Mask-ulinity: Part 1

[00:00:11] Speaker A: Yes, sir. What it do, man? Listen, this is the Kimi part. [00:00:16] Speaker B: I'm your host, B, and I'm cue to dawn. [00:00:18] Speaker A: And I got another guy to the left of me, man. Introduce yourself, my brother. You more like family now. [00:00:26] Speaker C: Hey, I was just about to say that, though, B. But y' all know who it is, man. Mr. Hilderfield, man. Tommy. Hey, we back for another one, man. Thank y'. All. Hey, that's all I gotta say, man. We. We. We already cooking up, man. So I don't want to be the one that. You know what I'm saying? [00:00:42] Speaker B: Hey, hold on. I gotta say this real quick before we get started, man. Round of applause. [00:00:46] Speaker C: We got. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Boy, be back in the building, man. Oh, for sure. [00:00:48] Speaker C: Be back in the building. [00:00:50] Speaker B: Round of applause, bro. [00:00:51] Speaker A: I'm back, man. [00:00:52] Speaker B: Listen, I'm telling you. [00:00:54] Speaker A: And before I really get. [00:00:55] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:00:55] Speaker A: Before I really get into that, you know, saying, I want y' all to do, man, like, subscribe, share the episode, man. We've been putting out some great content. And also visit the Instagram page, man. I got some links out there to some of the episodes that we've been putting out. And we got one link, too, as well. I might put it in. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I wanna. I want y' all to go to this link, and I want y' all to share how y' all feel about the podcast and everything, giving your opinions, and also some of the things you want us to talk about, you know what I'm saying? You know, we here for y' all guys, too, as well. And I got almost like a men group. I got a men group that I call Forager Kings. God kind of put this in within me, man. He been. Gave it to me some years ago, just a few months ago. He was like, brandon, you need to go ahead and start it. So we got some major things coming for you guys, man. We here for our community, and this is what we here for. But like Q was saying, man, you know, I'm back. [00:02:05] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:02:06] Speaker A: Me and the wife, we went out of town. [00:02:08] Speaker C: How was it, man? [00:02:09] Speaker A: First cruise? [00:02:10] Speaker C: How was it? [00:02:10] Speaker A: Oh, man, it was lovely. You know, anytime you. Anytime we get, I get a chance to put honey on the moon, man, and. And for us to connect, man, it always be special. But on my vacation, man, we had so many plans, but we ain't did all of it. You know what I'm saying? I just realized how tired we was. Cause we ate, then we went on the beach and we slept on the beach, and we came back to the cruise ship and ate again and slept and. You know what I'm saying? I'm like that. Missing so much. But just being in that mode of R and R, Refresh my mind. Sometimes you just don't realize how tired you really be by the time you get on vacation. Sometimes you gotta take a vacation from vacation because when you get back, you be even more tired because you gotta go back and clock in. Yeah, man, I feel like you need a whole mental break. [00:03:05] Speaker B: Did you get time in between, like, from when you went to work? Have you gone back to work yet? [00:03:09] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, I haven't went back to work. [00:03:11] Speaker B: You took any days between, like, when you actually got back and when you went to work? [00:03:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I did. I took a day back. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Well. [00:03:15] Speaker A: Cause I made a. I didn't want to come back. [00:03:17] Speaker B: I made a mistake, bro, of going on a cruise, man. The very day I got back, I rested that day. Next day, I was back at work. Miserable, man. Miserable. [00:03:26] Speaker A: I couldn't do it, man. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Yeah, that was miserable. [00:03:28] Speaker A: I couldn't do it. [00:03:28] Speaker C: Yeah, that's low. [00:03:29] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:03:30] Speaker C: Yeah, that's low. [00:03:31] Speaker A: Well, listen, y'. [00:03:32] Speaker C: All. [00:03:32] Speaker A: Hey, listen, man, I think we. I put in the group chat, man, something that I was thinking about over the week, and a lot of us kind of identify with it, and it's masculinity. You know what I'm saying? Us men, we talk about it a whole lot. We see a whole culture of guys that portray masculinity, and some of it may be toxic. Masculinity, man. I call it masculinity. But before we really dig into the topics, what y' all definition of masculinity, I want to hear your definition, man. I'm gonna go and I'm gonna look at what Google said, what masculinity is, and we can go from there. [00:04:18] Speaker C: Mask, as you the M A S K now you put it in the group. I'll just mask. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:23] Speaker C: For me, masculinity is just who you are as. As. As an individual. Like I said last episode, we are not a monolith. It's not one way to be a man. And one of the biggest things in regards to masculinity that I believe that we are absent of is being in touch with our feminine. Feminine nature as well. [00:04:52] Speaker A: That's good. [00:04:54] Speaker C: And it's so easy, like how we were talking to be so enthralled and consumed by what social media says, what society says masculinity is. And this one thing that Minister Louis farrakhan said. He said, like, masculinity is not being macho and being so hard and aggressive. It's also understanding the dynamic of the feminine nature that you have within yourself and allowing that to rest within you and knowing in which situations to bring out that part of you. So masculinity to me is just man number one. Sticking to being a man of your word, being a man of your word, having integrity and dignity about who you are, being self confident and having a strong sense of self and not being easily swayed and standing on what you believe in and having a standard for yourself and not allowing someone else to, you know, take you one way or the other way. Because people are up and down and masculinity is in part in staying square. Staying square in who you are as, as an individual. [00:06:06] Speaker A: So, God, you sum that up right there. [00:06:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm gonna be honest with you. Hey, I mean, because a lot of the stuff he said I actually agree with. So. Yeah, man, like, I agree, I agree with his definition. I really ain't got no specifics in it, but I agree with what he said. [00:06:23] Speaker A: Hey, one of the things that you said that I really wanna, I wanna kind of highlight is the fact that on being in touch with our feminine side, because, you know, if you go on social media, you'll see if, if a man express how he feel about certain things. Normally, if a man expresses, like, what he don't like about a woman, normally women will respond. Most women respond, man, you just sassy, you know what I'm saying? And, and so it's crazy that a woman would use that term, being sassy as it indicates that all how women is, you know what I'm saying? Like, which, which is crazy to me. And so, you know, a lot of times we'll never think about it, that we got a masculine side and we got a feminine side. [00:07:12] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:07:13] Speaker A: And I think we all operate that and some of it come out in different moments, you know what I'm saying? When we expressing ourselves, I mean, women, they do a masculine side too. Now, it's more now nowadays because women doing the exact same thing men do. Like, for instance, when you think about a man being the protector, you got women who's on the law enforcement in the army carrying a gun. They know how, they know how to break a gun down. Like the best of them. Like, they know how to break a gun down than most men, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, when you think about it, man, and I think we have evolved into this Species as human group, that we can kind of identify with both sides. At one point in time, back in the day, it was more. So let's take it back. 40s and 60s, I think those type men had to. Only even before that, like in the slavery days, they couldn't be like, no, you know what I'm saying? Get interpreted inside. You couldn't have feelings like, you know, so you might get these lashes if you ain't picking this cotton. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I think the state where we at now, I believe we didn't evolve into this. [00:08:33] Speaker B: Yeah, for me, when it come to the feeling thing that you were talking about earlier, I think we got to. As men, we kind of got to learn how to process our emotions, learn how to process our feelings. Because I think a lot of times, the way we grow up is the only thing that the only emotion that's really ever truly accepted amongst young black males is anger. If you get mad and want to beat somebody up. All right, cool. Yeah, you ready to do something? Like, you will shake something. But if you actually say, yo, I really didn't like what he did, like, bro, that really hurt me. Oh, man, stop all that soft junk. And even if you think about, like, dealing with a woman, bro, imagine going to tell your older cousin, your dad, your uncles, man, I think I love this girl, man. [00:09:20] Speaker C: You don't. [00:09:20] Speaker B: Excuse my language, man. You don't love these hoes, man. You don't. So they telling you, like, you don't. You can't even love, like, bro. And that's. That's. That's a commandment from the Bible to love people. So, like, just being able to understand as a male, like, it's okay to have other emotions besides anger and learning how to process that. Because when I look at beef, when I look at stuff, situations with males, a lot of it is ego stuff. A lot of it is we can't communicate. We don't know how to process our feelings. So me and you mad with each other, but because we can't talk about it, because we can't say, yo, what you did hurt me. What you said hurt me, bro. I didn't like that. The only thing we could show is anger. So now one of us got to die, like. But do it really be worth it? [00:10:03] Speaker A: I got a question with that. Because growing up in my household, growing up in my household, man, my father, he went to war, went across the seas and stuff like that. So when he came back, I mean, the way he kind of taught us. I mean, I ain't know how to open up, but about some of the things, how I've been feeling and stuff like that. Like, I ain't even know how I remember one day, man, I think something happened and I started crying, yo, like. And my dad was like, boy, stop all that damn crying. I mean, even my mama then told me that, you know what I'm saying? But what I think now, looking back at it, and like, you asked me, can I cry today, man? You know how hard it is for me to cry today? You know what I'm saying? Like, certain. Like. And. And the problem is crying release a lot of tension, a lot of pressure that you've been kind of dealing with, you know what I'm saying? It kind of really reset yourself, reset your. Your body and everything. But, bro, like, I have the hardest time to cry, even when I'm feeling some type of way and stuff. Been overwhelmed, you know what I'm saying? So it's like, you know, to. For. For individual. [00:11:14] Speaker C: For. [00:11:14] Speaker A: For an individual to have a comment with. I guess to communicate with another male about how he feel or what took place, whatever, that would be extremely hard. Cause he ain't had no example what that looked like. And even if he. Them feelings kind of rise up, like, you know what I'm saying? It'll shake it off, like, what going on, you know what I'm saying? You start feeling a little funny, like, how major pain you. Hey, he felt kind of all fuzzy inside. He ended up choking the little boy out for a little bit. [00:11:53] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that. [00:11:54] Speaker C: But. [00:11:55] Speaker A: But truthfully, though, like, you got people that feel that way, you know what I'm saying? Like, so what? One of the ways where a person can. What's. Some of the things y' all did personally, man? Cause I. I mean, I'm still learning me personally, bro. [00:12:09] Speaker B: I'm gonna be real. I did what my daddy told me to do. My. My daddy always told me, be your own man, son. I understood, like, bro, and I've always been a person that understood communication was a big thing. And if you did something to me, bro, I understood that we didn't have to. It don't have to be to the death. So I can communicate with you, bro. It's just to me is creating a space. And sometimes I. I'm. I'm so willing to. To. To come to a conclusion, bro. If it requires me to back down a little bit and you feel like you macho. If that's what it take for us to get to a resolution, bro. I'm cool with that because I know at the end of the day, I ain't no pushover. But if you got to feel macho in this moment, for us to come to a resolution where I don't have to get crazy, I'm willing to bow down so you could feel a little bit better about yourself. But to me, I don't let my ego get in the way. If your ego in the way. And also unlearning things that you have always learned, like, because we've all been told as a little boy, you scrape your knee to the white meat, now, you know that's going to hurt anybody. This is a kid. Boy, you better shut up. Boy, you better not be crying. You got to be willing to unlearn what you've learned, bro. And you got to do the work. Like, when you. Like, my thing is input and output. What do you put in yourself? Like, what are you watching? What are you consuming? If. If. If you got. If you want to get to that point, the Bible says. I think it says, he who acts for knowledge, I will give it liberally. Are you going to search for this stuff, or are you content with being where you are? [00:13:35] Speaker D: Learn. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Learn. It's a book that you told us about in a group chat before, bro. Emotional intelligence. Or emotional intelligence, like, are you doing that kind of stuff to understand? Like, okay, I'm not at a good place. I know there's only one emotion that I feel, which is this right here. Do the work, bro. So that's it for me. I ain't want to take too much. [00:13:54] Speaker A: Yeah, go ahead. [00:13:55] Speaker C: See, man. Hey, that's beautiful. Just for me. And I just had this thought just for me, myself. Being able to show that part of myself, I had to be honest with myself. I think honesty is the best policy. Honesty is the best policy. Yeah. And a lot of times we want to shake things off, act like things didn't happen or trying to bury our feelings, you know what I'm saying? By putting things on top of it so we just don't have to deal with them. But a big part is just knowing who you are at your core. At your core. And not what B says. I am not what Q says. I am not what anybody in the world says. I am knowing who you are and being that and stepping in that confidently and. And that's not something that's gonna happen overnight. [00:14:53] Speaker B: I know. [00:14:54] Speaker C: Just for me, just as I was speaking about the situation with my brother, I was still in that place of being jerrod's. Little brother. And it took for me to step away from that version of myself and to say, who are you at your core? Like, it's okay to have certain qualities or enjoy the same things, but the biggest part is knowing who you are and not being afraid to show that version of yourself. Cause you're a one of one. You're a one of one. You'RE a one of one. Everybody is a one of one. So if we are so hell bent on being who somebody thinks we're supposed to be, we're never going to be able to get over that hump of knowing who we are. And in that, we go off the path. We go off the path of knowing, you know, how to really deal with ourselves. We don't know how to deal with ourselves. So how can I tell you how to deal with me? How can I tell you how to deal with me if I don't know, hey, man, like, this is something that I stand on or this is what I believe and I don't, and you know it. I shouldn't have to hide myself from anybody, but just to be accepted. So I think that's the biggest thing is knowing who you are and walking in that. And by doing so, you'll invite those people into your life that'll see you and to understand you and know who you are and won't put you in position to be so macho or having to bow down even. Or having to bow down even. Because why should I make myself smaller for you to be. Feel bigger. You're right. [00:16:40] Speaker B: You're right. [00:16:41] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? So. And I'm not saying that every situation is going to be like that. But for the most part with our interactions, we tolerate what we allow. So if I know this is going to hurt Q, I ain't going to sit here and say, oh, but I apologize for it later, man, I'mma do this anyway. Oh, I know B wouldn't like this, but I'mma do it anyway and we'll figure it out. [00:17:07] Speaker B: Nah, [00:17:09] Speaker C: I'm already gonna have that consideration and knowing that, hey, this is not what they stand for. So even if I decide to do it, I'm not gonna involve these two. So boom. [00:17:19] Speaker A: Yeah, I ain't gonna lie. It's definitely a constant work. Cause I find myself sometimes I feel like I done made progress. Some days I feel like I didn't regress a little bit. So you know what I'm saying? Giving yourself grace, even through navigating this thing called life, man. Because Nobody really have a manuscript or you know what I'm saying? This script where you should follow, you know what I'm saying? And it just real hard. While you was talking, I was thinking about this situation and we still talking about masculinity, you know what I'm saying? I was thinking about this time I went to this church, I was inviting to this church. And I remember after church, man, this pastor named Bishop. What's his name? Bishop Elijah. He said after church, he grabbed me. Brother Brandon, hey, it's good to see you again, man. He said, hey, I love you. And that the first time I ever heard a man tell me that he loved me. [00:18:22] Speaker B: How did you feel about that? [00:18:24] Speaker C: Talk about that? What feeling did you feel like? [00:18:28] Speaker A: It made me feel funny, like in a way where I ain't gay and I don't look, you know what I'm saying That man tell me that. You know what I'm saying? He must be gay or something. You know what I mean? And it's crazy that I thought of that. The very first thing. [00:18:44] Speaker B: That's crazy that the stigma is on, like, bro. That's what, as you say that. [00:18:48] Speaker C: You talking about? [00:18:49] Speaker B: Yeah, bro. As you say that, bro. It's crazy to me because what. What in our mind tells us that somebody saying I love you, bro, is gay? Like, there's nothing gay about the bro. It's crazy that we think like that, though. [00:19:03] Speaker A: Not that I don't even know how to express it. Not that we saying that something wrong with being gay. [00:19:08] Speaker B: Okay, hold on. Wait a minute. Let me get one of these things that I always just. [00:19:11] Speaker C: Disclaimer, man. [00:19:12] Speaker B: Let me give y' all a disclaimer. However you live your life, you're still loved. And we're not against you. We're not talking about you. We'll continue on. [00:19:20] Speaker A: Now, if you in the body of the Christ now, hey, if you feel some type of way, then, you know, [00:19:27] Speaker B: don't get us canceled. Don't get us canceled. [00:19:33] Speaker C: Let me put another disclaimer out there. Hey, but I think a big man. It's beautiful that you said that, man. Cause you gotta think about too. Growing up, how often did you hear a man say, man, hey, I love you, like, besides your. Well, I mean, even your dad. [00:19:51] Speaker A: Even your dad, like, we knew that [00:19:54] Speaker C: they love us, but that's that little boy inside of ourselves still like to hear that. To hear that man and understand. And I make it my honest, honest effort every time that I speak to a brother that I have a relationship with that I care about. Hey, before we get off that phone, I love you. And whether you say it back or not, that's not up to me. Cause a lot of times, man, I've known, man, plenty of people who I haven't gotten a chance to say it to, and I can't even say it again. You know what I mean? So for that sole purpose, it's like, man, I'm going to say it. And I said to my granddad, any man, that before I get off that phone with. And I know I love you. Hey, I love you, bro. I love you. [00:20:48] Speaker A: I didn't tell my brother that. My mother, brother. [00:20:50] Speaker C: What's the response? [00:20:51] Speaker A: He said, love. [00:20:53] Speaker B: Yeah, but I'm gonna be real, bro. They say love to me, bro. That's a form of still not being true. Because you're operating too masculine, bro. Don't tell me love. Don't. I love you, bro. I love you too, bro. Like. And we both know we not on no type of weird timing, bro. [00:21:13] Speaker D: Like, but I don't know if that's [00:21:15] Speaker B: what it is, what you think it is. [00:21:16] Speaker A: What do you think it is? [00:21:18] Speaker D: I just think different people embrace things differently. [00:21:24] Speaker C: Upbringing. [00:21:24] Speaker D: And it comes from your upbringing. [00:21:26] Speaker C: Yo, [00:21:28] Speaker D: I never heard my dad, never heard my grandmother, never heard my mom say, I love you. Never ever. Not a day in my life. [00:21:38] Speaker A: Never heard it. [00:21:38] Speaker D: Yo, not one day in my life, I heard it. And I think at one time I asked my grandmother, I was like, why don't you? Like I hear other people's parents tell them. And I would go, why don't you say it? She was like, do you eat every day? [00:21:56] Speaker B: I said, yeah. [00:21:58] Speaker D: She said, do you have a roof over your head? [00:22:00] Speaker B: I said, yeah. [00:22:01] Speaker D: She said, you got lights, you got clothes? I said, yeah, so you know I love you. Do you think I don't love you? She said, no. I said, no. She said, so why do I need to reinforce a fact? [00:22:10] Speaker A: Why you looking at that fence line from Denzel Washington? [00:22:13] Speaker D: Why you looking to me? Why you looking to me for that? [00:22:16] Speaker C: Hey, but I got a question, though. [00:22:17] Speaker D: She was like, the world is cold as hell. If I'm sitting there telling you I love you every day, what you gonna get from there? [00:22:21] Speaker C: Is that. Is that love or provision? That sounds like more provision. [00:22:26] Speaker D: And I told her, not in those words, because you talking about a 15, 14 year old me. [00:22:33] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:22:36] Speaker D: I said, but Grandma, you gotta do that. She said, there's parents out here that don't do that. [00:22:40] Speaker B: That's a fact. [00:22:41] Speaker D: She was like, so this is nothing I have to do? She's like, I do it because I love you. She was like, if you ask me for something, do you get it? I said, yeah. She said, what's the only caveat? As long as I'm getting good grades and doing what I'm supposed to do? She's like, yeah, that's it. [00:23:00] Speaker C: Yeah, I feel that, though. [00:23:01] Speaker B: I feel that that's different. [00:23:03] Speaker D: She's like, that's it now. And she raised my dad like that. So that's why he's like that. [00:23:07] Speaker A: Right. [00:23:08] Speaker B: That's my. [00:23:09] Speaker D: My mother does not know how to say it because of her upbringing. My mom's been on my podcast, so this is not nothing. Nobody knows. [00:23:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:23:21] Speaker D: She was born because my grandfather, supposedly, according to the story, date raped my grandmother. My grandmother didn't want her, so took her and dropped her off to my grandfather's family's house. My grandfather was not ready to raise my. My mom, so sent her to live with his sister, who was older. And she was raised by my aunt in Trinidad. My mom was born in Trinidad, so she was raised by her in Trinidad. Came over here by herself looking for her mother. Her mother still didn't want nothing to do with her mother. Her mother passed before they could even connect. They connected a little bit because my mom works in the medical space and so nobody else in the family because she had three other daughters who had all of her love. So you're talking about somebody who didn't really know how to love because she's always been an outcast by her own mom, and now she got two boys who she's helping to. Who is a part of this village. My grandmother don't do it. My daddy don't do it because my grandmother didn't teach him how to do it. My mother don't know how to do it. So what was there left up for me and my brother to get and my sister? [00:24:34] Speaker B: So the question for me with that is, did they. Did she identify that that was an issue? Did she know that that was a problem? [00:24:42] Speaker D: No. To this day, my mom doesn't know. [00:24:44] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:24:44] Speaker D: I've analyzed her. I've analyzed her. And just as I got older and you experienced things and stuff like that. Because I had a lot of animosity towards her because of certain things that she allowed to happen. But I had to then talk to people. Like, I had a conversation with my grandmother and had conversations with my grandfather and. And just these different things to kind of help analyze, well, why is my mom this way where she'll. My mom, same thing go to the ends of the earth for me. But at the end, my brother, My brother been in and out of jail all these times. My brother tried to kill my mother two years ago. My mother's still the first person. [00:25:27] Speaker B: Story heavy. [00:25:28] Speaker D: My mother, she still goes to the jail to see him every week. She take a three hour train ride down to South Jersey to make sure she shows up for him. She ever told him he loved him? No. But she shows up every week, puts money on his books every week. [00:25:43] Speaker B: That's love. [00:25:45] Speaker A: Some kids need that though. I just think about in my family, you know what I'm saying? You know, I think about how everything kind of transpired in my family with my. Because that, that would happen to my, my grandma, which I would, I had time to spend with her over, you know, past week and you know, that's what happened to her. Her mama was. Her mama was. Somebody took advantage of her mama. She, her mama was 14 years old, 13 years old, and she had my grandma at 4, 14 years old. And her, my grandma, great grandma. Well, my grandma, grandma raised her. And you know, my, my grandma, which is my great grandma, her mama, basically, they. It was exactly the same relationship, you know what I'm saying? Like, she almost, her mama almost act like she hated her in a sense, you know what I'm saying? Then she left and went to have like seven, eight more kids. My great grandma, you know, and they got like, they family. They got some type of weird thing going on in the family right now. Man, it just be crazy how certain stuff kind of how people come into the world and then they come to the world and they come into this whole big mess, like, hey, I asked to be here. You know what I'm saying? [00:27:05] Speaker B: And what I hate about those situations, because this is where we have it different now. Therapy wasn't really a thing back then. Like that wasn't something like seeking counseling. That wasn't something that was really like on the forefront. Mental health wasn't a real thing. [00:27:21] Speaker A: They went to church, they went to [00:27:22] Speaker B: church and everything was just shut up, pray about it and you'll get over it. So now with us, I feel like while we got it a little bit better because we have the resources to kind of help us get through some of this stuff. You think about those stories that y' all told and to have to bear that burden and just deal with it, like, bro, that's a lot, that's heavy. And like that stuff like they be saying curses are passed down. I don't really so much believe in curses. Trauma is passed down. Because when that trauma of you not getting it, they're not getting just keeps being passed down. And at some point, who's going to be the person that says, yo, this trauma got to stop. Like, it got to stop. [00:28:11] Speaker D: Here's my question. Is it trauma? If you. Then trauma has caused the behavior, but is it. Can you find the small lessons in it to kind of figure out the balance? Like, I don't tell my kids every day I love them, but I do tell them that I do. It's not every day, but I do tell them that I do. [00:28:35] Speaker B: To me, I think that's good. [00:28:36] Speaker D: Like, because that's about. Because to me, the lesson I learned in it, to me, is that some people get the over love, so to speak. [00:28:46] Speaker B: Right. [00:28:47] Speaker D: Whereas so now if they get into a romantic relationship with somebody and that somebody is not giving them, because now they grow up with words of affirmation as their love language. [00:28:57] Speaker C: Mm. [00:28:57] Speaker D: So if they're with somebody who does not give those words of affirmation, but shows in acts of kindness, and the two don't line up because this person is consistently waiting for what they got from their parents, which is those words of affirmation, you did good. I love you. I love you. I love you. So what happens is they start craving for the I love yous. So I think if you create a balance in which we do say it, but the acts behind it prove it rather than all of the saying it. [00:29:23] Speaker B: Right. [00:29:24] Speaker D: And still acting on it. But I think there's an over. Like you can go over the edge. [00:29:29] Speaker B: Yeah. And I agree with you. [00:29:30] Speaker D: Really do it. [00:29:31] Speaker B: I agree with you. Because it becomes a thing. Like, if you said every day, it's going to become mundane and you're going to be like, now to never say it is. That's one thing. [00:29:42] Speaker D: It's diabolical. I do. [00:29:43] Speaker B: Yeah, it's diabolical. But if two out of the five times. Well, three out of the five times you leave the house or I just walked past you throughout the week, you know I love you. Right. That's cool. But every. Like, especially nowadays, these people don't receive love like they receive love in a different. I don't know. I don't really. [00:30:04] Speaker A: It all depends on what the situation is. [00:30:06] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:30:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Because even though we not talking about this example that I'm about to give, but some people would, like, for instance, I tell my wife I love her every day before I leave the house because I be thinking something might happen in the middle of the day. You know what I'M saying. [00:30:24] Speaker D: And, But I think that's different. [00:30:26] Speaker A: Yeah, that is a little different. [00:30:27] Speaker D: I think when you're talking about wife relationship, I think this, you know, somebody live with, I think that's a little bit different than our kids. [00:30:33] Speaker A: All your kids. I mean, like, even with kids, the [00:30:35] Speaker D: difference to me and the kids is I think that you do got to give. I think you do have to instill in your kids just a little bit of like, don't look for it. Like, if I don't tell you it today, don't think that it's not. [00:30:48] Speaker A: Do people look for that, though? [00:30:50] Speaker D: I think there are kids, some of these kids grow up with that, with that, looking for it. Because if I'm looking for it from you, and we talked and I talked about before about romanticizing our parents, you know what I'm saying? And so if you're constantly telling me, telling me, telling me, and you're the father of a daughter, what is she gonna look for from a man? Not his actions, but his words. [00:31:12] Speaker A: Well, most girls don't even look for nothing. Cause they dad, daddy do everything. And they get the opposite. Yo, they get a whole thug, you [00:31:20] Speaker D: know what I'm saying? [00:31:20] Speaker A: Opposite, cuz kind of way I kind of look at it is in my, you know, the way I look at it is it seemed like it. Most of the people who look for that word affirmation is the people who ain't never received it. [00:31:34] Speaker D: Yeah, I don't know that because I never, I didn't receive it and I never looked for it, never received it, Never, never see. [00:31:42] Speaker B: But you're never. You're an anomaly. [00:31:44] Speaker C: Huh? [00:31:44] Speaker B: You're an anomaly. [00:31:45] Speaker C: Like I said, that's an anomaly. [00:31:46] Speaker B: Yeah. For, for most people, you might not [00:31:48] Speaker A: receive it, you look for it no way. In words. But you look for in different ways, though. [00:31:54] Speaker D: No, I like to. Because to me, I, I, I do a look, I do a lot of inward stuff. So to me, it's like, am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing for this person, for the person that I'm with, for my kids? Am I doing my job? Am I doing what I'm supposed to do to show my love? In that sense, whatever they give back, they give back now. If it's not enough for me, then I get out. [00:32:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:18] Speaker D: And it's not so much, it's not so much of seeing the love from them, but just treating me the way I'm treating you. More so than anything, the reciprocation and the respect for me. [00:32:27] Speaker A: Right, right. [00:32:28] Speaker D: Because it's almost the question, what would you rather respect to love? Because you could love somebody without respecting them. [00:32:35] Speaker B: Yeah, I want. [00:32:36] Speaker C: I want to break it back. Do I want to bring it back? I want to bring it back to masculinity real quick. And you said it, Yusuf is very important for you to do inward work. [00:32:46] Speaker A: Yeah, he did. [00:32:46] Speaker C: Or doing shadow work. And I think that's a big part in just acknowledging your masculinity. Because we all have a dark side. We all have sides of ourselves that we don't want to show to the world. So it's important to do that work and to understand our triggers and understand where those triggers come from. And even with myself personally just dealing in relationships, I've had to work constantly. And like you said, it's like sometimes you feel like you progressing and sometimes you feel like you regressing, because that's stuck in your mind of the experience that you had with a person. So in a way, it can kind of hinder us from being our fullest selves, because, man, this. What happened last time when I did this. But we have to realize that just as we had those experiences, we were also able to create new experiences with someone different. So it's important to do that inward work, that shadow work. And another thing that I believe is very, very important, the notion that nobody cares, nobody wants to hear what a man has to say. Are there no spaces for men to be vulnerable and transparent about the things that they're going through, and we can't look for someone else to create those spaces for us? That's what I'm getting at. We have to be able to create those spaces ourselves. Like this right here. This is a space where we can come and be transparent and vulnerable and not have to worry about feeling judged. Or somebody said, oh, man, you whack for that, man. You know what I'm saying? So I just think that as men, we have to seek those places. Just think about, like, going to a barbershop. That's another place where men can, you know, have conversations. But the dominant of our conversations in those spaces are sports, women, [00:35:12] Speaker B: business. Sometimes. [00:35:14] Speaker C: Sometimes. But those two things may. [00:35:16] Speaker B: Yeah, women are sports and. [00:35:17] Speaker C: Or gambling. Cause we'll put some money on the pool table in a minute, right? So we have to create those spaces to where like, man, my barber, man, shout out to Ra, man, we'll sit down, man. We'll get a haircut, man. We'll break bread, man, on things that we're dealing with. Hey, man, what you think about this thing that I'm going through. And the fact that we're able to come together that way, it strengthens our bond beyond me just coming in, sitting in your chair, and getting a haircut. So we have to create those spaces, man. And one thing that I told my brother is we have to be okay with being vulnerable. We just think that's the weakness, to be vulnerable with parts of ourselves, man. Like, being vulnerable is one of the strongest things you can do and be. [00:36:12] Speaker A: Yeah. Vulnerability. I would say this, though, to add on to what you're saying. Can't be vulnerable to anybody, though. You gotta have your person. [00:36:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:36:20] Speaker A: That you feel comfortable with my exposure. [00:36:23] Speaker C: This is. That's a fact, though. And this is what I say. This is what I say to that, B. I shouldn't be divulging my whole self to you the first time we meet. [00:36:36] Speaker A: Right. That's true. [00:36:37] Speaker C: I shouldn't be just giving you everything about my life in one fell swoop. [00:36:43] Speaker B: Yo, hold on. [00:36:43] Speaker A: I'm taking comfortable environment like, this is right here and still. And. And it make you feel open. It could be the Holy Spirit within that moment that it. That created that moment for a person to feel comfortable to say it. And then God gave you a word to tell that individual. [00:37:00] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Certain sense. [00:37:01] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah. [00:37:03] Speaker A: I didn't have it happen before. [00:37:04] Speaker C: That's. It's contextual. It's contextual. Like if we talking about something and the Holy Spirit tell you, hey, man, like, share this, but you shouldn't be, man, firing off at the cook, man, as soon as you sit down. [00:37:18] Speaker B: Hey, yo, I'm laughing because by no means am I prejudiced or anything, but. Yo, y' all ever notice, yo, white people, they tell it. They tell they entire. [00:37:29] Speaker C: You ain't even asked. [00:37:30] Speaker B: Yo, you could be at the store. Hey, how you doing today? Well, I was doing good, but Tommy broke in my house. Tommy's on crack. [00:37:35] Speaker A: Like, yo wife cheating. Good work. [00:37:38] Speaker B: They would literally break down. Like, all you were doing is being cordial and you know, how you doing today? And they will break down their whole life story, bro. [00:37:45] Speaker C: That's exactly right. [00:37:46] Speaker B: Yeah. That's different. [00:37:47] Speaker C: And that's things that nobody ain't even asked for that, man. Cause a lot of times. And I tell people, I tell men. I tell men all the time, and I tell women just the same. You're not a trauma dump. You're not a dumpster for somebody. That's a trauma, dog. So a lot of times we are so unaware that people are dumping themselves on us by the time that they're finished, man. We be so heavy, and we don't [00:38:13] Speaker B: even understand why I'm telling you. [00:38:15] Speaker C: And they be. They. Oh, man, I feel so much better, man. Appreciate you, man. I thank you, man. They going on by the day, man. You be like, dang. But now you going home. You going home to your wife. Now you got a whole attitude, man. You can't give yourself. You can't be giving of yourself in his fullness, because somebody done took the energy vampire dawg, and came through, sucked all the energy out of you, and, man, now you gave them life, man. They free as a bird. And here you are dragging your feet. Word. [00:38:44] Speaker A: Hey, let me ask a question, man. Cause you brought up white people. White people is very. They can get vulnerable real fast, though. [00:38:51] Speaker B: Yeah, they can. [00:38:52] Speaker A: I'm saying, how they could be able to be so vulnerable? And you know, black people mostly, like, I don't know. [00:38:59] Speaker B: Because I think with us, with the fear of you putting my vulnerability out. [00:39:07] Speaker A: Yeah. And take advantage of me. [00:39:09] Speaker B: Yeah. If I know. If I know something about you, I can always hold that over your head. And for some strange reason, bro, a lot of people use that as some type of power over you or try to use that as some type of power over you. Well, you weren't saying that when. So it's those things like that make us kind of like, you know, I gotta watch what I say and who I say it to, because the same thing that I'm telling this person today in confidence, if they get mad enough with me, this would be everybody's story. This would be all on Facebook. [00:39:40] Speaker A: Feel that way about family. [00:39:41] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:39:41] Speaker A: I'm gonna tell you right now. I think that's the reason why we don't get vulnerable, because people in our family. [00:39:49] Speaker B: Yeah, that's real, though. [00:39:50] Speaker A: They would take your business like your momma, bro. [00:39:53] Speaker B: Your mama is the worst one. Cause I'm gonna tell you, bro, if something go on. Let's say something go on, bro. Soon as your mama get around the family, first thing they say, did I tell y' all that Kwanye. Oh, I ain't tell y'. All. He was sending the girl his. [00:40:08] Speaker C: Like, they get on the phone right [00:40:09] Speaker B: in front of your face, like, where are you done? Like, so, like, it's the small things that we don't be thinking about that ruins people. Like, bro, if your mama. You and your mama had a confident talk or whatever goes on, she found out some information, and the first thing she do is get on the phone, that makes you automatically shut down. Like, yo, I'm not. [00:40:28] Speaker C: I Ain't telling you nothing else. [00:40:28] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm not doing that. [00:40:29] Speaker C: I ain't telling you nothing else. [00:40:31] Speaker A: I'm laughing about this because Lord, man, I love my mama, man. But she, you know, mama, if you see this, you know I ain't lying, man. I tell her something, I know she getting on the phone with one of my siblings and repeat what I said. And for some odd reason I'm like, man, I didn't got to the point where I can't tell mama certain stuff. She gonna tell it. [00:40:52] Speaker B: And then you got some people with diarrhea of the mouth, like, they talk so much they don't even know they telling. Yeah, they don't even be intending to tell your business. The junk just be done slipped out like. Cuz I know my brother, one day, he, he, he. And, and I know he might watch this, but he talking one day, bro. And he just steady going. And I'm looking at him like, and I'm wanting him to shut up. And I'm thinking he going to catch the eye. He just, bro, you remember that time I'm just sitting there looking at him like that. And he not getting it, bro. [00:41:18] Speaker A: He. [00:41:19] Speaker B: So some people really do have diarrhea of the mouth, bro. And they like, that's why you got to be. As much as we talking about being vulnerable and all of that. Like you said, bro, you got to be very careful about who you tell your stuff to. Like, it's hard. It's hard to know. But that's why discernment is such a real thing. And you need to pray that your discernment be increased. Because when your discernment is right, bro, it's just the Holy Spirit to let you know on some real junk, you'll be around somebody, yo, and it'll let you know. Don't say that. Close your mouth. Don't say that, bro. That's why your discernment, you got to pray for that discernment, man. Because discernment stop you from being in a lot of predicaments. If you listen to it, to have it and not listen, then you might as well not even have it. But if, like, if, if I'm around somebody, bro, I promise you the one thing about it, if I ever say too much around you, that's because I know that you're going to take it where I need you to take it. If I'm quiet, I ain't just quiet because I don't like you. I'm quiet because something in my spirit telling me, don't speak around this person. So I really listened to that, bro. [00:42:19] Speaker C: And I mean, even as a man, like, if you talking a lot as a man, it's just. [00:42:25] Speaker A: That's his feminine side. [00:42:26] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. In regards to gossiping, you know what I'm saying? Like, man, I ain't about B. I ain't about to sit on the phone with you, Q. I ain't about to sit on the phone with you just talking about somebody else, dawg. [00:42:40] Speaker B: Yeah, that's weird. [00:42:41] Speaker C: Like, for real. Like, I mean, we can touch on it. And I wouldn't even say it's gossip, but it's just, man, our perspective of the situation. Like, I ain't gonna sit here if we talk on it. That's cool. But, man, for me to be on the phone with you an hour, 30 minutes, two hours, talking about the same thing, man, there's so much other things we could be talking about, man. That's something that women do. And men are guilty of gossiping too. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Now, it ain't good for women to gossip either, man. [00:43:13] Speaker C: It's not. But some things are. Some things our nature. Yeah, some things are more of a nature thing, you know, it's in their DNA. Like how we was talking about. [00:43:23] Speaker A: Cause even with. Like with my wife, for instance, man, see, I was. Hey, I'm being transparent right now. I'm the one who always used to kind of talk about people, you know what I'm saying? See, my wife, she don't talk about nobody. Nobody at all. Man. This is honest. God, truth. Out of all the years I known her, she ain't never said nothing negative or bad about nobody. Even her best friend did something, and she ain't said nothing. It disappointed her that she did what she did. And she ain't never said nothing. One bad thing. [00:43:57] Speaker C: White, solid, dog, I'm. [00:44:00] Speaker A: Boy, she's so solid, bro. I'm talking about behind the four walls, man. She ain't. Not now one time. Gossip about nobody. She didn't. People then cross her. She ain't never said nothing bad. [00:44:12] Speaker B: Now, I'll tell you how it kind [00:44:14] Speaker A: of mature me in my approach and how I view things and I see things. You know what I'm saying? Like, she just cut them off. She just cut them off. [00:44:21] Speaker B: And it's different because I'mma tell you, I get behind that wall, boy. I'm about like, you don't throw, boy, they leak my calls. Boy, if they was to leak my calls and leak my conversation. Cause I just feel like, bro, that's like a safe space for me, bro. That's my safe space, like. And, bro, if I was to ever go over the top with talking, it's gonna be with her. It ain't gonna be with nobody else, but, like, behind. [00:44:41] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:41] Speaker B: If they was to ever leak my calls or. [00:44:43] Speaker A: I ain't like that. [00:44:44] Speaker B: Yeah. I just feel like she ain't like that, though. [00:44:47] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:47] Speaker B: Other than that. [00:44:48] Speaker C: Yeah. That's probably one of the biggest things, man. And that you found your person, you got your person that you able to do that with. [00:44:56] Speaker A: We want her to talk about people, man. [00:44:57] Speaker C: You got some people, man. As soon as you get off the phone with them, boy, they calling that person. Hey, man, you won't believe what soul [00:45:05] Speaker A: said about them group chat. [00:45:07] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Chats. And, hey, we do that, too, though. That's what I'm saying. [00:45:11] Speaker B: Like, dudes be gossiping, man. Yeah, dude, [00:45:16] Speaker C: man. And do those kind of. [00:45:19] Speaker A: The setup. Sometimes you do, like, little setup questions. Yeah. [00:45:22] Speaker C: You know what I'm saying? [00:45:22] Speaker A: I think I put something in there about. [00:45:25] Speaker C: Whole different thing. Whole different thing, man. [00:45:28] Speaker B: So. [00:45:28] Speaker C: So stuff like that, man, I try to limit. I limit my contribution to those kind of conversations, man. Cause all it take is one person, man. One leak, like. Well, hey, yeah. And it don't matter how much you said, how little you said, the fact that you contributed to the conversation, man. [00:45:46] Speaker B: Cause they could spin it any way they want. [00:45:47] Speaker C: For real. [00:45:49] Speaker B: In real life, bro, I try to have a character like this, though, like, on some real junk. And I don't always hit the mark. I'm not about to sit here and act like I'm perfect. But for the most part, bro, I try to have a character like this. If somebody come and tell y' all boys, hey, Q said this why y' all wasn't around, bro. I try to let my character stand so somebody could be like, nah, bro, that ain't him. Some people we know as males, bro, we can't even give them the benefit of the doubt. Because you run your mouth so much, bro. Like, your integrity got to be high, bro. When you walk out the room, bro, I'm going to be the same person that I was while you were sitting right here. And so me personally, as a man, bro, I try to make sure, bro, that's the one thing I try to stand on. Like, you know, if somebody come in and boy, Q was saying it, nah, that ain't him, bro. Cause if Q needed to say that, bro, Q was gonna tell me, like, I ain't want it to be no surprises to you, bro. So I try to really stand on that Bro, that's important to me. [00:46:36] Speaker A: So what if, like, say, for instance, you cross me, right? And I call tj and I call tj, the vent to him. And my vulnerability is that gossiping to [00:46:50] Speaker B: me, that ain't gossiping, bro. It depends. [00:46:52] Speaker C: You just getting it off. [00:46:52] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I mean, you gonna hit me with some advice like, well, you need to talk that, man, right? [00:46:58] Speaker C: Well, yeah, that. Bingo. [00:47:00] Speaker A: Yeah. And I got call that man and see you. That's how that's supposed to be, right? [00:47:04] Speaker B: That's how it's supposed to be. There's nothing wrong with that. But too many times we got you get on the phone with tj, Tip well, bro. I'mma be real, bro. He had did something to me too, bro. I really. So now all of a sudden it turned that what was supposed to be event and you, like, seeking godly counsel, like, bro, were you. Nah, bro. Did you ever look at it from this perspective? Did you ever look at it? Did you ever think about it this way? What was supposed to be that and then turn into a whole gossip thing? Now when I come around now, the. The vibes are weird. [00:47:31] Speaker C: You gotta walk on eggshells. [00:47:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Because now y' all done sat there and came up with this thing. Just like when we had our little disagreement, our little argument, bro. [00:47:38] Speaker C: We was. [00:47:39] Speaker B: Bro, you remember we had that little spat in the group chat about the little. No, bro, you remember that jump? And I thought Walt was on my. I think what. I thought Walt was on my side and I thought Trey Reese was on your side, bro. When we were talking about the. [00:47:50] Speaker A: I forgot what it was. [00:47:51] Speaker B: Yeah, that old jump, bro. So, like, we all, like, set our part, like, and it wasn't no flaw stuff going on. Like, as men, bro, we brought our thought process to the table. We disagree with the thought process, bro. I was mad. Next day. Next day, bro. I was still a little bit heated, but I hit the group chat up first. I woke up before everybody like, what's up? What's up? [00:48:11] Speaker A: Let it sit in your heart. [00:48:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Didn't let it sit in, bro. Because as men, bro, you also. Part of. Part of your emotional intelligence is understanding we're not going to always see eye to eye. [00:48:21] Speaker C: Ain't personal. [00:48:21] Speaker B: It ain't personal, bro. We could agree to disagree, bro. That's being real. That's being a man. [00:48:26] Speaker C: If. [00:48:26] Speaker B: Because I'm gonna tell you, I ain't want nobody that I'm around to see everything like I see it, bro. Cause I'm gonna think you're fake. Bro, you're a yes man. And I don't want you around me. Yeah. I want you to have a difference of opinion. [00:48:36] Speaker A: That's one thing I. I respect about men and I. I love about men is the fact that we can express ourselves in such a way. Way. You know what I'm saying? Okay. You know, it is what it is. Or we. We can agree to disagree. Well, you know, women cannot do that. They cannot express themselves in such a way to the point where they can agree to disagree. Nah, they'll fight. Yo, you know what? Women got more ego than men do. [00:49:05] Speaker C: They do. [00:49:05] Speaker B: They do. Because by nature, bro. [00:49:08] Speaker C: Design. [00:49:09] Speaker B: Yeah, by nature. Yeah, it's their nature, bro, because I'm going to tell you, women, and I'm not going to use the word I normally use, women are catty by nature. So, like, I've seen, like, I. Wow. Like, I've seen, like, women friend groups are very different than male dynamics. Like, when we get with our people, like, our real people, bro, is love. Like, I ain't talking about no flaw jump, bruh. [00:49:29] Speaker C: It's love. [00:49:30] Speaker B: Like, we really love being around our brothers. Like, we find peace in that, bro. We find solace in that. [00:49:34] Speaker A: That's why we can do God trips, right? [00:49:37] Speaker B: Women, they get with each other, bro, and they low key. Like, they just so catty, bro. They hate each other. For real. For real. But I kind of like it because we both like to shop, so I feel like we friends. But y' all really don't even be feeling each other like that. [00:49:49] Speaker A: I don't think it always been that way, though. [00:49:52] Speaker C: This is how I. This is how I look at it. Like, us coming up as boys, but we understood the hierarchy. [00:49:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:00] Speaker C: Like, okay, hey, man, this is the leader of the group. We gonna follow the leader. Like, women, they had a group. They all played together. Everybody was on the same playing field. But if I know you better than me in basketball or whatever sport, like, man, I ain't gonna sit here and act like, you know, that we on the equal playing field. I ain't gonna ever act like that. And I think that that's a part of it, too, that women play. They play together. You know, everybody had the same baby doll and all that kind of stuff. But, like, man, we understood how, bro, you know, if you was the fastest person or not. [00:50:39] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. When we brought our bikes out. Yeah, you know, I knew I was faster than you on the bike. I knew I put the bottle in my. Mine sound like a dirt bike. Yours just sound regular. But we innately Know, like, it's a crazy thing because a lot of people like to try to deny this fact, bro. We innately know, like, bro, he's like the leader, bro. Sometimes your pride and your stuff might get in the way and it ain't want it. You ain't want to admit it, you ain't want to say it. But bro, you could look at like, bro, yeah, bro, I tell women this all the time. They'll be like, yo, my dude, he don't see nobody as a threat. I said, yo, I'm a man. I tell you this, bro. I could walk in a room, look at everybody in that room, and if I. And if I just look at looking at and watch, watch people operate for a little bit of time. Yo, that dude, yo, that, yo, he got that. [00:51:22] Speaker C: There's some insecurities. [00:51:24] Speaker B: He got that like, bro, at the end of the day, if you can't, bro, we. I'm just real with it, bro. Self awareness is real. If I walk in the room, I'm like, yo, B, got that jump, bro. He. He wanted them and it don't make me feel no type of way, bro. I know I'm one of them. [00:51:37] Speaker A: But like a lot go back to what, what your. You say your dad said, be your own. [00:51:41] Speaker B: Be your own man, son. [00:51:42] Speaker A: Be your own man. [00:51:43] Speaker B: Like, if you could do that, bro, if you confident, like you said the confidence part. If you confident in who and what you are and what you bring to the table, there is no reason for you to feel some type of way because another alpha male just walked in [00:51:54] Speaker C: the room because you know and understand what it could be if they felt threatened. [00:52:02] Speaker A: What is the alpha male? [00:52:05] Speaker B: I don't really. I don't really know like the actual definition. [00:52:09] Speaker A: Toss it. [00:52:10] Speaker C: I don't subscribe to alpha male anyway, though. [00:52:12] Speaker A: I'm saying alpha male normally have that toxic masculinity energy, though. [00:52:19] Speaker B: I feel like this, bro, it be like that macho jump that macho. That too macho, bro. Like, too hard, bro. [00:52:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:52:25] Speaker C: And like I said, that's just not something that, you know, I subscribe to. Or even when. Even when I see other people, I ain't gonna see em as alpha because a lot of times it's some insecurities that they hiding that make em act that way. That's how I view them. So, like, why you gotta be so hard? [00:52:44] Speaker B: Why you gotta be so hard, bro? [00:52:46] Speaker A: That's my part. My part's so hard, man. Like, he's so hardcore, yo. I be like, but I think too. [00:52:52] Speaker B: But I don't believe in it though, bro. [00:52:54] Speaker A: It's hardcore. You come around here if you. If you. If you come in here, you know what I'm saying? You can tell how you walk in the door, you know what I'm saying? He run. [00:53:01] Speaker C: He got a bravado. He got a bravado about it. He braggadocious. [00:53:04] Speaker A: Like he. I mean, I ain't even gonna lie. Like, he. He got it. So that's what I seen growing up. And so I thought, did you internalize some of that? [00:53:11] Speaker C: Did you internalize some of that growing up, having to having that bravado about yourself? I feeling that you had to. [00:53:16] Speaker A: I did. [00:53:17] Speaker C: And have air in your chest, you know what I'm saying, to identify yourself as a man? [00:53:23] Speaker A: Yeah, I think. Well, growing up, I think that's in my mind now, growing up. And I'm not sure my pops feel this way, but in my mind, I felt like growing up, I felt my pops in so many different ways growing up. And I felt this way growing up. Now I don't feel this way now, but because I didn't exude that alpha male energy, you know what I'm saying? That wasn't me. That's not how I kind of do things. And so my pops, that's how he kind of was. And I think in his mind, he felt like his boy is supposed to be there. He's supposed to have that, you know what I'm saying? And I didn't necessarily. Didn't have that. And even now, as I became my own man and I kind of got up on the knee away from his, the way he kind of did things, and I start my own life and create my own family and stuff like that, I became my own man. Like what you were saying. And you know, like, I think now he proud of me. Cause he told me like a few years ago he was proud of me, you know what I'm saying? But in the beginning, like, he didn't. I don't think he was proud of me. I mean, if he was, he would have said it. [00:54:37] Speaker C: How many times you heard him say that he's proud of you? [00:54:41] Speaker A: He said about two times, man, while I was in my 30s. [00:54:44] Speaker C: Okay, then hold on. [00:54:45] Speaker A: Later on in my life. Later. Later on. [00:54:47] Speaker B: You just said something, bro. And it goes back to what you said. You said he just told you that he was proud of you. Once you started doing your own way, doing your own thing, bro. A lot of times with the older generation, they don't know how to take the younger generation because you became what he wanted to be, what he couldn't be. [00:55:04] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:55:04] Speaker C: Exactly. [00:55:04] Speaker B: So for him to see you operate like, yo, there's a part of him. He may never admit it, but there's a part of him that loves the man that you are. He just could never become or be the man that you are. So a lot of times, bro, it comes across as aggression. When. When. When. I can't tell you, like, B, I actually love the man that you are. I aspire to be the man that you are. I just didn't make the mark. So sometimes in your mind, it comes across as aggression because, like, I'm really fighting this internal conflict, bro. Yeah. [00:55:37] Speaker C: And they're not allowing themselves that range of emotion, dawg. They're not allowing themselves that range of emotion. [00:55:44] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:55:45] Speaker C: To express themselves in that way. And, like, that's the most difficult thing to realize sometimes that as a father, in ways you. Well, not even as a father, but as a man yourself, who is a father, you failed yourself because you're not able to fully grasp the person that you really are because of circumstances that may be in the way or situations to where, like, you say he went to war and stuff like that. So he had to build some type of shell around him to just exist and survive. So that's all he knew. So for him to see your level of freedom that you have is just like, man, it's beautiful to see. And instead of him saying it outright, he had to put a mask over it. [00:56:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Going back to that mask, he had [00:56:43] Speaker C: to put a mask over it. You know what I'm saying? To say, like, is it really okay for me to say that? But once he saw you being your own man, operating in yourself and in a way, still being who he raised you to be, but just in your own way. [00:57:00] Speaker A: Yeah, just. Yeah, yeah, just in my own way, man, you said so much, bro. Like. And, you know, going back to what we was talking about early on that, you know, getting therapy and opening up and stuff like that, men like that, they may not ever open up to what we have already evolved into. What I have evolved into is because that's the very thing that kept them going, kept them, you know, thriving. You know what I'm saying? For someone to get into that vulnerability, it might almost. I ain't gonna say take them out, but, man, they might have a nervous breakdown. It did too much all at once. [00:57:46] Speaker B: You have to rewire, bro. Imagine being factory reset. Like, everything that I thought or everything that I felt at 55 years old. At 55 years old, to have to come in here and be rewired. Like, bro, this. This going back to some stuff that he's probably never told you, stuff that he probably forgot to actually tap into that and say, yo, I got to be rewired. So. So to another point, too, bro, that you. Before. Before I forget, this is why this kind of stuff is important. When you. When you see. And I'm looking at the camera, when you seeing men talk like this, when you seeing podcasts like this, and it affects you in a good way, in a positive way, share this with another man, bro, because somebody may need to hear something that was said today that may set them free. We not just asking for. For us to blow up like that. We do this not just to hear ourselves talk, not just for no numbers, bro. We do this. So I know. I pray every time before I even come up here that something is said that that helps somebody, that breaks somebody free from something. So if you hear anything when you. When you. When you listening to us, or listening to anybody for that matter, share with somebody else. Because there is somebody else that's going through a storm that needs some light at the end of their tunnel, man. And this is where the work begins at. You might not go to no therapist, but you might sit up here and listen to these three and four guys and say, you know what? I'm going to tune into these guys, man, because they saying something, and it's freeing me, man. So I just wanted to plug that in there, man. [00:59:09] Speaker C: Beautiful. [00:59:10] Speaker A: You said everything. Well, you was about to say something just. [00:59:16] Speaker C: And, man, just. I'm gonna let you close it out. But, man, it's important what Q said. We have to find our community. We have to find. First, we must find ourselves. First we must find ourselves, and we must come to ourselves, to the community as ourselves. We don't have to be so macho and so bravado and braggadocious about what we have accomplished, because those are materialistic things. We can lose it all at the drop of a dime. But at you. You will always have your spirit. And your spirit, man, should always be fed more than your. Your fleshly man. So that's what I desire from everybody. Feed your spirit, man. Deny your flesh. Deny your flesh and feed your spirit, man. And that's what I believe your. Your mind renewal comes from, man. I appreciate y'. All. [01:00:08] Speaker A: Hey, I think that's it, though. [01:00:10] Speaker B: Kill the music. [01:00:11] Speaker A: Yes, sir. [01:00:12] Speaker B: Kill the music. That was five. Not really for.