Episode Transcript
[00:00:16] Speaker A: I'm your host, B.
[00:00:17] Speaker B: And I'm Pewter Don.
[00:00:19] Speaker A: And you tune in to the King Me podcast. And guess what, y'? All, we got a guest on him to the left of me. And I'mma introduce her.
Hopefully I won't butcher it.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: No, you got one, boy. You got it. You got it.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: She's a content creator, a bakery business owner, and a woman bringing her creativity and personality to everything she building. She an awesome mother, a protective sister, and a faithful friend. She wears many hats, and today we make room to get to know the woman behind the mall. She's a survivor with a story worth hearing and a voice that deserved to be heard.
Jess, welcome to the Kim Me podcast. Thank
[00:00:58] Speaker B: you. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, how it did? That was all right.
[00:01:03] Speaker C: That was good.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: Oh, for real? Great. Oh, man. Yo, that was great. Oh, man. Q, what you got?
[00:01:11] Speaker B: You did good. I
[00:01:12] Speaker A: did good. Good. Oh, man. Come on, man. There
[00:01:14] Speaker B: you go. You being modest, man. You know, you do this. You do this for real.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: Somewhat. Somewhat.
Listen, Jess, I told you earlier off camera, man, that, you know, we normally have a little game. It's a questioning game, and it ain't nothing hard. It just these questions actually is catered to your personality. I know you're Aquarius.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: And so I know based off of that, I kind of got in my head, what type of answers you gonna answer by these questions? Because they're Aquarius. But I just wanna know when I give you the questions, how you gonna answer, so.
[00:01:49] Speaker C: All right,
[00:01:50] Speaker A: you ready? Let's
[00:01:51] Speaker C: go.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: Okay,
[00:01:51] Speaker C: let's go.
[00:01:54] Speaker A: So this game called, Would you rather.
Would you rather. Yeah.
[00:01:59] Speaker C: Okay, let's go.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Would you rather let somebody plan your entire weekend as a surprise or give you the money and leave you alone to plan it?
[00:02:10] Speaker C: Depending on the mood I'm in.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: Depending on the
[00:02:13] Speaker C: mood, I let em plan it.
[00:02:14] Speaker A: You let somebody plan it?
[00:02:15] Speaker C: Yeah, I let somebody plan it my entire weekend.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Now, if you don't like it, well, you. You know, you wanted people to show your expression on your face if you didn't, like. Now, I wasn't feeling that. Or you just kind of. You. You can enjoy anything.
[00:02:27] Speaker C: Yeah, I can enjoy anything. But I'm gonna tell you a little later on, like, I might not like this or that, but I'll go. I'm gonna go with the flow type person. I ain't gonna show it on my face.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah, that guy. Yeah. Yeah. That shocked me. I thought you was gonna say, give me the money.
[00:02:43] Speaker C: I don't plan I love the plan, but they mess up next time. They
[00:02:46] Speaker A: mess up. Yeah, give me that money, man.
[00:02:49] Speaker C: Let me see your creative side first. And.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Oh, that's funny, man. Q, what you say you rather somebody give you the money or you like surprises?
[00:02:59] Speaker B: I don't like surprises.
Give me the money.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: Give me the money.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: Give me the money. Don't surprise
[00:03:04] Speaker A: me. No, man.
[00:03:05] Speaker B: Cause I'm like, one of those type of people. If I don't like it, it's gonna be kind of hard for me to fake the funk, like. Oh, I just. Nah, just give me the money.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Give me the money. Give
[00:03:12] Speaker B: me the money.
[00:03:13] Speaker C: How about you?
[00:03:14] Speaker A: I'm a. I like surprises, like. And I'm a simple person, so anything. You know, if somebody plan a picnic and say, just pull up, man. That right there. I love that. I ain't gonna lie.
Yeah. It's just a thought.
So would you rather spend your birthday at a surprise party with everybody you know, or take a trip where nobody can reach you?
[00:03:41] Speaker C: Take a trip.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Take a trip.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:03:43] Speaker A: Yeah, I say. I say take a trip, too. Take a trip. Yeah.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: No, I'm lying.
[00:03:49] Speaker C: No,
[00:03:49] Speaker B: I'm lying. No, I want to say I want a surprise party.
[00:03:52] Speaker A: You want a surprise birthday
[00:03:53] Speaker B: party? Because I love family, so I want my family and everything, like, when it comes to stuff like that, so I would enjoy that a little bit more.
[00:04:01] Speaker C: But for my birthday, I can see y' all anytime.
[00:04:03] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:04:03] Speaker C: my birthday.
[00:04:04] Speaker A: Yeah, I wanna. Yeah, I
[00:04:05] Speaker C: wanna enjoy my birthday because somebody can piss me off.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: Nah, birthday to me is just another day.
[00:04:11] Speaker A: I want to change the weather. If it rain over here, I want to go somewhere where it say,
[00:04:15] Speaker C: give me some water, man.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: You think that's something, bro, we just went on the cruise dog.
[00:04:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:20] Speaker B: And when we got off the boat, it was storming, man. We had to get out of the water and everything, so that ain't even a guarantee.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: You're right.
[00:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: If you go to Florida, they're gonna. It definitely gonna rain. But that was when y' all came
[00:04:29] Speaker C: back, too, though.
[00:04:30] Speaker B: Yeah. You
[00:04:31] Speaker C: say so. You don't had. You know? Yeah.
[00:04:33] Speaker B: Yeah. We didn't have a little
[00:04:34] Speaker C: fun inside.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Would you rather admit you were wrong immediately or let somebody finish explaining something you already know?
[00:04:45] Speaker C: Ooh, I'll admit that I'm wrong.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: You admit she admitted what she wrong.
[00:04:53] Speaker C: I'm one of them. I'm one of them.
I admit when I'm wrong. I do. You
[00:04:58] Speaker A: admit when you're wrong.
[00:04:59] Speaker C: I do. I do. I'm one of those. Yeah. I'm I'm gonna admit when I'm
[00:05:02] Speaker A: wrong. What about you?
[00:05:03] Speaker B: I'm admit when I'm wrong.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Listen, I'm gonna admit when I'm wrong, but I'm admit I'm wrong because I don't wanna hear your mop behind it.
And I'm like. I'm gonna hurry up and say, yeah, I was wrong.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: See, that's a whole nother argument, though.
That's a whole nother
[00:05:17] Speaker A: argument.
[00:05:18] Speaker D: No, it ain't. No, it's not. Another my daddy, you asked me one time, do you want to be right or you wanna be happy?
[00:05:25] Speaker A: You're right.
[00:05:27] Speaker B: That's a good one.
[00:05:28] Speaker C: Cause then if you say, oh, I wanna. I'm gonna just say I'm right or I'm wrong. Because I wanna hear your mouth,
[00:05:33] Speaker D: baby. That's okay. I was wrong.
[00:05:35] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:05:36] Speaker C: you
[00:05:36] Speaker B: right. You right. You right.
[00:05:37] Speaker A: I mean, I put
[00:05:38] Speaker D: you talking about you saving yourself about three hours.
[00:05:40] Speaker C: Ooh,
[00:05:41] Speaker A: yeah. Three hours. Yeah.
[00:05:43] Speaker D: We could be doing something else. Let's go ahead. Let me make it up to you. We be doing something else.
[00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm gonna make it dramatic, though. I'm gonna get an Oscar behind it. Like, you know what? I was wrong.
I'm sorry, babe.
[00:05:53] Speaker B: You got that little toxic streak in you, man.
You got that little streak in you, man.
[00:05:58] Speaker A: Well, I gotta dance for you. What I gotta do, man, I'm doing whatever
[00:06:02] Speaker D: I'm doing whatever you need.
[00:06:03] Speaker C: Whatever you need to know. I was wrong, baby. I was wrong.
[00:06:06] Speaker A: I was wrong. Yeah, that's. Yeah, I agree. That is toxic. Side of me
[00:06:10] Speaker B: got that in you, bro.
[00:06:12] Speaker D: But how is that toxic? I just want peace in my house.
And sometimes you gotta lay it on a little thick to make her feel appreciated.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: I agree. If you got a cry, you know, I'm about like David R. If I got a cry to keep you, I don't mind weeping. I don't mind. Yeah, you know
[00:06:26] Speaker A: I don't mind.
[00:06:27] Speaker D: I don't mind.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: Oh, man. Okay. Okay.
Would you rather have a friend who calls five times a day or one who disappear for two weeks and come back like nothing happened?
[00:06:43] Speaker C: You can disappear. We all disappear. Yeah, you can disappear.
[00:06:47] Speaker A: So you understand?
[00:06:48] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:49] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:06:52] Speaker B: Don't call me five times. Please
[00:06:53] Speaker C: don't.
Don't
[00:06:55] Speaker B: call me five. There's only one person that's gonna call me five times a day, and that's gonna be acceptable.
[00:06:59] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:00] Speaker B: Anybody else? Don't call me no five times a day.
[00:07:01] Speaker C: Please don't.
[00:07:02] Speaker B: Cause we men, too. So if a male is calling me five times a day, I'm like, bro, what the nigga got going on?
[00:07:09] Speaker A: Yeah, five times a day. That'd be tough, though. I ain't gonna lie. That's just too much. But you do have friends that, like, you know, you talk to? Most men don't really talk, like, yeah,
[00:07:18] Speaker B: women do.
[00:07:19] Speaker D: Nah,
[00:07:19] Speaker B: not men.
[00:07:21] Speaker D: Men
[00:07:21] Speaker A: don't really talk too much on the phone, man.
[00:07:23] Speaker D: Like, my friend had, like, somebody. A Texas brother or something, and we just called him. Was like, yeah. He was like, yeah. I was like, yeah. He was like, yeah, yeah,
[00:07:32] Speaker B: that's it. Yeah,
[00:07:33] Speaker D: we got off the phone.
[00:07:34] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:07:34] Speaker D: Like,
[00:07:35] Speaker A: hey, since you said you a texter, she said she a texter. So if somebody texts you like that, like, you would be cool with that versus talking?
[00:07:43] Speaker C: I'm cool with the text.
[00:07:44] Speaker D: Oh, yeah, me too.
[00:07:45] Speaker C: I'm cool with texting. Oh,
[00:07:46] Speaker D: texting my son.
[00:07:47] Speaker C: I'll talk to my sister. I'll
[00:07:48] Speaker D: text all day. I don't want to talk to
[00:07:49] Speaker C: you. What? I'mma text all day.
[00:07:51] Speaker B: I'm not a good texter.
[00:07:52] Speaker D: I'll text all day.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: No, I do better in conversation. I'm not a good text.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: I can't even read the. The emotion on the person when they text.
[00:07:59] Speaker D: But no, it. But like, I'm talking about, like, not deep conversation, but, like, if
[00:08:03] Speaker A: you just something simple.
[00:08:04] Speaker D: Yeah, just simple stuff throughout the day. Y' all talk every now and then. Texting throughout the day. Yeah. The conversation might come at the end of the day. I might talk to you once at the end of the day.
[00:08:12] Speaker C: Yeah,
[00:08:12] Speaker D: but I'll text you for. But don't call me. Text me.
[00:08:15] Speaker C: Please don't call. Please.
[00:08:16] Speaker D: Yeah, just.
[00:08:16] Speaker A: Hey, what if somebody break up with you through text messages? You cool with that?
[00:08:21] Speaker C: Oh, no, then we gotta have a conversation.
I need to know, like,
[00:08:27] Speaker A: that's
[00:08:27] Speaker C: what
[00:08:27] Speaker A: I'm talking about. This ain't working right now.
Normally a text message start, listen, this ain't working. Or for a man, when a woman. When they woman say, hey, listen, we gotta talk. You already know that. I was about
[00:08:38] Speaker B: to say that. That text right there, like, bro, it make you go down the list. Like, bro, what can we have to talk about?
[00:08:44] Speaker A: Yeah, you backtrack it.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Even if you know you ain't did nothing, you still.
Cause that don't. Don't. It make my anxiety go up. Don't. Don't tell me that. Cause now I can't work right.
[00:08:53] Speaker D: Why you can't just talk to me now? Like, tell me what it is?
[00:08:56] Speaker B: I don't care what I'm doing. I'm about to stop whatever I'm doing. Hey, I'll call you. Hey. I'll be back. I'll be back. Yeah, we gotta talk.
Don't text me that. Yeah,
[00:09:04] Speaker A: yeah, we
[00:09:05] Speaker C: gotta talk then.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: Okay. Okay, last one. Would you rather admit you miss somebody or accidentally call them while looking at their contact?
[00:09:15] Speaker C: Oh, I admit I miss him.
[00:09:17] Speaker A: You let somebody know you miss him.
[00:09:18] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:09:19] Speaker A: So, you know, that's good, because that tells me you're not a stubborn person.
[00:09:22] Speaker C: No, I don't think I am. I don't think I'm. I'm stubborn. Definitely, you stubborn.
[00:09:26] Speaker A: Yeah. You
[00:09:27] Speaker C: ain't gonna tell me you miss?
[00:09:28] Speaker A: No.
[00:09:28] Speaker D: Hell, no.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Hey, you said. I'm
[00:09:30] Speaker D: sorry. I'm sorry. You
[00:09:31] Speaker C: ain't. Me, too.
You too.
[00:09:33] Speaker A: So which one you rather. Do
[00:09:35] Speaker B: I tell him?
[00:09:36] Speaker A: So,
[00:09:36] Speaker B: Yeah, I told y'. All, when I say that. David. Riff in line.
Okay.
[00:09:40] Speaker D: Is it X or your current? I guess that's. That's a better question.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: Yeah, it's probably an X.
[00:09:44] Speaker D: Oh, yeah. No, you ain't getting that. No, no, I'm not. I'm not.
[00:09:48] Speaker C: So.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: So
[00:09:49] Speaker C: you.
[00:09:50] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:50] Speaker A: Like an ex or something like that.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: I'm good. Where I'm at.
[00:09:55] Speaker C: I'm good.
[00:09:58] Speaker D: I'm just saying.
[00:10:00] Speaker A: I'm talking about the ex. When I said X that maybe. Yeah.
[00:10:03] Speaker D: Like, it was cordial when y' all broke up. It ain't. It wasn't nothing negative. It just.
[00:10:06] Speaker A: Yeah, well. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that negative. It
[00:10:09] Speaker D: wasn't like nobody cheated or no foolishness. Well,
[00:10:11] Speaker A: it all depends. I ain't never really thought about that question till you say that.
But. But I think it all depends.
[00:10:17] Speaker D: Cause if you're in a relationship. Yeah, I don't got no. If I'm in a relationship with you, I ain't got no problem telling you I miss
[00:10:20] Speaker A: you. But let me change the question up. If you mad at your significant other.
And will you. You know what I'm saying? Letting them know you miss him.
If
[00:10:31] Speaker D: you mad. Okay.
[00:10:32] Speaker B: So you mad with
[00:10:33] Speaker A: our.
Really? You just in a relationship? Well, yeah. Married relationship. Married might be a little different because, you know.
[00:10:40] Speaker D: Yeah, you in the house.
Yeah,
[00:10:42] Speaker A: you in the house. But in my house, you know, we both know. We mad.
We both stubborn people.
[00:10:49] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm a.
[00:10:50] Speaker A: So we walk around the house like. But
[00:10:51] Speaker B: I don't like
[00:10:52] Speaker A: that Anyone say, excuse me. You just, like. You try to slide by. You even touch.
[00:10:55] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. I don't like that, though, bro.
That's very weird energy.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: It is, though, But.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Cause I be like this. If you got an issue Just tell me what your issue is. But, like, you don't have to do stuff to let me know that you were mad.
I know your tendency. I, I know you're upset with me. Like, let's just go. I'm a talker, bro. Let's just go and talk about it. Cause I ain't want to drag it on. We ain't got to drag it on.
[00:11:15] Speaker A: No, I'm a drag it on.
It make the.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Bro, you just toxic.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: Because when you kind of, y' all come back and then, you know, y', all, you know, have sex and everything, it be real intense.
Especially if you ain't talk to each other really, like, in two, three days.
[00:11:34] Speaker B: I, I, I've never done it, and I don't understand.
[00:11:37] Speaker A: I did that a good bit.
[00:11:38] Speaker B: Like,
[00:11:38] Speaker A: that might be two or three days. Yeah, three days. I mean, you as, like, simple little stuff, you know?
But
[00:11:45] Speaker C: they're going through my divorce. Well, not, not through the divorce, but when we were, like,
[00:11:48] Speaker D: separated.
[00:11:49] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:11:49] Speaker C: we weren't, we were still in the same house, but it became real toxic.
[00:11:54] Speaker A: So it was like
[00:11:55] Speaker C: walking around coexisting.
[00:11:58] Speaker B: Yeah, that, that, that's understandable.
But in this manner, this dude talking about two
[00:12:02] Speaker C: to three. Two to three days, in a way. Two
[00:12:03] Speaker B: to three days. Two to
[00:12:04] Speaker A: three
[00:12:04] Speaker B: days. What's wrong? But what is the argument? Okay, like, don't need to know what the argument is about, but do you think it's a big, like, a serious argument or it's just something and everybody pride is, in a way.
[00:12:17] Speaker A: Well, I would say this if it. It probably big, but the reason why it is like that in my case is especially in the past, early on in my marriage, you know, I was really immature.
And so, you know, I'm a totally different person now. But, you know, I was so immature, man. I was very immature. I ain't even gonna lie.
Like, I was the type of person that, you know, if things didn't go my way, I just leave, eat a house, and then come back. You know what I'm saying? I come back, though. But in her mind, I didn't realize that. In her mind, she thinking I'm going out there to do something.
And I was. Yeah, I was. I, I ain't realized that, but really, I just kind of went to the gym,
[00:13:00] Speaker B: right, Bro. The reason why, honestly, though, like, not to be too deep that I try not to do that is because, bro, my mom and my stepdaddy, we call him my daddy, but been there since we were two, bro. The last thing that I remember from those two was an argument, like, in the next day, bro, we got the news that he had been killed that night when he left the house.
[00:13:17] Speaker A: Oh,
[00:13:18] Speaker B: Lord. So I, I try to think along those lines. Like, bro, when if something goes wrong in this period where we're not talking, yeah, we know we love each other, but was it that deep that that's, that's how it had to end?
[00:13:28] Speaker C: Yeah,
[00:13:29] Speaker B: like, if it ain't that deep, bro, don't, don't, don't, don't turn a ant pal into a mountain, bro. That's why I be trying to, like, just go ahead and clear it out,
[00:13:36] Speaker A: bro. That's definitely different. Yeah, but I'm going kind of get started, man. But before I get started, I want to read a disclaimer for. For the people that watching.
Before we begin, this episode includes discussion of domestic violence that some listeners may find distressing. We are not experts in domestic violence or licensed professionals. Our guest is sharing her personal experience and perspective. This conversation is intended to raise awareness and does not replace professional advice or support. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, reach out to a trusted person or a domestic violence support organization.
If you are in immediately danger, call 91 1. You deserve safety and support and you don't have to face this alone. But that being said, it kind of changed the tone of the conversation right now. But Jess, I want. I was watching some of your videos on social media and even though I follow you on Instagram, you know, I didn't really recognize that you was involved in a relationship that kind of altered everything, you know what I'm saying? And one of the videos I watched you mentioned about August 26, 2023, what that mean to you? Like when I bring that day up,
[00:15:02] Speaker C: it was the 20th. August 26th, 2026.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: Yes, 2020. Oh, that was 2026. Ah, man.
So that was recent.
[00:15:11] Speaker C: Yes, yes.
[00:15:13] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:15:14] Speaker C: That day changed my life forever.
I was in a relationship with that person for like a year and a half and we were in Dominican Republic and I've never experienced any domestic violence. I was married prior to this man for almost 13 years and even with me and my ex husband, never got into any heavy arguments, never got to a point where we arguing, to the point where we about to fight. None of that ever.
So when this incident happened, I'm looking like what this person always told me, like, I love you. You so beautiful. Look at your skin. It's so like, I would never hurt you. I would never hit you. I would never embarrass you. But on August 26, 2026, he did both. He embarrassed me, and he hit me at the same time.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:16:09] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: When that. When that initially happened, I know that shock you. I know it just kind of like, what the. This nigga
[00:16:18] Speaker C: put his hands on me. That's all I could say. Like, did you really just hit me? Like, I was still. Like, I know my mama kept asking, did it hurt? Was you in a lot of pain? No, I wasn't. I feel like I was in. I was in shock.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:31] Speaker C: And I just couldn't believe that that person did that to me. Like, I'm just like, you never showed me any signs. Like, any type of signs. Never put his hands on me, Never raised his hands at me. Right. Like, it just.
It changed my life forever.
[00:16:51] Speaker A: So how long y' all was dating during that time?
[00:16:54] Speaker C: We were dating for a year and a half.
[00:16:55] Speaker A: A year and a half. And I'm. I'm sure he didn't display none of those type signs.
[00:17:00] Speaker C: None of it. None of it. He's a talker. Like, just like you said, when I'm going through something or we having a disagreement, I want to talk now. I'm the person. I'm the type that. I don't like to talk immediately, because I don't. I get so angry, and I want to make sure I address everything.
So I'll shut down. I'll start crying when I'm mad. I don't want to talk at the moment, but my ex was one of those, like, I want to talk right now.
So when the incident happened. Well, leading up to the incident, I don't even know if I want to go as far, but we got to the resort, and somebody else name was on the reservation with him. And so I looked at him like, oh, you know what? Don't worry about it. We'll talk about it later. Cool. He was like, I don't know who that person is. We gonna talk right now? No, we're not. Yeah. So I kept all day brushing it off. So this has been going. The argument was going on, like, four or five hours, like, on and off. Because you wanted to talk about that situation.
[00:17:57] Speaker A: Right?
[00:17:58] Speaker C: So he kept saying I embarrassed him at the receptionist desk because I asked him who the person was, but I wasn't loud. I'm not one of those type where I'm gonna embarrass you because I don't like to be embarrassed. People standing behind us trying to check in as well. So I'm like, we'll talk about it. When we get to the room, we're gonna talk about it now? Nah, we're on vacation. Let's go to the bar. Give me a drink so we can chill.
Cool. Get to the room. You still want to argue? Well, I called my sister, told her, you know, we having a disagreement or whatever. And she was just like, okay, keep me updated. Because he just was going on and on. I'm like, whatever. We going to dinner. Whatever. We went to dinner.
He did not talk to me during dinner.
He then got up at dinner and said, well, since you want to embarrass me the way that you did at the reception, is this. Maybe I'm not the man for you. I said, maybe not. Cause now I'm like, what did I do? You flipped everything on me because somebody else name. Another woman name was.
[00:18:54] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I agree to say. Another woman
[00:18:57] Speaker C: name. Yeah, you flipped it on me. Like, oh, I embarrassed you at the receptionist. But I didn't. I'm not a loud person. You should have took that up with the receptionist, not me. Like, who is this? This is my girl.
Her name should be on here. This is not. That ain't my girl name.
So I left it alone. Whatever. Cool. After dinner, like I said, he went his way, I went mine.
I came back to the room. He was laying on the bed. He was like, you ready to talk now? I said, no, we on vacation. Let's enjoy ourselves now. We going to talk now.
He get up in my face when I argue. I said, no, let me get a bath. I'm about to lay down. I'm tired. I laid down.
And after I laid down, he got in my face with his phone. You can go through my phone and see this person ain't in my phone. Why are we still talking about it by this time? It's like four. Four and a half hours later.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: Quick question for you.
[00:19:46] Speaker C: Okay,
[00:19:47] Speaker B: so during. So in that timeframe from, like, maybe when he first started and, like, till y' all got to the room, like, what were some of your thoughts, like, in your mind? Like, okay, he's kind of, like, pressing the situation. Like, what was your thought process? Did you think it could get bad? Like, what were you thinking?
[00:20:03] Speaker C: I had no idea it could get bad. I just thought he was gonna be like, okay, cool. When you get ready to talk, we'll talk. I didn't think he was going to drag it on and keep saying, are you ready to talk? Are you ready to talk? Like, pushing the issue.
So I had no idea that it was gonna get as Bad as it did.
That never crossed my mind.
Because I'm just thinking, okay, maybe he messed up maybe, you know what I'm saying? Maybe he forgot to take this person's name off. Or maybe it was a mix up because we were going with a travel club. So I'm like, okay, maybe it was a mix up.
[00:20:34] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the part that I was like, while you was talking, I'm so baffled about because, like, if it truly was a mix up, like, why he took it so serious, like, and he was so pressed and he was constantly pressing and you already told him that, you know, listen, now, I ain't wanna talk about it right now. You know what I'm saying? You just really wanna kinda enjoy the weekend, enjoy your time. But for some odd reason, almost like one thing I realized, boy, about any most men, like with egos, man, that be putting on, putting image up because he had painting the hell out that damn picture
[00:21:16] Speaker C: now.
[00:21:17] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying?
[00:21:18] Speaker C: I don't know who that is. Yeah,
[00:21:19] Speaker A: that what I get ready to
[00:21:20] Speaker C: say.
Why are we talking about.
[00:21:22] Speaker A: He was exposed, man. Yes, and. And that, that little setting right there exposed him.
[00:21:29] Speaker C: Yeah, he definitely did,
[00:21:30] Speaker B: bro. Because honestly, from like, I don't know the guy, but like, narcissistic tendencies
[00:21:36] Speaker A: down right
[00:21:37] Speaker B: when they start losing control.
[00:21:39] Speaker C: Yes,
[00:21:39] Speaker A: yes, sir,
[00:21:40] Speaker B: bro. It's like something goes on with them. Like as long as they got control of everything, everything is. Well, once they lose control, like, you kind of start seeing like a different side of them. Like, okay, wait a minute. This, this is a little different. This ain't what I'm used to.
[00:21:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:53] Speaker A: And a narcissistic person is dangerous.
[00:21:55] Speaker C: Very.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: Boy, like, especially a man like they, you know, and Q, I'm glad you said that, man. Listen, my, my, my father, I. I ain't really want to make it about this, this right here about me, but my father, he was, He's a narcissistic person, you know what I'm saying? And he always had to have control of the narrative of everything. Yeah, but like, we seen the real side of him and my mom, we seen the real side of him. But people out in the streets, they seen a whole different person.
And so when people be talking about like your dad, listen, your dad like the coolest person ever, like
[00:22:29] Speaker C: in your mind, you like,
[00:22:30] Speaker A: like, what is this?
Two
[00:22:33] Speaker C: different people. Yeah,
[00:22:33] Speaker A: they're two different people. And I'm sure you, you seen that and it kind of uncover itself.
[00:22:40] Speaker C: Yes, you did. I promise. Because I never saw, like I said that side and other people, they never saw that because like I said, once we. I got back to the room and he. You ready to talk now? No, let me take my bath. I'm laying down. He got in my face with the phone. Look at my phone. See this? I got up and then we arguing, and before I knew it. Shut the F up. Before he got that out, he reached back, cocked back, and punched me in my face.
[00:23:07] Speaker A: Dang.
[00:23:08] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: And I seen some of the pictures, and I know the pictures just didn't do it justice.
[00:23:14] Speaker C: No, no.
[00:23:16] Speaker A: To. To how you felt in that moment.
Like, you wanna speak on that? Like, how you felt in that moment?
[00:23:21] Speaker C: Yeah. In that moment, all I could say was, or ask him, like, why? My first question to him was, did I put my hands on you? Cause it happened so fast. I'm like, did something happen and I missed it? Like, did I put my hands on you?
No, you were in my personal space.
Did I put my hands on you? Is what I asked you. Because me being in your personal space does not warrant you, you know, to punch me in my face. I mean, you a 225 pound man and you punched me in my face.
That week I went. That Thursday we went to Dominican Republic. No, that Wednesday.
A week prior, I had literally just got my braces tightened.
So when he punched me, it cut the top of my mouth. So I had a big laceration in the top of my mouth where after he hit me, it hit my braces.
[00:24:11] Speaker A: You had to get stitches?
[00:24:12] Speaker C: No, they actually said it would heal on its own when I went to the emergency room. And it just. It did eventually heal on its own, but when I run my tongue across, I can still feel the. Where the cut was.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: Like, right now?
[00:24:23] Speaker C: Yeah, right now I can still feel the
[00:24:24] Speaker B: cut. So it's only. So at that moment it was only one hit?
[00:24:27] Speaker C: Yeah, it was just one hit. One hit. And I'm leaking, I'm leaking. I'm screaming, like. Because all I can say is, God, I thank you because I was able to get up and I know I can make it home to my children. So I told him at the end, in that moment, he asked me, do you want me to call for medical assistance? Do you want me to call the authorities?
I said, no, I want you to get out my face and I want you to book me the next flight home. This is the same day we got there. I didn't enjoy nothing. I didn't explore a beach my first time in Dominican Republic.
[00:25:00] Speaker B: So what stopped you from having, like, a reaction as to, like, you know, attacking back or, you know, hitting back.
[00:25:08] Speaker C: I guess in a moment, I was more surprised that he even did it.
And then me, I'm like, if I hit this man back or I respond and I'm cussing him, he might kill me in here.
[00:25:20] Speaker B: Right, Right.
[00:25:21] Speaker C: And I'm in another country, Anything could have happened. When you punched me, I could have fell, hit my head on this hard floor, this marble floor. I could have hit my head on a table, anything. You could have broke my jaw. You could have knocked teeth out.
But I was just like, God, I thank you. And I just immediately, me and him both, we went down downstairs to let the receptionist know and everything. And he was doing all the talking, really. I just wanted some ice for my face.
[00:25:46] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:25:46] Speaker C: yeah. And I just told him, I asked him in that moment, can y' all just go change my sheets in my room, give me new towels and deactivate his wristband, Because I didn't want him back in my room that night.
[00:25:55] Speaker B: So he let them know that he had done that.
[00:25:56] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:25:58] Speaker B: And what. What was their response?
[00:25:59] Speaker C: They just took a report.
[00:26:01] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:26:02] Speaker C: In Dominican Republic, they don't really, like, you don't really tell them, like, hey, I want medical assistance, or I want the police call. They not going to do it.
[00:26:10] Speaker B: It's really. Is really. Your case is really so different to me, because honestly, most of the time when you hear of domestic violence or these type of things, it's like, there have been signs before. Like, most of the time there's signs. But for your case, it's very unique. Like, you didn't see any of this before. And then to what you said about authorities, I feel like a lot of times in these situations, the authorities fail women.
[00:26:34] Speaker C: Like,
[00:26:34] Speaker B: I've seen
[00:26:34] Speaker C: too
[00:26:35] Speaker B: many times where something like this goes on and a woman goes to authority and they like, well, there's nothing we could really do.
[00:26:43] Speaker C: Because when I got back, that's pretty much what they said. I'm like, what can I do? What can. Nothing. Like, you can get a restraining order.
[00:26:49] Speaker A: Right? You get it,
[00:26:50] Speaker C: but you can't press charges. It happened over there. We have no jurisdiction. So it's nothing. Like, it was nothing I could do other than a restraining order.
[00:26:57] Speaker A: Right.
I'mma tell you, Jess, man, was you scared in that moment? Like, when he did that?
[00:27:04] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. Because I'm like, I don't know if you coming back again. So that is why I asked him, deactivate the wristband.
[00:27:11] Speaker A: Right, Right.
[00:27:11] Speaker C: So he can't come back in my room because I don't Know what you're capable of at this point? Because once I got back home, everybody was like, did you see it coming? Did you think he would. No, I
[00:27:20] Speaker A: think I would
[00:27:20] Speaker C: go out of the country with somebody that has shown me signs. Like, even though there are some women that are afraid and they don't leave, they gonna travel, they gonna go with their man.
Nah, I'm not. I'm not. Like I said, this was my first experience ever with domestic violence. And even when I told my kid's dad, my ex husband, he was like, I know you, and I know you didn't do anything to touch this man. You didn't touch this man. You might have ran your mouth, but you ain't touched that man for that man to hit you. And I'm like, I know. Me and you've been together since I was 17 years old.
We were together for 17 years.
So he knows me. He knows. He was like, all that we've been through and you never raised your hand and hit me. We never got into an argument that bad.
So this person, like, he was much older, too. I won't say much, but he was 16 years older than me.
[00:28:05] Speaker A: Okay?
[00:28:06] Speaker C: So I'm thinking, you older, you more mature.
You ain't gonna do this to me. Cause you told you would tell me all the time. I would never. There are two things I would never do to you. I would never embarrass you, and I'll never put my hands on you.
[00:28:18] Speaker A: Right?
[00:28:19] Speaker C: And like I said in that moment, he did both. Because then I gotta go walking through the airport. Face woe. Yeah,
[00:28:24] Speaker A: face woe. I
[00:28:24] Speaker C: gotta go back home to my children. The
[00:28:26] Speaker A: embarrassing part. Yeah,
[00:28:27] Speaker C: embarrassing.
[00:28:28] Speaker A: Then you gotta explain to your kids,
[00:28:29] Speaker C: and you gotta explain to your kids, and you gotta expl. Explain it. I gotta go to the orthodontist to let them check my face. I gotta explain it to them. I gotta explain when I go to the emergency room, I gotta explain to my job, I have a restraining order on somebody because now I need. Now they need to restrain the order so they can put it on file. So I gotta keep explaining it and reliving it when this person is just. I'm gone.
[00:28:49] Speaker B: So what was y' all contact like after that? Like,
[00:28:52] Speaker C: non existent?
[00:28:53] Speaker B: Nope. Y' all just dropped all contact?
[00:28:55] Speaker C: None.
I didn't contact him at all. Now when I got to the airport that same day that I said I was coming back home, he was calling me when I was going through tsa, and I'm like, who calling me? I get my phone, it's him. Then he texts me, oh, I'm just making sure you made it to the airport okay.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: So he's. That's almost like. Okay.
Out of all the stories that I've ever watched or heard about domestic violence, this is so unique because to act like nothing ever happened is almost psychotic. Like, I'm just making sure you got back over.
[00:29:27] Speaker C: Like, I just left on my own.
[00:29:28] Speaker B: Yeah, that's crazy.
[00:29:30] Speaker C: And then he sends another text. Oh, I lost $1,400. $1,000. Cause you're not here. And $400 for you to get you on a flight back home early. I said, whose fault is that? This is because of your actions. No response.
So after that, it's known. There's not a lot
[00:29:48] Speaker B: of times I'm kind of speechless, but, like,
[00:29:50] Speaker A: I've never heard anything about, like, this. This is crazy.
I'm speechless
[00:29:54] Speaker C: on promise. And then y', all after he comes back. Because he stayed now.
[00:29:59] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:29:59] Speaker C: he stayed the whole time that we were supposed to be there. We were supposed to be there that Wednesday through that Monday. He stayed.
When he came back, he started posting on social media. He's going to be a mental. No, A domestic violence.
He's going to speak out. He's going to be an advocate for domestic violence. He's going to help other men that want to speak out about.
[00:30:20] Speaker B: I'm laughing because this is like, this.
[00:30:23] Speaker C: I swear, this is a
[00:30:24] Speaker A: lifetime show.
[00:30:25] Speaker B: Crazy.
[00:30:25] Speaker C: I need Tyler Perry on that.
[00:30:27] Speaker A: What I'm saying, this is a lifetime. Yeah. Tyler Perry.
[00:30:29] Speaker C: Boy, I need. I. I really need people to understand, like, this man was really crazy.
[00:30:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. He
[00:30:36] Speaker C: really got on social media and said he was going to be a domestic violence advocate for domestic violence for men and contact. If y' all want to talk DM me, I'm here.
[00:30:48] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:30:49] Speaker C: DM me.
[00:30:50] Speaker A: And I know he was trolling, probably. You know what I'm saying? I
[00:30:52] Speaker C: get it. Yeah.
[00:30:53] Speaker A: He probably was trolling for sure.
[00:30:54] Speaker C: Then he went to changing bios and all of this. Adding domestic violence. That's
[00:30:59] Speaker B: a weird
[00:31:00] Speaker C: way
[00:31:00] Speaker B: to troll.
[00:31:01] Speaker A: That is a weird way to troll. But it just seemed like.
It just seemed like he felt like it wasn't his fault that he hit you.
[00:31:10] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:31:11] Speaker A: Like he really was sending a message like, nah, it was your fault
[00:31:14] Speaker C: she did it.
[00:31:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:31:16] Speaker B: And it's crazy you say that, man. I was just talking to a lady the other day.
She was just telling me some stuff about what she had going on at home. She said her husband had been abusive to her a few times. She went to the law the law told her that she egged it on by talking.
Like, almost to a point where, like, if a man starts to speak to you, even it don't matter how he's speaking to you. It's your job as a woman to just sit there and be quiet. So when she told me that, I'm like, no. Like, that's. No. I can't put my mind around somebody telling a victim of domestic violence. You kind of caused this because you didn't be quiet. And so for hearing your story, it's like him thinking, like, I'm justified because you were talking and you maybe got close to me.
[00:32:03] Speaker C: Yeah,
[00:32:06] Speaker B: that's weird. That's crazy.
[00:32:07] Speaker A: For a man to feel like he had to defend himself by putting his hands on as a coward, man, that's a coward move. You know what I mean? But how was it when, before y' all went on y' all trip that week?
How was that week? That specific week? Can you remember that?
[00:32:25] Speaker C: Oh, it was fun. It was fun. We were counting down. Yeah.
[00:32:28] Speaker A: Counting down the days.
[00:32:29] Speaker C: Yeah. Oh, we going to the airport. We gonna do this that morning. We getting up this time. And we were planning. We was ready, ready to go. Cuz I'm. I done put my PTO in. We ready. So go on, go to doctor. Ready to have a good time. And we were already thinking, okay, this is trip number two. Because last year we went to Cancun together, had an amazing time this year. We were like, okay, we can't second out of the country trip together. We planning for the next one after this.
[00:32:54] Speaker B: So what originally attracted, like, what originally attracted you to him?
[00:32:58] Speaker C: To him?
He just was a very well put together, like, very. But then after I look at it, I'm like, it was a. He was putting on. He was putting on, like, I have custody of my children.
Yes, I have custody of my children. I'm a great father. I do this and that. You do. I mean, good job, nice job. Like, I'm meeting all kind of celebrities based on his job. And I'm like, okay, you. You all right. Never have to really anything around my house I need done, fixed on. I'm there. I got you. Don't worry about it. I'm cutting grass. Didn't live with me, asked to move in. No, no, no, sir. We not doing that. But just originally he just was very well put together. I thought he was everything. He was putting it on the table. I thought.
[00:33:42] Speaker B: So would you say, like, to maybe another victim or, you know, I don't want to say victim because you're a survivor. But to other women, would you say, like, sometimes if it looks. I don't. I don't want to make like somebody is bad, but if it looks too good to be true, would you say, like, kind of look into that a little bit more?
[00:34:01] Speaker C: Look into it. And also after talking to my aunt, kind of saying that, too. Like, if it's too good. Like, it's crazy that the things that we look for now in men can be red flags. He buying the flowers. He taking you to the nice restaurants. He doing this and that around, you know, around your house for you. You don't have to lift a finger. You know what I'm saying? And it's like, why do we have to look at those things now as red flags? Oh, he just doing that because he know you like flowers. He know you don't have to spend no money to get somebody to fix something in your house. He doing it.
But it's like, why do we have to look at the good stuff, the green flags now as red flags? It's scary.
[00:34:40] Speaker A: It is scary.
[00:34:40] Speaker C: It's very scary.
[00:34:41] Speaker A: I ain't thought about that either.
[00:34:43] Speaker C: It's very scary.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: It is. But, you know, also, bro, it go back to a conversation that we kind of commonly have. Like, when people are doing this, like, nobody's perfect,
[00:34:53] Speaker C: right?
[00:34:53] Speaker B: So putting on a perfect picture, it's kind of like, like, what's. What's really your intent? Like, what's really your intent? Like, it. And it. And it goes to the social media thing, too. A lot of times these. I don't know how. How old you were and that, that's not my business. But a lot of these younger ladies, they look at a guy that does everything for them that, that, that, you know, gives them everything they want. But what's the price behind that? Like, what is getting everything that you want? So I'm glad that you highlighting this story because that's something to think about. Like, when you really. When you just meet your knight in shining armor, find out about this knight. Like, what's your motives? What's your real goal?
And I would say this, too, do healthy arguments, because you need to see people in all stages of their life. Don't just see me when I'm good, when everything is flowing well. What's your reaction when you don't have control, when things are going wrong? So, like, keep that in mind, too.
[00:35:49] Speaker C: Yeah,
[00:35:50] Speaker A: yeah, I agree with that 100%, man. I think one of the videos you put up, like you were saying, doing background checks, and I think that kind of go along with the background checks that you was talking about. Most importantly, man, a lot of times you want to see how people interact with their families too as well, like doing a background check on their families and stuff like that. Because sometimes you can kind of see certain signs, like for instance, anger.
It appeared to me that he had some anger issues too as well, how he responded to certain things, especially when he got kind of caught up. So it's like, do you want to kind of speak on that too? Cause I know you had put in one of your videos about some of the things that, the precautions when you dating someone, some of the things that you want to kind of do.
[00:36:34] Speaker C: Yeah, definitely.
If I can't, you know, express that enough, I can't speak on that enough. Do the background check, please. Do the background check. Do the background checks. Because some stuff that I found out about this person,
[00:36:49] Speaker A: right,
[00:36:49] Speaker C: and had been around my children, it was mind blowing. It's very mind blowing. So if you got that information, most of it public, do the background check, I promise.
[00:37:01] Speaker B: So when you say background check, you're just saying like, as far as like legal background checks or you checking with people that may know them as well, okay?
[00:37:10] Speaker C: Because had I known what I know now, I would have never, I would have never. Not because of his personality, because he had a good personality. Met my family, met my, like I said, met my children at my daughter's birthday party, my, my five year old's birthday party and just cool. Met my nephews, just cool. My children, my son, I have a 15 year old son.
And I'm like, okay, he got a consistent male figure in his life. Like he teaching my son how to cut grass, you know, come out here, wash the car and show. Showing him different things. Having the conversations with my son that he need to have with a male figure in his life, right? And I'm thinking like, okay, this might be, this might be it. Even with my 19 year old, she's not one of those type where she's, she open ups to people,
[00:37:58] Speaker A: right?
[00:37:58] Speaker C: She's really, really, she can read the room real good.
And my daughter opened up to this man a lot, A lot. Like she would really sit down and have conversations with him. And when this happened, she was like, mommy, there's no way.
Because I really had to sit my children down and explain to them what happened. I had to sit them down. We went out to eat one day and I told them, I said, give me your phones. And I turned their phones upside down and I sent them the pictures And I said, when I give y' all y' all phones, I don't want y' all to really react. But any questions y' all have, you can ask me. I flipped their phones over and gave them their phone. I said, unlock your phone.
My daughter broke down immediately.
[00:38:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:39] Speaker C: My son, he don't get angry. He was shaking. My son said, I can't even eat, Mommy. Let's go. Because I can't believe this man put his hands on you. And I wasn't there to protect you. So I'm like, son, it's not your fault.
It had to happen. My motto now is, it had to happen. If it did not happen, I wouldn't know. The things that I know now about this man.
[00:39:00] Speaker A: Right?
[00:39:00] Speaker C: This man probably. We probably would have got married had he not put his hands on me. Cause that's something he wanted to do. I know you're my person,
[00:39:07] Speaker A: and you wouldn't find out the background. I
[00:39:09] Speaker C: would not find out.
I wouldn't have.
I wouldn't think that I needed to do a background check. Because I felt that he told me everything that, you know, anything in his past, I felt. He told me that.
[00:39:20] Speaker B: Right. He let off. He let off
[00:39:21] Speaker C: good. From what you say, he let off good. I promise you, he let off very good. Everything. I don't have a reason to lie to you. I'm putting everything on the table.
He did not. He did not put it. And the things that he put on the table, he flipped it flipped. The things that he put.
[00:39:36] Speaker A: You know, one of the most important things I really want to highlight right now is the fact that, you know, there's a lot of women probably feel like they met, they knight in shining armor.
And some women would justify that one punch and say, you know what? He didn't mean to do that.
Because all the other things that he do, like, you know, making sure you good. Making sure the house good.
Taking care of the kids, so to speak. Like, all those things most women would ignore and say, you know what? You know, he didn't mean to do that. You know what I'm saying? And I wanna shout out you because you like. Nah. Like, that's your deal breaker.
Once you put your hands on me. That's it. Nah, that's it, man.
[00:40:23] Speaker C: I'm not giving you a second chance to. Cause it could get. The second time may be worse.
[00:40:28] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:40:28] Speaker C: the second time could be worse.
[00:40:30] Speaker B: And
[00:40:30] Speaker A: it's definitely gonna be a second time. Well, it would have been.
[00:40:32] Speaker C: Right, right, right.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: So what gave you, like, you always knew that about yourself. Or what gave you the strength to say, you know what? Like you said, a lot of women would have been like, well, he just had a moment. Or. But what gave you the strength to say like, nah, we don't do this.
What gave you that strength?
[00:40:48] Speaker C: My mama. Not really to put my mom on the spot. Cause my mom is a strong, strong woman, but she's been through a lot of domestic violence, never reported, you know what I'm saying? Just, this is my husband or this my man. Blah, blah, blah. I saw that. One thing I can say is my mama taught me some things not to deal with.
Not knowing that. She taught me that just because I'm staying. This is my man. This is what he doing for me. No, for me. I gotta live for my children.
You're not gonna hit me again. Cause you could kill me. I've seen too many women stay and can't get away or get away in death.
And I mean, then your kids looking like, mommy, why didn't you just leave? I don't want it for my children. I did not want that for my children. So that's. Like I said, the first thing I told him, get me on the flight home so I can get back to my kids. Whether he paid for it or not, I was still getting home to my kids, But I was just grateful that God spared my life in that moment to let me get back home to my children.
[00:41:44] Speaker A: Yeah, obviously, since you. Since then, since that day, and also revealing some of the things to your kids.
But, you know, when you sitting home silently or like when you rubbing your tongue against your lips and feel that reminder where he punch you at, what's some of the things, Some of the things that you've done mentally to kind of help take care of that part, because sometimes that can be. People don't see the outside part of you rebuilding your confidence, you know. So what's some of the things that you probably done?
[00:42:18] Speaker C: To be honest, I just go with the flow.
[00:42:20] Speaker A: You go with the flow?
[00:42:21] Speaker C: Go with the flow. I pray a lot more, but I really just go with the flow.
He doesn't live in the same state that I live in. And that's a good thing because I don't have to see them. I don't have to be reminded. You know, I feel the cuts, but I also, for me, those wounds, those scars make me feel good now because I know that I was able to get away. It's a reminder, but it's also like, I'm stronger than I thought I was.
I was able to walk away My mama didn't have to figure out how to get her child from another country deceased. Cause this man could have left me in the room. Yeah,
[00:42:59] Speaker A: he could have. Yeah.
[00:43:00] Speaker C: And went on and partied or whatever, like he did, as if nothing happened.
Because immediately after I sent text messages, I sent pictures to his children, his church. I'm like, this is what y'. All. You know, this is what y'. All. This person did to me, the person so close to y'. All. And it wasn't to bash him, but it was just to, again, raise awareness, let people know, like,
[00:43:22] Speaker B: know what's amongst
[00:43:23] Speaker C: you. Exactly. Y' all had no idea that this is this type. That he was this type of person.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: Right? So. No, no. So he had no history of, like, domestic violence? Like, no history.
[00:43:34] Speaker C: No history? No. From. From her? Yeah.
Nobody ever, you know, said anything. Even when I did the background check on that. Nothing. I didn't see anything as far as domestic violence. Nothing. I feel that.
I personally feel that if he did, those women were afraid to speak up, and they possibly just. I'm not gonna press charges. I'm just gonna leave you alone. No, you're gonna pay for what you did to me.
I don't care if I can't press the charges. You gonna stand in front of a judge and explain what you did to me?
We did that.
[00:44:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:44:08] Speaker C: He came back and said I punched him in the chest. That's why he punched me in my face.
Still, don't justify.
I didn't touch you.
[00:44:17] Speaker A: Right.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: He tried to get a restraining order on me and said I harassed him because I sent those text messages and those pictures. That's not harassment. That's raising awareness. That's telling your people what type of person you really are. But because that messed up the little facade he had on, you know, he was wearing everything.
It made him real angry, like. So, yeah, I'm gonna try to get this on her, since she trying to say this about me. Nah.
[00:44:40] Speaker B: But shout out to you for that, because I think women like yourself, y' all need to be at the forefront, because this is how you stop this kind of madness. This is how you make awareness for these type of matters. Because if you. If. If you had never done what you did.
[00:44:56] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:44:57] Speaker B: Who would have been the next victim?
[00:44:58] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying. And how
[00:45:00] Speaker B: far
[00:45:00] Speaker C: would
[00:45:00] Speaker B: it have gotten?
[00:45:01] Speaker C: Right? And that's. What. If I can say one. Just one female, one. My job is done.
If I can say one female from getting in a relationship. This man painting this perfect picture like he's this. And he's that. No, run, please run.
[00:45:17] Speaker A: Yeah. And I would like to say, though, to the men's, though, you know, a lot of times we know some of our friends that probably have anger issues and probably most likely put their hands on a significant other or spouse. Like, we men, we see some of the signs of certain stuff, man, and we need a whole.
Our friends, our people accountable, brothers, whoever. Like, we gotta hold them accountable. Because when it comes down to you putting your hands on any female man, like, I think it need to be dealt with as aggressively as possible. You know what I'm saying?
It ain't no justification from it, you know what I'm saying? We gotta deal with that, period.
[00:46:04] Speaker B: I second that, bro. I definitely agree with that.
Definitely agree with that,
[00:46:07] Speaker A: man. Like, as you said, where we at with the time?
46 minutes. Okay,
[00:46:13] Speaker B: I got another question for you. Okay, so when you had to start dealing with the legal part of it, like, how did that make you feel? Like, being that they were kind of. I think you said it was kind of like low key, dismissive about it. Yeah. So how did that, how did that affect your mental.
[00:46:26] Speaker C: At first, I'm just like, these people really don't want to help me. I'm telling them, this man did X, Y and Z to me, and they just kept brushing it off. But for me, it was like, keep going, keep going, don't stop. Just at the police department. Keep doing your research.
And I found help through legal aid, and they were able to really push the issue and help me. And they were very supportive. But initially, like, it's just like, I can't get any type of, like, no type of help knowing what this man did to me. Like, I even had to go get extra cameras for my house.
I had to stay away from my house, me and my children, because my children were like, no, mom, we're not staying home because we don't know what he's capable of.
[00:47:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:47:06] Speaker C: So we had to stay away. I gotta spend extra money because I don't want my kids to be afraid in our own house. And I'm not living like that. I shouldn't have had to do that. I shouldn't have had to do that. But
[00:47:19] Speaker A: when you say you shouldn't have to do that, you talking about with the authorities and how they kind
[00:47:22] Speaker C: of. Because I felt like they should have helped me more and my kids were. Would have felt more safe in the house, you know what I'm saying? So they were just like, well, there's really nothing we can do. You know what I'm saying? He don't live in the state. There's really nothing we can do, and it didn't happen here, so. But I'm just like. There's
[00:47:37] Speaker A: a lot of people die like that, too.
Like, the situation about the young lady that was a realtor, you know, and she was trying to put. Put a restraining order on her, on her ex, and they exact same thing.
[00:47:52] Speaker C: They really fell. Her
[00:47:53] Speaker A: exact same thing. Because people be taking that, like, lackadaisy, like.
[00:47:57] Speaker C: Like,
[00:47:58] Speaker A: they brush it off, man,
[00:48:00] Speaker C: until they're in that situation.
[00:48:01] Speaker A: Yeah,
[00:48:03] Speaker C: it's all funny, and it's all cool. He just hit you one time.
[00:48:06] Speaker A: I want. I. I often wonder, man, how.
How as. Man, how. How we can play a part in that. Like, helping the. From. From that perspective, kind of helping out, like, pushing it forward where we kind of. I ain't gonna say protest. That might be. It should be protested because it's that serious. But I wonder what we can do about
[00:48:30] Speaker B: that. I'm gonna tell you one thing.
Most of the time, when you see the domestic violence awareness, it's women standing in solidarity with each other. I think what we have to do is we have to get on the front lines with them and say, I stand with my sisters, and I stand against that.
We really have to be vocal about it. Like, something like we're doing today. This isn't just for no clickbait or nothing. Like, this is for people to hear a story, to get strength from it, to be able to combat that. But we got to get on the front lines and do the work. Because it's always. When you hear domestic violence, it's always women standing with their sisters. But we really got to be on the forefront and just speak about it. And like you said, if we got people that's around us and they're violent with a woman.
[00:49:12] Speaker C: Right,
[00:49:13] Speaker A: right.
[00:49:13] Speaker B: No, we gotta stand on that. Like, nah, bro,
[00:49:17] Speaker C: that
[00:49:17] Speaker B: ain't never cool. Like, we can't just shoot, bro. You had to do what you had to do. No, we can't sit back and watch it, because what happens when it's your loved one.
[00:49:24] Speaker C: Exactly.
[00:49:25] Speaker B: So we just have to be
[00:49:26] Speaker A: vocal about it. Cause it ain't the 1900s, man. It ain't the 1900s.
I know a lot of women went through that early on, but it ain't the 1900s.
You had said something about doing through this whole process, man. You had found God, you know, God have a purpose for your life.
[00:49:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:49:45] Speaker A: You want to speak on that a little bit?
[00:49:47] Speaker C: Yeah, I do feel like all that I went through in this whole situation, like, there's a purpose. It gotta be a purpose. It gotta be a purpose for my life. Cause there's no way I went through this and was able to, like I said, get back home to my children. I just know that God got something greater in store for me. Right, right. I know he do. He has to. He has to. Because all I had to first get from my resort to the airport alone with a Dominican man.
[00:50:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:50:17] Speaker C: Don't know. You know what I'm saying? Anything could have happened in between that time. So I know God has he favors on my life. I know that all that I've been through. I know, and I agree. I'm just. I'm just grateful. I'm grateful to still be here. I
[00:50:32] Speaker A: believe that purpose. I believe that purpose is, man, what you're doing now.
You know, God grants you courage to just kind of, you know, doing what you do, putting stuff out there on social media. Be an advocate for other women who feel like they don't have a voice or afraid and have a voice, because they still probably live with the person that the abuser.
And so, you know, what you're doing now is, I believe God have given you courage to continue to do that.
And I just think you should go along, go forth with it. Like, you never know how, by you doing this, how it play out in the future for other things, avenues that God probably have for you, you know, so, yeah, listen, shout out to you, man. And just for that. Cause I don't know how much time we got, you know, on the behalf of the Keemi podcast, man, we, you know, we got you a little gift.
[00:51:31] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh.
[00:51:32] Speaker A: Yeah, man. If. If you, you know, if you want, you. Hey, you can open it, you can look through it, you know, if you want to give you a little gift.
I didn't come looking for a gift. No, I know you didn't, man.
Something to color. Yeah. Cover you up.
Thank you. Yeah.
And this is some other stuff. Yeah, yeah,
[00:51:57] Speaker C: I do.
[00:52:00] Speaker A: You got this. Yeah.
This is a journey to remind yourself.
They got, like, each page got inspirational quotes in it, you know, affirmation.
Thank you. Yeah. And you got one more because I know you say you love coffee.
[00:52:24] Speaker C: Oh, this is so cute.
[00:52:27] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. There you is.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm glad. I'm glad you like it, man.
You had one.
[00:52:39] Speaker B: Just two more questions for me.
How does.
Has that changed your outlook on how do you deal with. I know that was kind of recent.
So going forward, like, how would you Deal with men, like, now, like, are you a little bit more apprehensive?
[00:52:56] Speaker C: Yeah, I feel like that guard is. That guard is up now.
[00:53:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:53:00] Speaker C: Because not only.
Not only did this kind of mess with my mental a little bit and my physical, it's just like I gotta guard my heart now. Even though, you know, all that was put out there, like, he was just a great guy, it's just being more cautious now and noticing certain things in the beginning, if it sounds too good, maybe it might be too good.
[00:53:25] Speaker B: Okay. And so my next thing. You said something about legal aid. Is that actually a company or you just saying legal aid?
[00:53:33] Speaker C: It's per state. So in my state, if you're a domestic, violent, suspect or victim, they'll help you. If you're a victim, they'll help you, like, file the restraining orders for free.
Legal. It's a legal aid. And they. They represent you in court. You don't have to do much talking. You can explain your story, but they represent you for free. In my state, in North Carolina, they helped me. So they. They assigned me to an attorney in my county.
And she came to court with me. I met with her prior to court before I did my restraining order. And she explained everything to me, ran down, you know, the whole trial and how it would go. And she really stood up for me. She spoke and she won it. We'll
[00:54:18] Speaker B: definitely be sure to push that with all of this. We'll be definitely sure to push that.
I think sometimes, a lot of times, these ladies, they go places, but the help is not really there. And they kind of get lost, and it gets frustrating, you know, trying to navigate through this, and nobody's really helping you because the typical law enforcement, they don't really.
I don't know if they don't care or they don't know what to do.
[00:54:41] Speaker A: They probably got a thousand other cases, right?
[00:54:43] Speaker C: So this man, you're just another number. That's what it feels. Just another number. And I. And you got to continue to fight for yourself. You got to continue to advocate for yourself. You want to get away, you gotta get away. You gotta do the work. But there are so many, like women's shelters, battered women's shelters, some of them are full. But they will point you in the right direction. But where to go, who to talk to, give you numbers and everything to help you. So the help is there. We just gotta. You don't know that you need the help until you in the situation. You don't know help is there until you're in the situation.
[00:55:14] Speaker A: I'M gonna tell you, Jaz. Yo, yo, I think your confidence, you have confidence, you have high self esteem. All the things that most women who kind of going through something similar to that, like they don't have, man, and. Or they've been in it for so long and they just don't even know who it is. And I have heard some women said that, you know, they felt like that person loved them by putting their hands on them, you know what I'm saying? That's was a sign for them to love them.
And so I know a good bit of women who just kind of going through this and.
And for some, they just not gonna get out of it and they justify it. And I thank God that you had the courage to even do the exact same thing. But I'm gonna give you the floor to speak to that woman in the cameraman and to encourage them.
[00:56:12] Speaker C: If you're in that situation, domestic violence situation, get out.
Use your resources. They are there.
Google you got a phone. You use your phone every day. Google the resources, make the phone calls. These men ain't around you all the time.
So when that man is away at work, whatever, get away and find you someplace safe to go. Don't tell that man nothing. Don't leave a trace.
Get out of that situation before it's too late and your kids are looking down in your face in a casket. Get away, please, lady, please get away,
[00:56:48] Speaker A: man. That was heartfelt, man. I tell you what, we gonna leave some links at the bottom of this episode where if anybody going through anything like that, domestic violence, where you can kind of reach out. And again, I think it's depending on your state, where you from or whatnot, but most likely we gonna leave some links where y' all can at least get the ball started.
And
[00:57:14] Speaker B: do you do any outreach work? Do you do
[00:57:16] Speaker C: any.
[00:57:17] Speaker B: That might be. Honestly, that might be an avenue that you could look at if you got time. Because your story of like B said, your story of strength, like, it was kind of hard to even manage this, what we were doing today, because your story is so not typical and so for your strength and just what you embody as a woman, as a person. I think it'd be a great resource for women who are dealing with things like this, even the strength to even speak out or to leave, like. So I think that may be an avenue that God take you down one day, I don't know.
[00:57:51] Speaker A: And we gonna put.
I ain't even gonna lie. Do you mind? We putting your social media. Yeah,
[00:57:56] Speaker C: that's fine.
[00:57:56] Speaker A: Yeah, Instagram. I know you got TikTok too, as well, right? Okay, well, I think that's it. You wanna close out Q,
[00:58:04] Speaker B: like she said, you know, if you're going through it, find the help, get the help.
And all the scars that you wear. Sometimes in life, God make us go through things, and for the moment of us going through it, we don't understand it, but every scar that you wear is proof that you've been through something. So it could be used, and it will be used to help somebody else. So always share your testimony and just let God get the glory and stay strong. And if you're going through something, tell somebody and get the help that you need. That's all I got for you.
[00:58:32] Speaker A: Yeah, we out it.
