Community: Is it our responsibility to look after the youth?

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Yo, it's Q. It's your boy, Q The Dime, man. And this is the King Me podcast. Listen, man, my guy, B, he out right now. But to my left, we got a guess. And to my right, we gotta guess. Y' all fellas introduce yourselves. [00:00:25] Speaker C: For sure. [00:00:25] Speaker D: For sure. [00:00:25] Speaker C: What's up, Q? Man, you know, this is Mr. Hilton Field himself, Tommy. Know what I'm saying? Appreciate y' all for having me again on. Hey, man, we had. Man, we had a Fire episode last time, so. Hey, man, I'm looking for the same thing. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:00:38] Speaker D: What's up? What's up, man? My name is Reggie, and I'd like to thank these guys for having me here, man. And I like to thank God. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Yes, sir. Thank you for being here, too, man. [00:00:47] Speaker D: Yeah, appreciate that. [00:00:49] Speaker B: Listen, I'm gonna tell y' all now, we ain't got no format. Cause we flow better when we just flow. You feel me? Everything ain't got to be planned out right. Perfection is overrated. [00:00:58] Speaker D: That's it. [00:00:59] Speaker B: But I gotta say this. The episode last week, man, we got so many great reviews because the young man, T.J. and the man behind the camera, Mr. Youssef, man, listen, man, y' all dudes, man. Y' all put us on last week, man. Y' all dropped bars and gems all episode long, man. We appreciate y' all for that, man. Everybody was talking about it, but, you know, we gotta hit on something that we was talking about last week. [00:01:24] Speaker C: Hey, yeah, for sure. [00:01:25] Speaker B: We definitely got a hit on that. So last week we were talking about, you know, Yusef was saying about teaching your kids the mindset of money, like, learning that. So he. He made a statement. He was like, something along the lines of, you know, you gotta teach your kids that. So it got me to thinking, so what about the kids without dads? Is that our responsibility to kind of like, teach them and get them going? Like, who looks out for the kids without the dads with that mindset? Like, what you guys think about that? [00:01:56] Speaker D: I think it's our responsibility. You don't have to be his dad or whatever. I think it's our responsibility to help these women out. Single women especially. Because I think just looking at social media and you watch these people talk about money, businesses and whatnot, but when you getting it from a person right in front of you, like, I think it's better, you know, because there's no distraction. [00:02:20] Speaker B: Okay. Okay. [00:02:21] Speaker D: I think we can help with that instead of versus social media. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Okay, so to you, what that look like? Like. Like, do, like, you start a Group, like. Like what you doing? Like, how you implementing that? Maybe. [00:02:32] Speaker D: Well, you can. You can start a group. I feel like the podcast is good for that. You know, I encourage kids to look at podcasts, you know, because it's very, you know, it encouraging them to do better and. And to do well and to do what they wanna do. They don't have to do what we do, but it encourages them to do what they wanna do. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Okay, I roll with that. [00:02:53] Speaker C: Yo, just for me, that's like a community thing, man. And one of the biggest things that we should have and maintain is a good community. And just by default, when you have the right example around you, it's just going to rub off. And a lot of people say, man, you're. You're. You're a good role model. You're a good role model. To me, like, I don't play a role. This is a real model. [00:03:19] Speaker D: Right? I'm with that. [00:03:19] Speaker C: I see it as a real model, man. [00:03:21] Speaker D: Right? [00:03:22] Speaker C: And. [00:03:22] Speaker D: Right. [00:03:22] Speaker C: One of the things that I've. I've been challenged with since having my son is always. Or when he first came into this world, man, God asked me, like, man, are you satisfied with your son being how you were or how you are presently? And just from that alone, that gave me a mindset shift. Not saying that I was just this terrible person doing terrible things, but it was certain things that, you know, I didn't want to have him doing. So I think community is a big part and also allowing those men to be there. [00:03:57] Speaker D: Right. [00:03:58] Speaker C: A lot of times, man, we give men that cold shoulder. [00:04:03] Speaker A: Right? [00:04:04] Speaker D: Right. [00:04:04] Speaker C: And in regards to, you know, just. I ain't even going to say, man, just our community, it seems like we can't tell another person's kid anything. And when something goes awry, right? It's like, man, who was there? And nobody can answer because we're not allowed to be there. [00:04:23] Speaker D: Right? [00:04:24] Speaker C: So that's what I think is community thing. Like, even growing up for myself and for all of y', all, we had a community of men that, you know, that took care of us. Like, I can look at my. My grandparents, my uncles, and they're still here to this day, man, they would come pick us up on Saturdays, man, go fishing, doing yard work, go fishing, anything. In essence of being a real man. And, like, that's not necessarily always money, right? Cause, like, money runs out, you know, status runs out. But, like, the essence of who you are as a man, like, those are the things that's going to stay with you forever. And, like, those are the things I'm teaching the men around me, the young kids around me, because, like, they really need it. They really need it. [00:05:10] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:05:10] Speaker C: So, man, I just think we have to bring community back into us, and that's a unity in the community. [00:05:18] Speaker D: Right, right. [00:05:18] Speaker C: And, like, unity is in that word. I mean, community is in the word. Well, unity is in the word community. So, like, that's what I believe. [00:05:25] Speaker B: And I feel that because, you know, when we were growing up, you know, if somebody in the neighborhood saw you doing something that you weren't supposed to be doing. [00:05:32] Speaker D: Right. [00:05:32] Speaker C: I'm a tell. [00:05:33] Speaker B: They gonna tell. [00:05:34] Speaker C: I'm gonna tell your dad. [00:05:35] Speaker B: I'm gonna tell your mom. [00:05:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:37] Speaker C: They gonna get you themselves first. They gonna get you. [00:05:40] Speaker D: You can't do it now because you're like, am I gonna get in trouble? Am I gonna get shot? [00:05:44] Speaker C: Yeah, man, I'm telling you. [00:05:46] Speaker B: Right, right. [00:05:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:47] Speaker D: Even. We. We don't even want people to touch our kids. Some people. [00:05:51] Speaker C: I'm telling you. [00:05:51] Speaker D: Or tell our kids nothing. [00:05:52] Speaker B: Right? So. So when I'm thinking about it, like, from y' all perspective, you said what. What you think about it is. Is it our responsibility? [00:05:59] Speaker A: I don't know if it's our responsibility. [00:06:02] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:02] Speaker A: I will say I don't. I don't necessarily agree with our responsibility because responsibility means if I don't do it, then I'm to blame. [00:06:11] Speaker B: That's a fact. Point. [00:06:13] Speaker A: If I don't do it, then I'm to blame. [00:06:16] Speaker C: Okay. Like, [00:06:19] Speaker A: because, like, because. [00:06:20] Speaker C: Go ahead, go ahead. Break that down a little bit more. No, no. [00:06:22] Speaker A: Call me by that. [00:06:22] Speaker C: Not saying you wrong. [00:06:23] Speaker A: No, no. Because, like, let's say, like, I work in education and I work with kids every day. [00:06:28] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:06:29] Speaker A: I've probably impacted thousands, thousands of kids. [00:06:32] Speaker C: Thousands, yeah. For sure. [00:06:33] Speaker A: Just off of my interaction with them as an English teacher and then as a basketball coach, been a head basketball. I've been a basketball coach maybe 15 years now. And I always treat my student, my players and my students like they're my kids. [00:06:48] Speaker D: Right. [00:06:49] Speaker A: So that's me. And that's not necessarily my responsibility. It's what I choose to do. [00:06:53] Speaker D: Right. [00:06:53] Speaker A: Because I could choose not to, and that would be just fine because I have my own kids to raise. [00:06:58] Speaker C: For sure. [00:06:59] Speaker D: Right? [00:06:59] Speaker C: For sure. [00:06:59] Speaker A: And I'm gonna tell you where I'm leading back to. But, like, people who are not working day to day with kids. [00:07:06] Speaker D: Right. [00:07:07] Speaker A: It's not there. If we're saying it's our responsibility as mental to seek out these kids, if I don't come across them, it's not my responsibility to seek these kids out. Now, if I have a nephew who daddy ain't there, a cousin whose daddy ain't there, you know, a family friend or, you know, shoot, you done got a lady that got. You know what I'm saying, she got a kid, she got a young man, you know what I'm saying? Now you're in his life, then. Yeah, that does become your responsibility because these are people within your circle. But saying outwardly to the world that it's our responsibility. Yeah, I'm not sure, because the second, as. Let's say, like me as a father, I've put. I want to say put. But I have been instrumental in about maybe 200, 200 basketball players going to college and playing basketball to the next level. I coach with the. One of the Adidas programs that fully sponsored by Adidas. I work with them closely. I have the opportunity to go there, or I have the opportunity to stay local. Had a conversation with my friend who's actually the person that makes those decisions, and he was like. And I told him, I said, listen, I'm gonna take a step back from that, and I wanna stay local. The reason I wanna stay local. And he was like, I was gonna say the same thing. I said, well, you tell me why you said that. He said, because after all, you important to these other kids. It's your son's time now. He's in the seventh grade. It's time for me to put him first over these other kids. So those other kids have now taken a backseat to my son. So because I can continue with this Adidas program, which would be cool and all of that, but no, I need to stay closer to home so that I can help him. Yeah, because if I'm helping, if you're helping everybody else, I go by the same grandmother's told this with me. When you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. So if I have my own kids and it's my responsibility to help other kids, I'm taking time away from my kids. [00:09:09] Speaker B: That's a fact. That's a fact. [00:09:11] Speaker A: Okay, so it's not as. As a person with kids, it's not my responsibility, and I'm not taking it as my responsibility. Now, if in essence, I do affect a child or a young man because they're in my circumference, then cool. I'm affecting them by how I act, how I hold them accountable. I may teach them things like that. I may teach them things just by the way I move. The fact that I'm not. None of my players friends. My players don't text me on friend stuff. [00:09:38] Speaker D: Right. [00:09:39] Speaker A: At all. [00:09:40] Speaker D: Right. [00:09:40] Speaker A: They text my assistant coaches that stuff. There's a line you. This is a, this is a business that we're in. And although I am here as your mentor, I'm here to guide you, I'm here to help you. At the end of the day, once these four years is up, I got another set of kids I got to help. [00:09:55] Speaker D: Well, I get what you're saying. [00:09:57] Speaker A: So that's what, that's what I say when we saying we. Words matter. [00:10:01] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:10:02] Speaker A: So when we're saying responsibility, that's saying if I don't do it. [00:10:06] Speaker C: That's a heavy word. [00:10:06] Speaker A: That's a heavy word. I'm responsible for the kids I gave birth to. Well, I didn't give birth to they mamas gave birth to, but I'm responsible for them, the people who I help bring life into this world for. I'm not responsible to anybody else's kid or for anybody else's kid. Because when we start talking about responsibility and we see it as our responsibility, what happens when that kid fails? What do we see it as? [00:10:27] Speaker C: They looking at you. [00:10:27] Speaker D: I get what you're saying, but we [00:10:28] Speaker A: see it as a failure. [00:10:29] Speaker D: By me, I was speaking on the sense of. And you also said how we affect. Affecting because, like, through this podcast, we're going to reach a lot of kids. You know, we can't like just sit, physically sit in front of every kid. We affect them by what we tell them. [00:10:44] Speaker A: That's why I said, I mean, we [00:10:45] Speaker D: discuss here between us, we affect the kids that's watching. But I get what you're saying. [00:10:49] Speaker A: Yeah. Now if we, if we change the word from responsibility to like, you know, should we help or should we do or what can we do to affect. Because I just think the responsibility word of it, that, that, that word is the word that I take issue with. Because if I say this is my. I've done a good bit in my life. It was a kid, he was in the seventh grade, kid named Chris. Chris Turner. I met him in the seventh grade. This kid slashed the principal tires. He cussed the principal out. He was so bad, they put him out of school and said, hey, we don't even want to send you to the alternate school. You just gonna go to the high school. You don't even gotta come back to school no more. And he had a dude, as long as he was playing basketball, there was a. His dad was locked up and his dad was close Friends with the basketball coach at the middle school. And the coach said all the time he would come to Chris rescue. Chris rescue, Chris rescue. Soon as Chris was done with basketball in middle school, he was in the eighth grade at that time. He said to me, hey, man, that boy ain't gonna be. Man, don't. Don't go help him. Because he was done with basketball. So they put him out. He's at the house. He's texting, dude, hey, Unk. Hey, Unc. Hey, Unc, I'm hungry. Cause his mom wasn't feeding him at the house. She wasn't at the house. Priorities was jacked up. So I done said Kristen signed up for my mentoring program because I started a mentoring program. I figured since the way I came up, it was my job to help. I thought it was my responsibility. And this is gonna. And I'm gonna tell you, it's gonna mess you up when you get to the end of this. [00:12:19] Speaker D: So. [00:12:20] Speaker A: And I'm going to make it quick. I end up adopting Chris. I went to Chris's mom and I said, yo, I want to help. Apparently, you can't handle him. I'll take him in. I'll take him with me. I was married at the time. I took Chris in. First thing his mama said, you don't want to claim him on your taxes, do you? I was like, no, that's wild. I said, you can have it. And so she signed. We signed the paperwork. It became legit because Chris came to live with me. I was teaching. Whatever school I was teaching at, he went to. Chris went from failing every class as a ninth grader to graduating high school, getting a full football scholarship. Now he has a master's, and he's about to get married in Hawaii, of all places. He can afford to get married in Hawaii. He ended up with a child with the Washington Redskins. He's now working. Him and his fiance are working in, like, Iowa, Indiana, something like that. But he's successful. He did something with his life. He has two children of his own. I ended up divorced over Chris because I brought an outside child into my home. And I'm not saying that was the main reason, but that was a reason. And then Chris stayed with me through my next relationship. And remember, I'm dealing with a kid who got problems, but I also got four kids of my own, right? And I said yes to Chris, which was saying no to my other kids. And their moms saw that, because I'm taking Chris over here, taking him over there, and taking him over here. And Chris want To while out in school one day, I got to threaten him with stuff. And you know, he's living in the house with me and my fiance and his kid. I ended up my life to help him, which I thought was my responsibility. Ended up costing me a marriage and ended up weakening my engagement to my next supposed going to be wife. Because they said I put everybody's kids ahead of mine. And I put this kid, particularly, who I brought into the home without asking anybody, because I felt like it was my responsibility. Because I saw myself in him and nobody helped me. So I wanted to help him. But wait, it gets worse. I not only took Chris in, I took in a kid named Eric. And because I took in Eric, I had to take in his brother. At one time, I was in the house by myself. Couldn't see my own biological kids because I was taking in other people's kids. And where Chris is. And where Chris is, the success. Eric is dead. Eric got shot taking on that responsibility. And that hurt me because I feel like I failed because I didn't fully get him out the street. I would let them go home on the weekend. Eric didn't come back after the weekend one time, and I went to his house, I said, joe, Eric, what are we doing? He said, hey, man, coach, I gotta do what I gotta do, man. Ain't no lights in the house. My mama can't live like this. So you know what I gotta do? Eric went right back to the street, came to my house like two weeks later, got his stuff, moved him and his brother back to his mama house because he had to go slang. He had to go do his thing. He had to hustle. [00:15:26] Speaker C: Hey, man, that's. [00:15:27] Speaker A: But you see what I'm saying? So you get two. I ended up with two ends of the spectrum and ended up sacrificing because I ended up. [00:15:33] Speaker C: You got the short end. [00:15:34] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:15:35] Speaker A: Me personally, that's why when we talking about responsibility. Cause I thought it was my responsibility. And now if you talk to. If you talk to Chris, well, you can't talk to Eric, but you talk to Eric, brother, they'll tell you the best thing that ever happened to them was me. But my kids see it as a slight because I spent more time with other people's kids than I spent with them. Even though it was their mother who said, oh, if you're gonna go do that, then you're not gonna be over here with these. Even though I fought to try to see them. And the kids don't see the fight. [00:16:03] Speaker D: Yeah, they don't see so you see what I'm saying? [00:16:06] Speaker A: So when we talking about responsibility, we gotta remember when you say yes to something, you're saying no, because you only have but so much time. [00:16:13] Speaker D: But you. I don't get what you're saying, but you took him in. Versus, like, we're. We're responsible. I mean, like, as a whole. We're all responsible as men and women to put out the word. See, these kids got to do the work, too. You can't bring everybody into your house. You didn't have to. [00:16:30] Speaker A: Oh, you think I don't know? [00:16:31] Speaker D: I mean, you don't. I'm just saying you don't. In general, you don't have to help [00:16:35] Speaker A: a kid by bringing him in if we're seeing responsibility. No, but if. But if. [00:16:41] Speaker D: But if we use them to hear. To hear you. [00:16:43] Speaker A: But if we're talking to him. [00:16:45] Speaker D: But kids, these kids, they got to [00:16:47] Speaker A: do the work too, though, man. Listen, some kids. This kid was not eating in his house. [00:16:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:52] Speaker C: Circumstances matter and nuances matter. [00:16:54] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? So as a man who figured that it was his responsibility, like, now I think differently because I've been through it. I don't sacrifice. [00:17:03] Speaker C: Experiences shape our. [00:17:05] Speaker A: Exactly. So when we're talking about. I thought it was my responsibility because there was nobody there for me that was like, me. [00:17:11] Speaker D: Okay. [00:17:11] Speaker C: Hey. So he's essentially saying a few things. And I think one thing that's most important to Yusuf is saying, like, I have a standard myself. [00:17:23] Speaker D: Right. [00:17:23] Speaker C: And if you're not willing to be a part of the standard that I'm setting, I can't do nothing for you. And you're saying the same thing. Pretty much. And two, he's defending his self in a way that's beneficial to him because of the experience that he had, man. Like, that's heavy. So I can see. And that's why I said I wanted to hear more about why you said you don't see it as a responsibility. Because I understand that perspective, man. Like, that's a lot. You lost. [00:17:53] Speaker D: You lost. Cause you went all in. [00:17:55] Speaker A: Yeah, I lost stuff. [00:17:57] Speaker C: Things that were important. [00:17:59] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:17:59] Speaker C: And essential. [00:18:01] Speaker A: Not only important, but essential because I ended up not talking to my daughter and my son from my marriage. [00:18:05] Speaker C: That was my Nick. [00:18:06] Speaker B: That was my nigga. [00:18:06] Speaker A: I did not get. I lost eight years of their life. Boom. [00:18:12] Speaker B: That's a lot. [00:18:13] Speaker C: My son, 8. [00:18:14] Speaker A: I lost eight years. I can't imagine that I left. No, it was more than that. Because when we got divorced, they were 2 and 3. I didn't come back into their lives until they were 15 and 16. [00:18:29] Speaker D: So let me ask you this. [00:18:30] Speaker B: That's heavy. [00:18:31] Speaker D: Did the next woman understand? [00:18:32] Speaker A: Yeah, she was there with me, but it was to a point, right? You see, it's because when I met her, Chris was already living with me, right? And then she had a son. [00:18:42] Speaker D: Right? [00:18:42] Speaker A: And then she got pregnant. Then she got pregnant, and now we had another son. And then we had another son. So now it's four kids in here, and one of them don't belong to her. So eventually, guess what happens. Well, you putting more time into this kid than your own kids or my kid. [00:18:56] Speaker D: I get it. [00:18:57] Speaker A: So now it's all good. Oh, man. Oh, you're an amazing man. You took this kid in and you're. You're doing all these things to help the community until it affects you at what cost? In house? [00:19:08] Speaker C: At what it cost. [00:19:09] Speaker B: So for me, I get it. So for me, I look at it like. Cause I never really thought about it from that perspective until actually hearing what you just said. And that's so with the responsibility now. And I'm actually glad we had this conversation, because most of the time we see eye to eye on just about everything we discuss. I still feel like we have a responsibility, but maybe not to that degree, that degree. Like, because I'm more like you in the way that I will probably, like, go in overdrive to save this kid [00:19:41] Speaker A: that I see myself in. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Like. And I. And I feel like I would do that. Like, you know, I would be like. But learning, hearing from you, like, bro, that's a heavy cost, bro, Right? That's a very heavy cost. [00:19:51] Speaker A: Now, do I feel. Do I feel blessed that I saved a kid? [00:19:55] Speaker D: Yeah, I do. [00:19:56] Speaker B: Right? [00:19:57] Speaker A: That kid. That kid would never thought. He didn't think he was going to graduate high school, end up with a football scholarship. He has a master's degree. [00:20:04] Speaker C: That's a 180, man. [00:20:06] Speaker A: He did not pay. He has to. He has no debt. He has no nothing. No student loans. You know what I'm saying? And so for him, that's. I'm. Eric, on the other hand, and Eric's son. Eric had a son when he got shot. You know what I'm saying? I still talk to his brother, I still talk to his moms, I talk to his son. You know what I'm saying? I'm still in their lives. But it drastically affected how I did things going forward, because when I got the job, moving up this. To this area, there was a kid that I was about to do the same thing for right and the principal called me in the office, and he said, coach, I hired an English teacher and a basketball coach. I did not hire a social worker. So you decide which job you want, and then I need you to act accordingly. [00:20:55] Speaker B: Go ahead. [00:20:56] Speaker D: And I'm gonna say this, man. Like, I'm. I'm spirit. I'm on a spirit spiritual. You did God's work, man. Like, I understand what. What that principal, whoever was telling you you're not a social worker, but you are social. And. And I'm talking about, like, in the presence of God. [00:21:15] Speaker A: But. [00:21:15] Speaker D: But you know what I'm saying? But I'm not gonna get that deep. [00:21:18] Speaker A: No, but he was saying something to the point of what you said just now. What? Who has to do the work? [00:21:24] Speaker B: The child. [00:21:25] Speaker A: The kid got to do the work. That's what you said. [00:21:27] Speaker B: Right? [00:21:28] Speaker A: So that's what he was telling me. You can lead him, but he gotta do the work. That's what he was telling me. I was going so hard for this kid. [00:21:32] Speaker D: Right, right. [00:21:33] Speaker A: And now, mind you, when I got there, I'm just meeting this kid. [00:21:36] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:21:36] Speaker A: So he's like. I said, yo. I said, man, this kid. Because I took him to South Carolina State camp. And they was like, yo, this kid is great. He was six' six Kahoot. He was like, man, this kid is really good. Hey, his grades ain't straight. Hey, look, just get him through the year. We'll send we sales. County said they'll pay for him to go to Denmark Tech after he finishes two years, we'll give him a scholarship. That's what they said. [00:21:57] Speaker B: Jesus. [00:21:58] Speaker A: So I'm like, shoot. So I go to the principal. Cause the principal said, this boy cannot play basketball at this school. I don't care what you say. And I said, well, what can we do? He said, he just has. If he gets no referrals, we're good. First day of school, boy get a referral. I go to the doggone principal. Oh, let's not do it. Okay, coach. No problem. [00:22:16] Speaker D: Right? [00:22:17] Speaker A: Two days later, another referral. [00:22:19] Speaker D: Yeah, I like another referral. [00:22:21] Speaker A: And I kept fighting for the kid to play. And then that's when he called me in, and he was like, you're sacrificing your job for this one? He was like, and you got 30 other kids that you're gonna have to coach. [00:22:34] Speaker D: How was you sacrificing your job, though? [00:22:37] Speaker A: Because at the end of the day, when I'm hired to do two things, teach kids and win, that's what I'm hired to do. [00:22:46] Speaker D: Right. [00:22:47] Speaker A: However, else I affect me personally, my job, Me personally. I think my job is in three things. One, I'm supposed to create young, black, young great men. That's what I'm supposed to do. The second thing, I'm supposed to get them to graduate on time. That's the second thing. The third thing is to create college eligible college ready basketball players. And if I'm doing those three things, winning just kind of happens. That's how I've taken my job on. Winning just kind of happens. Because if you got five or ten college caliber fellas. [00:23:18] Speaker C: Yeah, that's winning right there. [00:23:19] Speaker A: That's winning right there. Kids graduating, kids signing, signing to go to school. That's all winning. [00:23:24] Speaker D: I got you. [00:23:24] Speaker A: But it does. Winning is a thing. [00:23:27] Speaker B: It helps. [00:23:28] Speaker A: Winning is a thing. Do you think if I lose the [00:23:31] Speaker B: school I work at, I was just about to say, if I lose matter [00:23:34] Speaker A: if I lose Tuesday, I'm probably fired on Wednesday from that job. They're not gonna find me from the school. I could probably go just reg. Be a regular teacher. I won't be coaching no basketball there [00:23:45] Speaker B: because they, they have a high pride for their school. So to, to, to spin it back to what something you said, I really think, like you said spiritually, because I'm, I'm, I'm on that. I think it's our duty and our assignment to be to look out for our fellow man. But like we could learn from this because there is a certain level because the Bible says faith without works is dead, right? So I can have all the faith in you that I want to have in you. But you got to put in the work. [00:24:11] Speaker D: Got to put in the work. Put in the work. [00:24:12] Speaker B: So even though I feel as though it is a responsibility, I'm only going to go as far as you're willing to go. So therefore. [00:24:20] Speaker D: I got that. [00:24:21] Speaker B: My bad. Therefore, if you. Not really. Okay, so if every day I'm telling you, look man, you see I'm showing up, I'm doing my part, bro, you got to meet me in the middle. You got to do your part. So although it's my responsibility and it's a mandate by God to be a servant and you know, to help my fellow man, right? Bro, you even gotta tell you faith without works is dead. Like I said before. So if you not working, you could pray all day if you like this. If I say, man, I want this house, well, how much money you got? No skin in the game. Well, you got a job now. I ain't got no job. You got it. You don't really want it because you're not doing the work that says, exactly I want it. So therefore. [00:25:00] Speaker A: And I had to learn there's a. Because there's a balance to what we do. You know what I mean? And I was so far left early that it affected. I sacrificed other things. So now I found the balance of. I'm going to help those who want the help. [00:25:15] Speaker B: There you go, there you go. [00:25:17] Speaker A: But I'm going to put a standard on what I get. I got a kid on the team right now that always got in trouble. And so when he made the team, I called him in my office and I said, hey, man, I said, we ain't gonna do what we did last year. I said, so what I need you to do is I need you to walk this straight line. I said, now if you tell me that you could walk this straight line, you good, you on the team. And he was about to answer me. I said, I said, I want you to go home. [00:25:42] Speaker C: I understand what you're saying. [00:25:43] Speaker A: I want you to go to sleep. I said, and when you wake up in the morning, I did say, answer me. But I don't need you to answer me. I need you to look in the mirror. I need you to answer yourself. And if you answer yourself, yes, I can do all the things coach is [00:25:55] Speaker D: going to ask you to do. [00:25:56] Speaker A: Me, then you could just show up to practice and give you a uniform. That boy did not come to practice, right? [00:26:00] Speaker B: He didn't come to practice, no, because [00:26:02] Speaker A: he knew he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. Now in December, after the Christmas holiday, he came back because he had been through some things and he was like, I could do it, Coach. He said, I, I could do it. [00:26:17] Speaker B: You did. You, you. [00:26:18] Speaker A: So I put him on the team. [00:26:20] Speaker B: So, okay, boom, here we go. [00:26:21] Speaker A: And so not responsibility. [00:26:22] Speaker B: And the other night you did your job. [00:26:23] Speaker A: And the other night he scores six points, helps us win, right? [00:26:27] Speaker D: But I get it, we're responsible. [00:26:29] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? So I think you gotta put some. You gotta put the onus where it belongs, and it's on the kid. So we gotta put the responsibility where it belongs. And it belongs on the person that we're trying to change. Because if you're dealing with a kid and you saying it's our responsibility to help these kids, and we're dealing with a kid that don't want to change, and no matter what we do, no matter what we say, no matter what example we say, it's not going to work. So the responsibility Goes on the person that is responsible for their life and that's the kid. [00:27:01] Speaker B: And I put it like this. It's shared responsibility. [00:27:03] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:27:04] Speaker B: Shared responsibility. Because. [00:27:05] Speaker A: Because. Not if he. Not. Because now if he wants my help now, now that's different. Now I'm here. [00:27:10] Speaker D: Right? He got to want it. Right. [00:27:11] Speaker B: I get it. You know what I'm saying? [00:27:13] Speaker A: Cuz if he. Cuz if he wants the responsibility of holding himself accountable. [00:27:17] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:27:18] Speaker A: That he could deal with me holding him accountable. [00:27:19] Speaker D: You gotta do that first. [00:27:20] Speaker A: He don't have to live with me for that. You gotta do that because now he's out in the street. [00:27:24] Speaker D: Right? [00:27:24] Speaker A: See, I had to take a kid, I felt like I had to take the kids out of the environment for them to change. [00:27:29] Speaker D: Right? [00:27:30] Speaker A: And sometimes you just have to change where you are for it to be lasting. Right. [00:27:34] Speaker D: You gotta change where you are. [00:27:36] Speaker B: Because I feel like what you just said, honestly, that's one of the biggest helps that I can give you. Because at the end of the day in life, you not going to always be able to move. Bingo, where you want to move. So you got to have the integrity, the self discipline, the wherewithal to say no matter. And if everybody around, and I hate to use this as an example, if everybody around me fired some crack right now, I got to be able to say I'm not participating in that. [00:28:03] Speaker D: Even if I'm there. [00:28:04] Speaker B: Even if I'm there, I'm not participating. [00:28:06] Speaker A: I'm not. It's not. No, I'm not. [00:28:08] Speaker D: Listen, man, I get it, man. Listen, I done been out there, like gotta have this, man. Yeah, listen, I had, I had decent parents, man, and, and still went astray, you know what I'm saying? [00:28:21] Speaker B: Most definitely. [00:28:22] Speaker D: Because at the end of the day, no matter what they told me, it was still on me, you know, And. And to this day, money, I may not have the money or what else that I really, really want. But you know what? I have faith. Everything I have is mine, though. I was called whatever, you know anything about that. But I'm just saying you're not gonna get everything that you want in life. You gotta have faith and peace within yourself, man. [00:28:55] Speaker B: That piece, you gotta know who you [00:28:56] Speaker D: are among everything else in life. [00:28:59] Speaker B: Telling you, man, that piece is a [00:29:00] Speaker D: big thing and these kids are not getting it. That's why it's so much violence, gun violence, trouble out here right now. We see it. But. [00:29:09] Speaker A: But to go back to earlier point y' all made, talking about the community and people not stepping up, it's mainly because the Kids are from a generation of kids who didn't want to be held accountable. [00:29:22] Speaker B: But wait. Okay, so when we. When we talk about where that started, [00:29:25] Speaker A: the people that are raising these kids. [00:29:27] Speaker B: Parents. [00:29:27] Speaker D: The parents have trickled down. [00:29:28] Speaker A: The parents of these kids trickle down. They didn't want. They didn't want to be held accountable for nothing. So that's why you can't say nothing to their kid now, because that's why you can't say. Think about it now. Every. I didn't. You didn't. They didn't. Like when somebody else told what to do. You know what I'm saying? I was. I was a head coach. It's two things. I was a coach in Denmark, and all the kids on the team was in the game. All. It was two games in Denmark. Every single kid was in the game. [00:30:02] Speaker B: Come on, boy. [00:30:04] Speaker A: I asked them, I said, yo, who's the head of these gangs? They told me no. They told me, hey, this person. I said, shoot me their number. Vitamin them over to the house. I cooked. I had drinks. I sat down. I said, hey, man, I just want to break some bread with y'. [00:30:19] Speaker B: All. [00:30:20] Speaker A: I said, can y' all do me a favor? They ate everything, man. Coach, man, you cool, man. I ain't. No. I said, I just need y' all to do me a favor. Leave these boys alone until they graduate. I said, don't you wish somebody would have done that for you? [00:30:31] Speaker D: All right. [00:30:31] Speaker A: I said, some of these dudes got a chance to go off to college and make some of themselves. I said, now, if they graduate and they don't do nothing with themselves, but that's on them. That's on them. [00:30:40] Speaker D: That's on them. [00:30:40] Speaker A: I said, but at least let them finish high school. [00:30:43] Speaker C: You give them a chance. [00:30:44] Speaker A: They was like, you know what, Coach? We got you. The boy can't be around us no more because. [00:30:48] Speaker D: Because I get what you're saying. [00:30:49] Speaker A: And it was just that simple. [00:30:50] Speaker D: Everybody. Education is very important because everybody can't grind without college, right? I didn't go to college, but everybody don't got that grind in them that get up without college, man. Well, everybody can't do that. [00:31:04] Speaker A: It was more so, you know, for me, it wasn't even. I don't know if it was the point of them going to college. It was just the point of a. [00:31:11] Speaker B: Giving them chance, dog. [00:31:12] Speaker A: Let them be kids to figure stuff out before we start putting them in these situations where they're gonna end up in jail before they get a chance to start their life right. [00:31:20] Speaker D: Exactly. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Cause like, we had the people like, I remember me and my boy L. 10th grade, we smoking in the damn park. Two dudes we play AAU for they team the biggest drug dealers in down, Chad. And money. Money comes down there. He sees us smoking, he smokes with us. [00:31:34] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:31:34] Speaker A: Oh, man, give me some boom. Smokes with us. All right, fellas. Daps us up, leaves maybe 10 minutes pass. Dudes run up on us, beat our ass in the park. Beat. I'm talking about. I. I've been in a bunch of fights. I ain't never got my ass whipped like that before. And then. And then who it was, it was goddamn Chad. Let me catch you smoking out here again, mind you. You was just smoking with me. Let me catch you out here smoking again. Y' all boys got something to do? Y' all got basketball practice. He said, yosh, man, you play football? Nah, man. Nah, we we. You not. You're not about to do this. Hey, right, man, I tell you what I never did again. I never went down to that damn partner smoke. [00:32:14] Speaker C: You ain't did that no more, though. You ain't did it no more. [00:32:16] Speaker A: But that's how I came up. I came up with that. We don't have that because the people that are are the parents. Now, you can't. A teacher cannot reprimand a kid without a parent calling and say, why you said that to my son. [00:32:29] Speaker C: And they gonna protect the student. [00:32:31] Speaker A: Phones are illegal in school. You cannot have a phone in school. If you take that child phone, I guarantee you that parent come up there, you. You are gonna. They are going to get on your ass because these are the parents who did not want any accountability. And they're raising kids who don't want accountability. So guess what's gonna happen. We gonna have more kids that don't want no accountability. [00:32:50] Speaker B: Man, to your point, yo. To your point, man. I was working with this girl, and she, I guess her daughter, you know, they got a dress code in school. I guess the little girl had a. They. I think they said it has to be finger. [00:33:00] Speaker A: Fingertip length. [00:33:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay, so the little girl had a skirt on that was too. That was too short. So the guidance counselor, Amel called her mom and was like, hey, hey, can you bring your daughter some transient clothes? The girl, instead of saying, I shouldn't have let her out the house with that. I shouldn't have bought that she got mad with the guidance counselor. What is he looking at my baby for? So me being who I am, she, you know, she. She get saying her spill. I said, Can I ask you a question? I said, you don't think you should be appreciative that that man wasn't trying to call your daughter in a room and play with her? I said, you're mad with him because. But what? Is she looking at her? I said, yo, I can clearly see if a skirt is too little just by. Just about. But you're mad with this man for telling you to bring your daughter a change of clothes and really trying to help y' all out. You're more mad with that than you are with yourself saying, why do my daughter have on a pair [00:33:56] Speaker A: that you bought? [00:33:57] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:33:57] Speaker D: That goes back. [00:33:58] Speaker A: You bought your daughter this. [00:34:00] Speaker D: He said, parents, they just take it a different way. You can't say nothing to these kids, man. [00:34:06] Speaker B: Yeah, it's different. [00:34:06] Speaker D: You can't say it's different. [00:34:07] Speaker A: But. [00:34:08] Speaker D: But telling you. [00:34:09] Speaker A: But I think that you have to continue doing it whether the parent likes it or not. [00:34:14] Speaker B: You got to. [00:34:15] Speaker A: Because my thing is, listen, I'm responsible for what I say and do. [00:34:19] Speaker C: Right? [00:34:20] Speaker A: I am not responsible for your reaction. [00:34:22] Speaker C: Cause they can be like, you should have saw me with it on. He ain't say nothing. [00:34:26] Speaker A: That part, like. [00:34:27] Speaker B: And then sometime, like, y' all saying, now, you know where you have a lot of kids that don't. For whatever home situation they got going on, for where they don't really feel their parents, whatever their parents say, they kind of not into it. But we all know everybody that plays sports, Little league sports, all the way up into high school, however far you got, your coach had a very big impact in your life. And your mama might tell you, son, blase, blase. But when that coach say something, it's a completely different ball game. [00:34:57] Speaker C: To this day, I still call all the coaches that I ever had, I still call them boys the Man Coach. [00:35:02] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:35:03] Speaker C: I don't call them anything other than [00:35:05] Speaker D: coach as the respect. [00:35:07] Speaker C: Cause that's the impact that's so important in the lives of sports. And one thing, too, just to bring it all together is, man, what Yusuf does, what any of us do is not for us to be like, oh, to say, I'm proud of you. One thing that I always tell my son is like, hey, man, the things you do, you have to be proud with yourself. You gotta be proud with yourself, with the things that you do. Now, if you're not proud, that comes from a place of shame or guilt because you believe that you didn't hold the standard that you had before you or that you have set for yourself. So it's not about making Me proud. My son is great in the taekwondo. He's like three belts away from a black belt. [00:35:53] Speaker D: Just wanna touch on that. This is a very good subject. Like, what we talking about? [00:35:59] Speaker A: I just. [00:36:00] Speaker D: Like, I just feel for the kids that's doing good. Because I didn't see kids go astray because I did. Like I said, I had decent parents. I went astray, and I was. [00:36:12] Speaker C: What made you go astray, Rich? Speak on that a little bit. [00:36:15] Speaker D: Just being curious. I ain't blaming nobody. I stopped blaming people and I started blaming myself. I mean, right? Started pointing the finger at myself, and that's when I started to get it. But a lot of these kids ain't. Some of them gonna get. A lot of them not gonna get it. Because we know, man, they. They around here, they. Listen, man, they got tools this big, man, you know? Cause like you said, whatever they got going on at home, man, they wanna kill each other. I don't understand it. [00:36:41] Speaker B: They got the biggest tool already, though, Reggie. [00:36:43] Speaker C: They got the biggest tool already. This right here, this your biggest tool. But no, no, they're using it, right? [00:36:50] Speaker B: For the wrong reason. [00:36:51] Speaker C: They're misguided. Like all these gangsters and all, like, they're just misg. [00:36:55] Speaker B: Right. [00:36:55] Speaker C: You know what I mean? [00:36:56] Speaker A: Right. [00:36:57] Speaker C: So in that essence, we have to nurture. Yeah, nurture the mind, you know? And like always, like, as the mind goes, the body will follow. You can't do anything with your body until your mind, right. Formulates it and you conceptualize it and making it to a reality. So we have to just be more. Feed more into those things that the kids are doing well, are doing well in. And one thing, too, that even my high school band teacher shout out to Mr. Henderson. One thing he always did was make things relatable. He made things relatable. He knew I loved basketball, so he made music and basketball relate. He made a free throw relate to how your rhythm is and, you know what I'm saying, dribbling and how your coordination should be and things like that. So I think that's another thing, too. Not in the sense of like, oh, man, like, with tools, that you speak it, all right? But just, hey, man, you gotta dig deeper into these kids and challenge them to see what it is that they're really into. Because, man, I know for myself, like, I'm a reader, right? But that fell off of me because of the peer pressure that was. Surrounded me in regards to reading. Oh, you a nerd. You a blur. I like anime, things like that. So I shied away from those Things not realizing that we're not a monolith. Black men aren't just one way. And we should dispel that stereotype and saying, oh, you're not a man if you don't do X, Y, D, or if you do X, Y, and Z. So we have to really dig deep and say, hey, man, like, that's cool, but is that what you really like? Cause there are some things that I gave up that I thought I would never give up. And as I thought about, like you said, I didn't blame anybody. I was like, yo, is this something that is really a part of me? Or is this something that I picked up from a negative situation that I was in at the moment? Cause a lot of times we pick up things that don't even belong to us. [00:39:06] Speaker D: Don't even belong to us. [00:39:08] Speaker B: And also, to your point, man, two things. Picking up stuff that don't belong to you. That's why it's very important for parents to know, you know, watch who your kids around. Because spiritual warfare is a real thing. And a lot of times things get a hold to your kids, even through music, through visual stuff that they see, that stuff get a hold to those kids. And then, you know, you wondering why you don't know what goes on in somebody household. You send your child, oh, yeah, you can go play with your friend at the. You don't know what spiritual stuff is going on. And number two, the mindset thing, we have to get back to the basis, if we can, to reach these kids, to tell them, if there's one thing that my daddy taught me that stood out above the rest, it's this one thing. Be your own man, son. At the end of the day, be your own man. Because a lot of times I feel like that's where these kids messed up at. They not their own man. You would be surprised how many times you go to a game, everybody in there all got on the same clothes, [00:40:04] Speaker C: same thing going on. [00:40:05] Speaker B: Everybody walked like young boy. Everybody want to be, yo, be your [00:40:08] Speaker C: own ski mask, right? [00:40:10] Speaker B: Be your own man, son. So, like, I feel like, you know, if everybody take the approach, like we dealing with a lost generation, the generation is lost. [00:40:17] Speaker D: It is lost. [00:40:18] Speaker B: So at the end of the day, it's guys, like I said, not too preachy. Not coming across as, like, I've never had. [00:40:25] Speaker D: Like, you never done nothing, right? [00:40:27] Speaker B: Like, I've never done anything. Like you said yourself, I did it. I've had my stuff, but I took responsibility. So teaching these kids, take responsibility. Be your own man. And like, just. That's how we get back to the basics. Because if. If everybody thinks that all the. I don't like to use this term, but y ends are lost causes, they're going to be lost. Because sometimes all you need. Not every time. Because I'm gonna start by saying this. You can't save everybody, and we know that. But if you can reach one, yeah. And that one can reach somebody else, [00:40:58] Speaker D: after a while, you're doing the work. [00:40:59] Speaker B: Everybody's connected. [00:41:00] Speaker D: You're still doing that. You're doing the work. So, man, you're doing the work. [00:41:03] Speaker C: And to say again, to put both of your points into a bigger perspective, man, I did a food program. I did breakfast and lunch for the kids in West Florence. There's some time ago, and to this day, one of the kids that I fed, man, he works at Walmart, you know, man, and if you consider the situation that he was in is no way. Well, not no way. But it'll be hard for him to be outside of that. Him and his sister are doing well. But on the opposite end of that to you, you said about Eric getting shot or whatever, the same. On that same end, the same kid that I fed, man, 13, 14 years old, man, shot dead because he didn't buy in or he didn't see what it mean. I ain't even going to take it that far, but by the time I had my first child at 26, he was about to have his second child at 17, [00:42:00] Speaker B: so. [00:42:01] Speaker C: But, like, things like that, man, we have to consider a lot of things, man. So Yusuf, man, you, you. You. You flipped the script with that experience that you shared with us in regards to responsibility, Reggie, you brought in the knowledge of. I'm not. How old are you, Reggie? [00:42:23] Speaker D: 50, man. I probably won't believe it, but. [00:42:25] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't have guessed that. But you bought the knowledge. You're saying, like, hey, man, like, in essence, it is a part of our responsibility as well. You know what I'm saying? Like, the fact that we all came together and right. Got to understanding, right? That's what I believe is really important. [00:42:44] Speaker D: Because if they see this, you know, like you said, it may not change him, but it may change. Change him, him and him. [00:42:52] Speaker B: Even to the point that y' all guys just said, you know, you said, watching this helps kids. You said, you know, we came to an agreement because there was a difference of opinion. And that don't always mean this for the young. This is for the young guys. We just going to throw this one [00:43:10] Speaker C: in here, come on come on with a Q. [00:43:12] Speaker B: Just because there's a difference of opinion, that don't mean no lives have to be lost. I don't mean we're beefing. That don't mean we could never talk again. Because everybody has a difference of opinion. [00:43:21] Speaker D: Exactly. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Maybe I didn't see it his way until he explained it. Maybe he didn't sit my way until I explained it. That's why communication is such a big thing. Like, my bad, bro. Even with the anger thing. Oh, man, we have to learn to communicate these things because if a lot of beefs, a lot of things could be stopped by just communicating. Because a lot of things be misunderstanding. Oh, I didn't see your point of view. I didn't know you thought about it like this. Because your perception is your reality. So therefore, if I say something and it come across as a subliminal on social media to you, you might take it. All right, I got something for. [00:43:57] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:43:57] Speaker B: When you could have just hit me up. Like, bro, hey, what did you mean by. What exactly did you mean by that? Not. Were you checking me? Because, for one, we got to stop using. I ain't checking nobody. But I'm asking you as a man, like, clarity. Yeah, for clarity, like, bro, what you meant by that over. All I was saying was, and we got to be man enough to understand. Like, you explaining that. Ain't you tucking your tail. You explaining that don't make you less than a man, bro. That make you real. [00:44:20] Speaker C: That's the way to garner respect from one another and, like, just coming together. And like you say, it's not beef. It's not. Oh, this is what I really want to say. There's no such thing as right or wrong. And most situations of communication, there's no such thing as right or wrong. [00:44:41] Speaker B: I'm saying because write that down for us. [00:44:45] Speaker C: It was a book I read called don't believe everything that you think or it's called and deals with overthinking. And a lot of times when we have these misunderstandings, it's our ego that gets in the way of us seeing the perspective of one another. And once we bring our ego into the equation, man, everything else just falls off. Everything else is nonexistent because we're not seeing it from a place of Q or Reggie. I'm seeing it from my viewpoint and my viewpoint only. I'm right. He wrong. But once you experience that ego death or experience your shadow self and you look at it like, man, I was just really taking it personal when most things aren't to be taken personal. It's just like we said, the experience that they had with the thing, it's just a story, right? It's just a story. That's all it is. [00:45:42] Speaker B: And then to add to that, also understanding that there's a lot of variables that go into every scenario. So we always look at things from a surface level. Like. Like when they. When they was just talking a minute ago. If these wasn't mature males and understanding, it could have went left, but because they are mature males, like, I noticed it could have went there, but because [00:46:07] Speaker D: it could have went left, right? Thank you. [00:46:10] Speaker C: Oh, God. Oh, God. Like, you said it perfectly. And like, there's another book called the Four Agreements or the Five Agreements. It say, don't make assumptions. That's perfect example. Cause then, like, I had to get rid of that thought. I'm like, dang, man, they have a difference of opinion. I'm like, man, I hope nothing don't pop off. That's me assuming something will pop off because it's fragile being a man and being open about, you know, your perspective. And people can take that and skew it into a way that you ain't even never really meant. But it's just like, dang, bro, like, so you absolutely right. Like, the tension can be so. So. But it's about tender, man. [00:46:58] Speaker A: But that's. That's. That's because. That's because some of these boys. Because I don't call them men. Yeah, that's because some of these boys are tender. Yeah, they tender because. Because if you think about it, how am I to take if we having a disagreement? You ain't call me no name. You ain't raised me. [00:47:19] Speaker D: No disrespect. [00:47:20] Speaker A: There was no disrespect. He had his opinion or his feelings of how he said it. Whatever. I said my piece. I said what I had to say. There's a mutual respect that's just given. Because he's not telling me anything. You know what I'm saying? So now if I'm insecure or one of these tender boys out here, not all of a sudden. I see what you saying as an attack on me. No, we just have two varying perspectives. Various perspectives. Varying. I'm sorry. Perspectives on what we're talking about. [00:47:50] Speaker C: Right. [00:47:51] Speaker A: Which with. And each perspective has been influenced by the experiences that we've had. So if I respect him in his experience, I know he's not attacking me. [00:48:04] Speaker B: Right? Yeah. And also, too, that's standing up. Most people are passionate about one thing. About most people, whatever they believe in whatever their thing is, they're passionate about it. And they're going to stand on top of the mountains and tell everybody about it but you. [00:48:19] Speaker A: But we also have to understand that you can be passionate without being emotional. [00:48:25] Speaker B: Exactly right. [00:48:26] Speaker D: You can't. [00:48:27] Speaker A: Sometimes people mistake. Sometimes people mistake passion for emotion. [00:48:32] Speaker C: Emotionalism. [00:48:33] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:48:34] Speaker A: And if I'm passionate about how I feel, I tell the boys all the time, we got to play with passion without emotion. [00:48:40] Speaker B: Break that down for us. [00:48:42] Speaker A: Play with passion, like, with emotion has to do with how I feel. Passion is about my love. [00:48:48] Speaker C: Yeah. And emotions gonna come and go. [00:48:49] Speaker A: Emotions are gonna come and go. My passion stays consistent. [00:48:52] Speaker D: Right. [00:48:53] Speaker A: I'm going hard because I love this. [00:48:55] Speaker D: I love to go hard. [00:48:57] Speaker A: My emotions can sway because this person said I suck. Now all of a sudden I gotta prove to him I'm not sucking. [00:49:03] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:49:03] Speaker A: I don't suck. [00:49:04] Speaker D: You don't have to. [00:49:04] Speaker A: I gotta go. I gotta go one on one. [00:49:06] Speaker C: I gotta go out my way. [00:49:07] Speaker A: I gotta make a bucket now. [00:49:08] Speaker D: I was getting rid of it. [00:49:09] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? We have to. We have to act and we have to make decisions without emotion. [00:49:17] Speaker D: I'm telling you which is. [00:49:18] Speaker A: Which is nine times out of 10, and I don't want nobody in my inbox. But nine times out of 10, what's what separates men from women? We make decisions on logic. Women most likely make decisions on emotion. And any man who makes decisions on emotion has now become a boy. [00:49:35] Speaker C: Just think about that, man. Go ahead, Rich. [00:49:37] Speaker D: Yeah, I like what he says. I was thinking the same thing, because I try to tell these young guys, man, I work some of them, you know, your character from home. If you're struggling with that, it's gonna carry on to the job world, you know, and you gotta know how to handle yourself out there, because we know what's out there. We ain't even got to get deep. We ain't got to say, talk about it, you know, it's out there. Anybody, black or white or purple, they can come at you in a way that you felt was disrespectful or it might have. Was. You still got to know how to handle that in a manner exactly, you know, so it goes back to everything your character has got to do, how you're going to perform at job, relationships, you know, and this goes for women, too, because they're struggling too with it. [00:50:28] Speaker B: And like you said, man, I think being able to control yourself, man, I used to think that getting revenge was one of the strongest things that you could do until either I was reading or I watched something and it said, actually, I think I was listening to Bishop Younger preacher message on YouTube. [00:50:47] Speaker C: That's why. [00:50:47] Speaker B: Yep. Yes, sir. I was listening to Bishop Younger preach, and he said. He said, no. What's real strength is being able to say, you know what? I'm gonna let God do that. I'm gonna let being able to control your emotions and not feeling like, for one, like. Like with me and the pride thing, we got to have the last word. My word matters more than yours. I got to be louder. I got to be more boisterous. Because sometimes your pride is the very thing that kills you. Because we. We don't always have to. Like, like. Like I'm saying, just if we can contain our pride and learn to. You could be emotional, you could be passionate, but your pride ain't got to tell you, like, get disrespectful, go to the. To the point of making threats and. And all that, bro. We all men at the end of the day, like I said, when these guys did a little thing and it wasn't nothing but, like, I was sitting back, I was like, it'll work itself out. Like, yeah, it'll work itself out because. Go ahead. [00:51:39] Speaker D: I post on social media. I mean, to cut you off. I post on social media, on Tick Tock, man, and I tell people, happiness is not about fitting in. It's about what you like. And I think that these kids are struggling with that. That's why they're being followers. And like he said, they're being boys and not growing into grown men. Most definitely, you know, because they not confident in what they might like you running with. They're running with these group of guys, but he might see something that he like, that he want to do, and he don't want to be in the street no more. But he hate to disappoint them, just like you said, he not don't have his own mind. [00:52:15] Speaker C: You always do it to yourself first, man. When it comes to not being honest, you're not honest with yourself first of all. [00:52:25] Speaker A: Five agreements. I read the book. [00:52:28] Speaker B: That's facts, man. [00:52:31] Speaker A: One of the agreements, the five agreements, one of them is do not lie to yourself. [00:52:35] Speaker C: Like, for real, man. Also, man, nothing to Always do your best. [00:52:40] Speaker A: Always do your best. [00:52:42] Speaker C: Don't always assume. You know what I'm saying? The book is called. And what author's name? Don Miguel Ruiz. [00:52:49] Speaker A: Yep, Don Miguel. [00:52:50] Speaker C: And he has a son, too, his junior, of course. But, man, Don Miguel Ruiz is somebody that really changed my thought process man on a lot. He has. One of the first books that I read from Don Miguel Ruiz is called the Mastery of Love. And that book totally transformed what it is for me. And it's not even like love within a relationship. It's like within yourself and what it means to love yourself in a real way. And one thing that he talks about is like, even growing up when you're young, people always tell you when you're young, that's when you're your fullest self, your true self. It's only when you become older and you have the people around you, like your parents or your family or your friends telling you what's socially acceptable or the ways for you to be in order to be accepted into society. And once we do those kind of things, doing things from the acceptance of others, we disregard ourselves or we throw our. And we bury the version of our true selves on top of what it is that we truly are. And once we deconstruct those things and take these things off that never belong to us and become our true selves and do the things that bring us, like, real joy, that's when you begin to, you know, run into things like this right here. For me, like, this is something that I'm passionate about. And one thing me and my brother talk about all the time is just if you get no applause, would you still be the same way? Like, what's your why, what's your reason for doing it? If nobody ever said congratulations or are you doing a good job, would you still be doing that thing? And that goes into another book I read. Don't do things for the applause or for the congratulations because first they hail you, right? First they hail you, then they nail you, right? The very first time that you do something that's contrary to what they believe that you should do. Like, man, perfect example, he's the basketball coach. Things are going well right now. As far as I can see, things are going well. Could things be better? Yes. But say, man, he comes up to a challenge of coming over Illusion street, they done lost four or five games in a row, man. They're calling for that man's job. [00:55:24] Speaker A: Wait, hold on. Let me tell you something. I'm gonna tell you a few things I've not heard this year. You're doing a good job. I've heard it from my boss. We're on a 10 game winning streak right now going into the playoffs. [00:55:38] Speaker B: Shout out to y' all for that. [00:55:41] Speaker A: After every game, I've had to deal with a parent who's upset over what? Doesn't matter. Various reasons, but we just won. So once again. So a parent told me, well, how would you do. How would you do if this was your son? I said, well, let me tell you right, Let me tell you right now, it is my son. What you mean? I said, my son played for the middle school and guess what? He go to practice every day. I said, before school, he puts up three to 400 shots. Goes to school, goes to practice. After practice, he works out again. I said, he barely plays. I said, the first game of the season, he got in my car. I was at the game, he got in my car. He was upset. I said, what you upset for? I said, y' all won. What you upset for? I didn't play. I said, so fucking what? [00:56:33] Speaker B: Yeah, I won. [00:56:35] Speaker A: I said, so what? I said, did you do enough? Did you play as hard? Did you do enough in practice? I said, cause I don't know no coach that don't play a kid that can help him win. I don't know, not one, right? I said, so you ain't doing something, so you need to figure it out, right? And that was it, man, I'm about [00:56:54] Speaker B: to ask you, the great philosopher. [00:56:55] Speaker A: I said, and what I need you to do. I said, since you not playing, I need you to be the first one up cheering somebody on when they make a three. I said, I need you to be the first one grabbing water to bringing somebody when they come up. I need you to be the first one giving somebody a high five when they come off the floor. I need you to be an ultimate teammate. I said, because don't know about a lot of kids don't know how to do that. [00:57:14] Speaker C: I need your continents to be the same. [00:57:16] Speaker A: Exactly. I said, because what's going to happen is the work going to be the work. We're going to put in the work, and eventually you're going to catch the kids that are ahead of you. But we got to put in the work, and eventually you'll see the results. We ain't got to tell nobody. We ain't got to do nothing. Ain't nobody. We ain't got to post nothing. I said, but at the end of the day, the work is going to. The process is the process. We going to sit and watch practice because the coach records practice. We're going to see. We're going to point out what you're doing wrong, what you didn't do. Why? I could see why he yelled that you here now. I can see why he didn't play you. [00:57:42] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:57:43] Speaker A: And now you got to hold yourself responsible. And from that moment, my son gets in the car and says, I didn't. I had a bad practice today, dad. [00:57:50] Speaker B: You didn't change his whole mindset. [00:57:52] Speaker A: So now when he comes in, he [00:57:54] Speaker D: gets in the game, I want to be the star. [00:57:56] Speaker A: And I told him, I said, your time ain't now. I said, sometimes it's just not your time. [00:58:04] Speaker C: It's not an indicator. [00:58:05] Speaker A: I said, this is the first time you're playing organize basketball at this level. You've never done it. [00:58:10] Speaker D: Yeah, right. [00:58:11] Speaker A: I said, because you just got passionate about basketball. I didn't want to force him in anything because that's when they resented when he started coming to me and saying, hey, dad, I want to work out. Now we could do that. Now we can take basketball serious. Because you had to want to do this. [00:58:25] Speaker B: Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I gotta stop right there. Did you just see that whole full circle moment we just had? From the beginning of the conversation to just. Now I can work with you now because we have to share responsibility. Because now you want to do it. [00:58:39] Speaker C: But you ain't going to short me. [00:58:41] Speaker A: You ain't about to short me. Cause you see the thing. [00:58:44] Speaker C: Good observation. [00:58:45] Speaker A: The thing I wanted to let. The thing I want, my son, my son's in. Especially with basketball. Just with basketball, you have all the resources you need. My son right now, in his phone, in his phone, he can call four, three, four NBA basketball players that are currently playing in the NBA. And hey, how you doing? What's going on? Because I've coached or trained those kids, those dudes, and they know him from just being in the gym, Right. Multiple college players, he could just call him. He could have went to the NBA draft about three times. So he. I know eventually his basketball talent is going to catch up to his brain, but we have to keep working to get there because he has all the resources that these other kids don't have. Yeah, but we have to buy into the process of this, and I have to teach him the process of things. Sometimes there's a pecking order. You don't come in and you're the most talented. Now my youngest boy, that's the one talent out the wazoo. He could cook his brother's ass all day, every day. But he ain't serious about basketball. [00:59:49] Speaker D: Right. [00:59:49] Speaker A: He just likes sports. You don't like sports, you know what I'm saying? So it's a matter of teaching our kids. There's a process and to life. And if you can hold yourself accountable. You will beat the process. Because at the end of the day, if I cannot look in the mirror and find my fault, I will never. [01:00:06] Speaker C: I'm gonna look around for foot, for somebody else, everybody else. [01:00:10] Speaker D: Right. [01:00:10] Speaker B: Just. [01:00:10] Speaker D: Right. Just find your fault within yourself and keep it to yourself. And just. [01:00:14] Speaker A: And you fix that. [01:00:15] Speaker D: And fix that. You don't got to tell everybody you got an issue. [01:00:19] Speaker C: And two, Yusuf, that's beautiful, man. Because even if it doesn't pan out as he sees it for himself, he still has the tools to be around the game of basketball. He didn't fail and not. You know what I'm saying, Do something else. [01:00:34] Speaker D: Right? [01:00:35] Speaker C: That's what I'm thinking about, man. [01:00:36] Speaker B: You just not set him up. [01:00:38] Speaker A: The conversations we have of him coming back from his games is. I'm talking about. Because when we at the house and we breaking down the game. Cause we break down the games, even if he didn't play, hey, what should he have done here? Exactly? He should have passed it. [01:00:51] Speaker C: He gonna be a player coach, bro. [01:00:53] Speaker D: Right. [01:00:54] Speaker A: So now we're building leadership qualities. Yes, but. And he's dealing with. And he's also dealing with kids kind of having stuff to say. Well, your daddy's the coach. So since he's the coach, you know, you hit because of that. Sue me. [01:01:06] Speaker C: Cause my dad's the coach. [01:01:07] Speaker A: You know what I'm saying? My dad is the varsity. Your dad's the varsity coach. So that's why you. He's gotta deal with little things. And we had a cup. We had something happen the other day. Somebody took his. His warmup because theirs was messed up. And the rule in my house is your game day stuff. You don't touch till game day. All these other kids wear it all day. Word, school, whatever. So somebody took it. And I stopped them. And I said, you ain't no punk. I said, the second somebody took your stuff. What? No. But it was a game. We had to go. Was no bus going nowhere until I got my stuff back. I said, I don't care if you get your ass kicked. You stand up for you. [01:01:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:01:43] Speaker A: You ain't no punk. You ain't come from no punk. I ain't raising you to be no punk. [01:01:47] Speaker B: You. [01:01:47] Speaker A: Even if you get your ass whooped, stand up for you and what you believe in. Because what you're. I said, you're at a pivotal moment right now. You're going to be with these kids for the next six, seven years. I said, and what's happening now is there's a test. [01:02:01] Speaker C: They're trying to see the picking order. [01:02:03] Speaker A: They trying to figure out the picking order of who could be picked on, who could be taken advantage of. And I said, you're not going to be that. So stand up for yourself, right? You don't need me. No, I'm not calling coach to get your back. You call coach, you take your stuff there, you give it to him and you tell him, hey, coach, this ain't mine. If it. If I don't ever get mine back, that's cool. But this ain't gonna happen again. [01:02:27] Speaker B: Okay? Okay. I. I like everything you just said, man. And I know we. We press for time. I'm sorry. [01:02:32] Speaker A: I'm sorry. [01:02:32] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. You good. I got to end. We could end on this one, man. To. What you saying, man? A lot of times when we dealing with these kids, it's more about the mindset and changing that. That the way you think. I had a little cousin, man. We used to come all the way from Ladder to go watch him play in Florence. He played Rick. It wasn't. No. Wasn't that good in basketball. Okay, cool. I'm traveling all the way from Ladder to Florence to see you play. So every game I go to, man, he. He doing all the dirty work. He getting the rebounds, he diving on the floor, he doing all this, but he never took a shot in the game. So I watched one game, let him play his move. I'm not expecting you to be no star. Came to another game, he did the same thing. So after the game, that made me mad. I said, listen, I said, when you. When you get in the game, I said, and you doing all that you're doing, I said, give yourself a chance to make a basket. I said, you don't even give yourself a chance. You won't even take a shot. And he not understanding what I'm telling him. So I'm like, yo, I said, in life, the only way somebody can walk over you is for you to lay yourself down and let them walk over you. I said, if you're doing the work, if you're putting in the work, give yourself a chance. So I said, there's no point for me coming to every game if you're not going to even give yourself a chance to score by not putting up a shot. So I asked him at the end of the. I said, so we got in the car, I started going my own way. He's my aunt's son. So I called my aunt. I'm like, do you. You don't think I went too hard on do you? Because he started crying. She said, no. His dad passed away. So as his big cousin, that's my responsibility not to let you get that mentality in your head to just let people walk over you. [01:04:04] Speaker D: Yeah. [01:04:04] Speaker B: And, yeah, we're talking about sports, but it's bigger than sports. [01:04:07] Speaker A: It's life. [01:04:08] Speaker B: It's life. So I. I called. I said, can you put him on the phone? She said, yeah. I said, yo. I said, you want me to come to your next game? I said, you want me to stay away from your games? I want to test and see what he. I want to see what you got. What, Gusto, what you want? He said, nah, come to my next game. I said, all right. I brought our granddaddy to the game, man. My boy done scored four points, man. I about ran on the court, man. I about ran on the court, man. And so I said all that to say this, man. When you get a chance to talk to these kids and you deal with these kids, man, everything that we do with these kids ain't got to come off as preachy. But if you could find a place here and a place there to drop a nugget, to give them a nugget, man. [01:04:47] Speaker D: Yeah, do it. [01:04:48] Speaker B: Do it, man. [01:04:48] Speaker D: Okay. For five, ten minutes. [01:04:50] Speaker B: Where? Anybody got anything else? I ain't want to, you know, anybody. Anything else? [01:04:52] Speaker C: You can go ahead, Rich. [01:04:54] Speaker D: No, I just. I didn't really enjoyed this. Hopefully I can come again. That totally be up to y'. [01:05:01] Speaker C: All. [01:05:04] Speaker D: Just want to tell. [01:05:05] Speaker C: Talk to the people, Rich. [01:05:06] Speaker D: Just want to tell the kids and everybody out there, just. Just stay strong and just believe in God. [01:05:14] Speaker B: Most definitely. [01:05:14] Speaker D: Leaving something higher because people are gonna disappoint. You. Just can't live off of that. [01:05:22] Speaker B: Okay, we appreciate it. Appreciate you for coming, too, man. Definitely. Definitely, man. [01:05:26] Speaker C: What I'll say, man, to your point. Speaking on your point, first, man, you owe you. [01:05:31] Speaker B: Most definitely, man. [01:05:33] Speaker C: Eric Thomas, he wrote a book about that, man. New York bestseller, man. You owe you. So if you see yourself, man, doing all this dirty work, putting in the work, putting in the time and the energy, you owe it to yourself to see what you made of, because those are things that build our confidence, man. Yeah, build our confidence, right? And another point I believe, too, we have to, as men, we have to show more grace. One thing that I realized just for myself, I wasn't. As I got older, it's just like, man, I just didn't become a man. There was things that I had to go through to be considered, in my estimation, a man, you know, age doesn't make you a man, by no means. It's the way that you handle situations. It's how you answer the call. It's how you accept those challenges in life and how you know life is going to always be there. Life isn't. [01:06:41] Speaker B: Isn't easy, not at all. [01:06:43] Speaker C: But that doesn't give you the identity of being inferior to the things that happen in life. And one thing, my last point is, when we talk about mindset, one thing that's very important, man, Even the Bible says, let this mind be in you. That is also in Christ Jesus. [01:07:02] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [01:07:02] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? So we have the tools already. As Reggie kind of spoke on, we have the tools. We have everything that we need, right? We have all the resources that we need to be successful, to be great. And minister Louis Farrakhan always said, you're already great. [01:07:22] Speaker D: You're already great. [01:07:23] Speaker C: You're already great. So we have to do those things to bring out the greatness that's within us. It's not a matter of doing things to be seen for applause. It's a matter of doing things because that is within us. Those things are within us. So those are the things that I'm gonna close out with again. Q, always a pleasure, man. Thank you, Reggie. Appreciate you. [01:07:49] Speaker D: Appreciate you, man. [01:07:50] Speaker C: Man, Yusuf, man, you. I'm glad. I'm glad that you expounded on that because I like to see how men think. I want to hear how men think and how they respond to a different kind of perception. So, man, you doing that, bro. [01:08:13] Speaker D: Hey, man, listen, I'm telling. This is my piece, man. This is where I gotta be. I don't care if it's in this building at home, if it's just me, this is where I am. I'm getting. Getting the teachings, [01:08:27] Speaker B: man. You about like [01:08:30] Speaker C: I'm telling you, dude. [01:08:31] Speaker B: Different, man. [01:08:33] Speaker A: I've lived a good bit. [01:08:34] Speaker C: How old are you, Yusuf? [01:08:36] Speaker A: 48. I just turned 48. I've lived a good bit. I've been homeless. I've been likewise, you know what I'm saying? It's a lot of things, you know? Biggest lesson I ever got. Mom put me out the house. I thought I could go to my grandma house. My grandmother put the chain on the door. She said, what you want? She said, what you want? I said, mommy put me out the house. She said, I know. She told me. She said, what you want? I said, grandma, I need somewhere to stay. Now, this is a woman who never told me no, ever. She said, you in school? I said, no, she said, you got a job? I said, no. She said, well, come back when you got one of the two. Close the door. Bam. So now I blamed everybody, blame my mother for putting me out. I blame my daddy for being a heroin addict and not being there. I blame my grandmother for not opening that door. And I ended up riding the trains, sleeping on the subway, sleeping in parks, catching a shelter when I could. And I ended up at a shelter one night. Old dude called me young blood. Young blood. You don't look like you belong out here. [01:09:38] Speaker C: That's old school. [01:09:40] Speaker A: You look like you belong out here. I said, man. And I tell him the story, whatever he like, so where your grandma live at? I said, she lived, you know, in Flatbush. What block? I said, 31st Street. What's the house number? I said, what the. What you want my grandma house number for? He said, cause if she wants some, all she want is somebody to have a job or go to school. All I need is an address. I'm gonna go there right now and I'm asking for some help. He said, you need to take your ass off your shoulders and go ask her for some help. [01:10:09] Speaker C: But he's telling you it ain't that bad. Yeah, so it's not that bad. [01:10:12] Speaker A: I go, my grandma put the chain on the door again. She, oh, shit, what you want? I said, grandma, I just want help. Just help me get a job. I don't want to stay. I just can't. You help me get a job, right? She said, if you serious, meet me at my job at 7 o' clock in the morning. I was sitting out there at 7 in the morning. And you know you gotta carry when you're homeless. You gotta carry your shit. So I hid my stuff behind the damn. Behind the subway station. And I'm out there and I'm like. And I'm waiting on her, waiting on her. She says, oh, you made it. I said, yeah, she's okay. She walks in, comes back out, gives me a uniform. You got a job? Gives me a key to the house. She said, you start working tomorrow and I need to stay at the house. I said, like, we couldn't do this months ago. Like we could have did this months ago. She said, there's a difference between needs and wants. She said, I needed you to need to be something. She said, you just wanted a place to stay and had I, I needed you to need it, right? And now you need. Now you've been where you don't want [01:11:15] Speaker D: to go back, right? [01:11:18] Speaker A: Funny thing is, she's the head she was the head of payroll for nyu. She only answered to the president of the school, the president of the. Of the university. And my stepmom at the time was the head of the. Was the head of the cafeteria, was the supervisor. My first job, washing dishes for $17 an hour. That's the job my grandma got me. I was able to stay when I went to school. When I decided to go to College, I was 21 years old. My grandma said, don't worry about working. Don't worry about nothing. I'll pay for everything. [01:11:54] Speaker B: Wow. [01:11:55] Speaker A: I just want you to get your degree. You finally got it together. I just want you to get your degree. And to this day, I can't sit still. I have to be on the ground because I don't want to be homeless again. I know what that feels like. And I'm. And I never want to feel it again. I never want to hold another 10 asking people for money. I never want to be going hungry. I never want to ask my brother to let me in the house to take a shower. I don't never want to do that again, man. So I know that a lot of the stuff I say, but it's from my experiences of completely just jacking everything up. Listen, being a 21 year old freshman in college, living on campus after you've been on your own and you didn't see that culture shock. [01:12:37] Speaker D: But I also. [01:12:38] Speaker A: And I'm in the south, coming from New York, but I'm just saying. So that's why I kind of. My perspective on things is sometimes a little bit different because I kind of lived before I was supposed to, right? But it was too fast. But it was my fault, right? And I didn't. Excuse me. I didn't realize it was to my, my fault until I hit rock bottom. So once again, you know, you just. If you say to bring it back full circle, if you say yes to something, you say no to something else. And I was saying yes to doing bs, which would mean no to whatever it was. [01:13:09] Speaker B: Kill the music, man. Kill the music, man. All right, man. That man just man, right? He sent us out here, bro. Yeah, I was about to say he [01:13:16] Speaker C: could just kill it, bro. [01:13:17] Speaker B: Like no sec. He sent us out of here, bro. [01:13:20] Speaker C: Cute music, bro. Hey, you man, man. [01:13:24] Speaker A: I'mma tell you the truth, bro. [01:13:25] Speaker B: I look at some of these motivational and this ain't even no fake stuff, dog. If you.