“Marriage Is a Skill, Not a Feeling”

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Swear. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Hey, how's everybody doing? What's going on, man? Listen, y' all just tune in to the Keen Mean Podcast and, you know, I'm your host, B. And I have a guest on the left of me to y'. [00:00:29] Speaker A: All. [00:00:29] Speaker B: Right. Depending on where y' all watching at. And it's a good friend of mine. I know him for some years now, and Mr. Wendell Gamble. How you doing, man? [00:00:41] Speaker A: Doing fine, Brandon. Doing fine, man. Thank you for having me on your PC. [00:00:45] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:00:46] Speaker A: And I'm delighted to be here, man. I'm so excited about what God is doing and through you. Yeah. [00:00:52] Speaker B: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You know, it been. I'm gonna tell you, I guess it's not a funny story, but how I came across, you know, reconnecting with you because, you know, we. We have a long history and, you know, just kind of going through my phone and I was actually was almost towards the end of the last year, 2025, December, it was like December 30th, I was just kind of going through my phone and I came across your, you know, your name. And the last time we kind of was speaking and stuff like that. So I said, let me. Let me. Let me hit Mr. Wendell up, man. See how you doing. And this is how we kind of got to this point. You know, I'm thankful for you. Just going back in the past when we was. When I first met you and your wife at y' all Brighter shop. [00:01:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:46] Speaker B: On third loop, man. [00:01:48] Speaker A: That's right. [00:01:48] Speaker B: And, man, I was going through it. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Wow. Yeah. [00:01:52] Speaker B: When I came in, I don't even know why I came in, honestly, but I just believe that it was divine by God himself. But when I did went into your bridal shop and we was talking, and I just kind of got out of a bad relationship during that time, man. Listen, I think I cried in your shop. [00:02:15] Speaker A: I believe right now that you mentioned that. Thank you. [00:02:19] Speaker B: I believe I did cry, man. I think that's the first time I ever cried over a relationship like that, man. It was tough. And you invited me. Y' all invited me to y' all church and everything else, man. [00:02:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:29] Speaker B: And so I. I really want to kind of zoom in because I. I really do look at you as a. As a someone that has so much wisdom in everything you do. And I. I believe God gifted you with wisdom to speak to towards men like myself. [00:02:51] Speaker A: Sure. [00:02:52] Speaker B: That's trying to navigate this thing called life, especially in the climate that we in for as relationship. I'm gonna tell you, man, you know, a lot of people going through it in relationship. And before we actually get started, man, like, I, I, I want to give you the floor, man. Tell, you know, tell us, tell me a little bit about yourself and, you know, start from there. [00:03:19] Speaker A: Well, again, Brandon, I just want to say thank you for inviting me to be here on your podcast. I'm so proud of you, you know, for you stepping out and wanting to make a difference. And even though it's me just getting introduced to your, what you're doing, you are making a difference, you know, I want you to know that. And so we're thankful for that. And, you know, as you go back and you talk about that, this was well over 10 years ago. I don't know, somewhere closer probably to 15 years maybe, you know, whenever we were over there in our, in the bridal shop that we were operating on third loop Road there and, but just a little bit about who I am. Of course. I'm Wendell Gamble. I'm, you know, I'm a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and I'm married to Linda, who is my wife of 47 years. [00:04:15] Speaker B: Such a sweet lady, man. [00:04:17] Speaker A: Yeah, she's such a sweet lady. [00:04:18] Speaker B: I just love everything about her. [00:04:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, she's special. She, she, she's, she, she's, you know, she's usually. I love to have her with me, you know, so I have to check is it okay, you know, because I just love her. She, she brings so much to. [00:04:34] Speaker B: Oh, man. [00:04:35] Speaker A: To what I'm, what we're doing, you know, we're, we're that couple that, you know, we're not perfect. By no means. We're still working on. After 47 years, you know, we're still working on our marriage, you know, believe it or not, because it's not an automatic thing. It just doesn't happen. But we have four children. Four grown kids. You know, Joshua is our youngest at 41. Leon at 45, he'll be here. And then Melinda at 47. And then an older daughter, Lakota, at 49. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Wow. [00:05:10] Speaker A: Seven grands. And you know, from ages 8 to 28. Yeah. Yeah. So. Wow. But we serve, you know, we've been in the bridal formal wear business for a number of years. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Yeah. And so that's, you know, man, that's kind of how we met. [00:05:28] Speaker B: It's something that you said. Ben, you've been married 47, 40. 47 years. [00:05:33] Speaker A: What are you saying? 48. [00:05:34] Speaker B: In me 47, 48 years. And to get to that part of life, man, where y' all can, you know, still listen, y' all the couple that y' all been together this long, and when you see y' all together, y'. All, Y' all look like y' all love each other. You know, some people be married for that long, they like the enemies, you know, and. And they love each other, but, you know, they don't like being around each other. You know what I'm saying? That's a. And that's a big difference. And, you know, 47 years ain't. Ain't something that you see often. So that, that, that means that I always say to, you know, I've been married, let me see, going on nine years. [00:06:21] Speaker A: Sure. [00:06:22] Speaker B: And, man, I'm gonna tell you, it was a struggle to get to the nine years, to be honest. So how y'. [00:06:29] Speaker A: All. [00:06:29] Speaker B: How y' all did it, man? Y' all managed for 47 years, you know, and still going strong. [00:06:34] Speaker A: You know, there's. There's great marriages just don't happen for number one. And you can't do it alone. You. You can't do it by yourself. You know, us individually, we didn't make it happen. First and foremost, Brandon and I just got to tell it like it is, and I know it's the truth. You know, it's because, you know, we say, God, you're first. We have to a great marriage, number one. Because if a couple pursue one another and try to make it work that way, just by what can we do? Sometimes they wind themselves missing one another because a husband and a wife they both start with, they've come from two different environments, two different backgrounds, two different families, and. And there's just so much differences and conflict is inevitable in. In every relationship. And just how do you resolve that? So we find ourselves having to, you know, trust God and then live in community. You know, you have to have others. You know, marriages need to be discipled. You need to have someone speaking into that you trust that's going to give you some good counsel, and then you be accountable to others. That's one aspect, just one aspect of it. But putting God first and pursuing him, and then as we pursue him individually, you know, we get closer. So that has to be the focus. You know that. Okay, there is. And. And we get closer to one another and willing to. [00:08:03] Speaker B: You just said something, though, pursuing God individually. [00:08:09] Speaker A: Yes, man. [00:08:10] Speaker B: Like, I wish I could just highlight that. Cause, you know, a lot of times, okay, early on, and I still compare it to your marriage, I still feel like I'm early on, but early on in our marriage, one of the things was I was trying to get my wife to, you know, not saying she wasn't in church. She was in church, but I was trying to get her to I guess, do do church with me together, you know what I'm saying? It was almost like a dictatorship in a sense, you know. And early it just didn't work, you know what I'm saying? I realized, and it's something that when you mentioned doing it individually, everybody have their own particular path. [00:08:59] Speaker A: Right. [00:08:59] Speaker B: That God as you continue as individual, we continue to seek God to. Then we gonna meet up at that point. [00:09:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause we get it. Like a triangle. Yeah, like a triangle, you know, closer you get. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Yeah, man, I just, I wish I had that on earlier, you know. You know, a lot of couples, especially young couples, you know, they don't really have that community of people where they can connect to. And one of the things I realized, even myself, you know, you got people who just want to kind of. They ain't never had no good example. Sure, that makes a difference what marriage look like. They know they want to be married, but you know, they don't, they didn't. They don't know what it looked like, you know. And they're doing it for the very first time. [00:09:51] Speaker A: And, and along with that, Brandon, in that pursuing God you have the marriage is not just a contract. Some people marriage to them is just a contract and it's a covenant and it's a difference. And of course if you married under God, as you said, not only you covenant coveting with your partner, but you entering into a covenant with God. And so even when your partner, because you have in conflict there, because you've got a covenant with God, you'll do some things that you typically wouldn't do. Because God, I didn't just enter into a covenant relationship with this person, but God, you're part of this covenant. So even when I don't in like, even when I. We don't like one another, you know, you know, we say, you know, we, you know, just keeping it real. You know, sometimes we don't like you can love somebody because there's some things we just do with one another. I don't like that. Yeah, I love you now, but I don't. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:52] Speaker A: And you understanding the difference between the two, you don't break up just because you don't like. Because you know, love is greater than that. And so that love has to, has to be there. And the agape love, the unconditional love that I'm not going to just say, but we got a relationship. And as Long as thing is hunky dory, you're doing what I want you to do and we like that because that's not reality. [00:11:14] Speaker B: Right, Right. Right. [00:11:15] Speaker A: You know I'm going to love you even when things don't go and then in spite of. Cause frankly things, things is gonna come when you, even when a couple, you know, when they get married, there's things gonna come out that they don't know. I hadn't known on the front end that particularly they might not like so well, you know. [00:11:35] Speaker B: So what's some of the struggles early on though that you as not. Not just your marriage in a whole, but as you as a man, what's some of the struggles you had to cause? I'm sure, you know, Ms. Gamma was here, she, she would probably, probably say it, you know, some of the stuff. But what's some of the things that you, you end up struggling with that you felt like, I guess you had a change that came against, you know, not against your marriage, but this bump head with Ms. Gamble, you know what I'm saying? Cause some stuff that we, we brought, we bring into the marriage, man, you know, we kind of bump heads at it, you know, either is my way or you know. [00:12:19] Speaker A: Well, you know. And you're right, that's. That's just going to say what you're saying. There is, there are things that. There's some unexpected things that will show up and that just some of the differences, some of the differences between you know, just the way we handle whether it's parenting, finances, just various things. And so some of the things would that we ourselves experience that was just different. That was just different. You know, I, I'll call. Let me just use one for example. Thinking about, okay, my mother, you know, she worked a job and she came home and she cooked and prepared and provided all of the things for everybody and you know, for the whole family. And sometimes coming into that and putting the same expectations on my wife that my mother did. [00:13:28] Speaker B: That's good. [00:13:28] Speaker A: Was, was. That's not good. [00:13:31] Speaker B: Yeah, because. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Because she didn't come from that same right setting. I'm not saying that her mother didn't, but you know, just her mother, her mother was at home and that was a reason because she had another sister that had a disability. Her mother had to stay home. You know, my mother was out doing some things and working out outside of the home. So just that dynamic alone and being able to. That's just one of the things. And then parenting, you know, you know, parenting. How do we parent, you know you know, my. Especially being a male and a female, there's just a difference to start with. You know, we raising boys. I'm wanting the boys to be a little bit more robust and. And active and jumping off this and jumping and swinging from that. [00:14:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:14:26] Speaker A: And. And she's like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You know, boy show, you know, and so just, Just. Just a difference. Some things there, you know, that's just. [00:14:35] Speaker B: Part of marriage, right? [00:14:36] Speaker A: That's a part of marriage. But let me just share this particular more. Maybe more personal. I had a. A child before we got married. Okay? [00:14:47] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:14:48] Speaker A: That becomes a real dynamic. So now we get married and we have to navigate and deal with, you know, that child has another mother. [00:15:01] Speaker B: Right. [00:15:03] Speaker A: That. What. What degree of my relationship and how do I touch with that side of making sure that I'm handling the affairs with that daughter, and at the same time, because she's got another mother and I'm married over here. So the real challenges there of a. Of that can become a real touchy thing. It's what we call now blended families because there's so many families. 40% of the families now are that. And it can be navigated, but it also can bring a lot of challenges. [00:15:41] Speaker B: Oh, man. Listen, that's my situation. I have two kids from two different people before I got married. And so that. That was one of the things that. That really brought on a lot of challenge in my household once I ended up getting married or whatnot, because again, like, my. My daughter, she. She just turned 18 and she. She was staying with. She. She started staying with me about four or five years ago. [00:16:17] Speaker A: Okay. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Which was cool. But early on, you know what I'm saying, When I was dating my wife at. She was my girlfriend at the time. I was dating her, my daughter, and, you know, girlfriend, they. They wasn't. You know, we wasn't staying together. We had, you know, saying different places, but, like, they wasn't. They ain't got along in the beginning part, you know what I'm saying? And eventually, I'm gonna tell you, man, if you don't have, like now with how I kind of navigate that, sure. I didn't necessarily. I don't know. I mean, it worked out eventually, but when you navigating that, you just don't know. You don't know if it gonna work out or not, you know, And a lot of times you got, you know, the mother and the child ear about different things, and then, you know, the father, you know, I was in my. I wasn't in My daughter, therefore, certain things. But basically, you know, you. Some of her behaviors was stemming off of things that her mother was telling her, you know, and saying to her. So you right, man. Sometimes that right there, you know, especially early on in that beginning stage, I'm gonna tell you, I had. I struggle with that, you know, for a good five, six years, you know what I'm saying? Straight, you know, just trying to get everything right. And I just realized, like. And some stuff I'mma tell you too, you know, my wife, she. She did a good job with, you know, being. Because she went through that when she was growing up, you know, blended family. She knew how to navigate that. And that really worked in my favor because she was telling me, you know, what I'm saying certain things to. How to handle certain situation, you know what I'm saying? With love and everything else. Cause you definitely don't want to kind of push her away too much. So that would help in my case. But for most people, they don't have that type of navigation. [00:18:23] Speaker A: Well, thank God for that. And I have to say thank God to your wife for being understanding in that sense, because of course, you know, and we, we, you know, with us, Lynn, my wife Linda and I, you know, it was something that, that God, we really attest to that God stepped in early for us and. But you still have to be mindful of, you know, relationships, you know, you have to put boundaries on things, you know, because we're human. And. But she realized, and just her personal testimony, if I might share what she said, you know, you know, the Lord, you know, whenever our child was very young, there, even in the, in the, in the crib, you know, she looked at. And God dealt with her heart. If you love him, then, you know, you. You got to love that child. Wow. Yeah. So that was one of the things that helped. And then the relationship between others, you know, that. That's a part of that. So that's one of. One of the challenges there. And, and we've had our share of things just the way, just, just in household. Brandon, I'm telling you, you know, Linda and I, we. We find ourselves. We've. We've clashed over things. Just. Just the way we. We see how one thing needs to be done and. And couples just need investing in knowing. Sometimes you just need to know that it's not abnormal to have different views, because then that can help you positively maybe move forward or take the next step. Because if you think that that's a strange thing, sometimes people just get off on the first Exit. You know, they just get out of. They just get out of it whenever they have the right. Whenever they have a conflict and you just. Marriage really it helps develop you because both of us have to change. You know, I have to change in order to, you know, a scripture that says submit to one another and what that means is, is Wendell, you know, you need to get to know your wife for who she is and respect that and honor that before the Lord and dwell with her according to knowledge, according to that understanding. And of course with her. You know me as the structural. That we believe that God is structured the order in the house is the head of the house not more than. But it's just like any institution, any organization we recognize there is an order or a structured set up. And then when you have that respect for that, honoring that, it just helps. I believe it just helps the whole. [00:21:13] Speaker B: Right. Well, you know, with this. I was speaking earlier about the, the climate of. Just because I don't know how many people are getting married nowadays. They say the percentage is very low nowadays. And I guess after 2020 is like they say like below 40% right now. [00:21:35] Speaker A: Okay. [00:21:36] Speaker B: And I was reading statistics on that and you know, I be on, on social media all the time and it is war between men and women. What men. Women got advice for what men should do and how a man should handle, you know, them and all this other stuff. And men feel like women, you know, they have opinion about how women should be. You know, I'm sure you probably had that back in your day too as well. But not, not probably not as much man. But. But what your advice for that because you know, I, I me truly, you know, I believe that, you know, we focus on the wrong thing and, and we should focus on ourselves and allow God to, you know, develop us. [00:22:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:23] Speaker B: You know what I'm saying? For, for ourself versus telling someone how they should be sure. Or how, how they should treat them or what they should do. You know, saying. And it could be it. It can be completely subjective based off of what they're seeing when they grow they. What they grew up on. You know what I'm saying? So you know. But what are your advice for that? [00:22:45] Speaker A: You know. Right. Like what you just said that you used a good scenario. We, we do a, you know, part of what Lynn and I we're part of a series sometimes we do a series called the Art of Marriage. And one of the things that's talked about in that now you're going to hear a lot of things during this six Week six session series about couples, husbands and wives and relationship and how you should love one another. And, and of course you're going to hear some things in it that you're going to say, oh, my spouse need to hear that. Oh, that's exactly what my spouse need. But what we, what we, what we encourage and say about that, consider this now as you hear all of this good stuff, the chair that you sitting in, do it. Draw an imaginary circle around that chair and then let everything that you hear, you know, let it, let the person inside of that circle, you know, don't, don't, don't, don't look over there and say he need this or she don't. Or he don't look over there and say she need this. But let it apply and see what God is saying to you. So you know, you, you, you've got to let God speak to you. And that's what, that's what that pursuing, you know, when you're pursuing God, you, you're pursuing him and says, lord, what do you want to show me? [00:24:00] Speaker B: Right? [00:24:01] Speaker A: How do you want me to be? How do you want me to as a husband? How do you want me to develop and align with what you calling me, how to love my wife? And how am I missing that? And there's a lot of practical things that God has, Brandon, that, that, that, you know, that applies. And it involves sometimes being in small groups accountable, whether it's one on one or whether it's just, just hearing, hearing what others have to say. And especially the series that I talked about is a great series. [00:24:42] Speaker B: What, what that series called again, the Art of Marriage. The Art of Marriage. [00:24:46] Speaker A: The Art of Marriage. Yeah. It's a six week, six session series. [00:24:51] Speaker B: It, so where it comes, it comes with a book. [00:24:53] Speaker A: It comes with the book. It's, it's, it's video live stream driven. [00:24:58] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:59] Speaker A: Interactive with the workbook that feels, and it's facilitated. [00:25:03] Speaker B: Right. [00:25:04] Speaker A: Lynn and I, you know, we facilitate. Matter of fact, we will be facilitating probably one up and coming soon, you know, you know, okay, another series. There's one called the Art of Parenting that's a part of ministry that we are a part of and, and maybe we'll mention that sometime or another what that's like. But Art of Parenting, which kind of gives you the same kind of a scenario or with series and workbooks and, and, and, and things of that nature. So yes. So availing yourself to that, availing yourself to resources. Brandon, think about this. Any profession, any career, any field that you aspire to be Successful in, you know, you're going to go to school, you're going to invest in it, you're going to spend time there. Marriage, the most important institution and relationship and pursuit. I, I believe. [00:26:04] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:05] Speaker A: That you can do. People just kind of sometimes think, well, let's just get married and, and just it's gonna work out. There's a lot of great resources and help that we need. Not just, well, you know, I'm married, so. And that's where a lot for a lot of marriages fall at, I think, because, you know, they don't. They're not discipled. That's another term we use, you know, being willing to be cycled. [00:26:28] Speaker B: Oh man. You not being disciple. [00:26:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:31] Speaker B: You know, the. As a lot of times, you know, people around my age and even younger, sometimes we don't know that there's or they are resources like that. [00:26:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:43] Speaker B: That, that gonna help you, help you when coming out of marriage. Giving you the tools know how to navigate this thing. You know what I'm saying? Overall, we, you know, marriages is so important. Right. I know a lot of times people don't feel like it. You got. Some people feel like it's just a contract. And I believe you. You express about that. It's not just a contract. It's. It's a covenant between you and God and your wife too as well. But you know, I want to express though, marriage is so important, man. It's so important for family. I mean for, for the kids too. [00:27:24] Speaker A: Sure. [00:27:25] Speaker B: To see their parents, you know what I'm saying, Getting along how they're getting along. And I truly believe if like within a relationship marriage, I believe if the marriage is winning, I believe the community, the household is winning, then the community is winning as well. Like it just ain't just one thing. [00:27:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:48] Speaker B: Spread all the way out into the community too as well. [00:27:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:52] Speaker B: And, and, and I want to, I want to ask you about the, the opportunity, the resources. [00:27:58] Speaker A: Okay. [00:27:59] Speaker B: That, that is out there because people like myself. [00:28:02] Speaker A: Sure. [00:28:03] Speaker B: You know, you know, still want. Want my marriage to win too as well. And I know there's other people out here watching to as well want their marriage to win too. So you know, one express. [00:28:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I would like to, but I'm gonna. On what you just said, everyone in every sphere of life or in every profession, you know, they leave home for the most part to go do what they do. Whether you're a professor, a doctor, lawyer, teacher or sanitary worker, whatever, you come from a family. And, and as the family goes, so goes society. Whether you teach It. So that's why that family and that unit which begins with. In the case of a husband and a wife and everyone isn't called to be married. So we're not. It's not a kickback on anyone that's single, because single, that's another topic of great importance. But in a marriage setting or family, everyone, as the family goes, so goes society. That's what we like to say, you know, and even when you talk about the parent and the best thing when you're talking about one of the best things parents can do for their children is for the husband and wife to have a good relationship that means so much to children. Now children don't have to be divided and over mom and dad. That's one of the best things. And it's not that they're in recovery. There's recovery from all of these because we live in a fallen world, you know, because of sin, nature, because of the fall. Thank God for redemption. Who what was done and brought through to us through Christ, you know, so they all of these fallen and broken situations can be remedied. But to get to your point about me sharing about resources that's available, I didn't realize but for us, when I, Linda and I thank God we were. We were listening at we when we were raising our kids and it was small and we'd have the radio playing all the time on a Christian station. Some of the stations that wasn't traditionally out of our what we were used to, but it was stations that had teachings and talking about marriage and family. And one of those stations was Family Life, which is on today. And this has been over 40 years ago. Podcast or daily podcast? It was coming on just like you doing podcasts. You know, it was daily podcast. It did Family Life today and says young couples and we were young couple and I thought marriage was good and I thought we were doing well. But a lot of times the wife says we were not doing so good. So she heard it's like couples, if you need something for your marriage, there's a week, there's a you can get away for a weekend. Here's a resource you need to do that. So there, you know, with family life that we're connected with and there are a lot of great family ministries out there. It's just happened to be the one that we're connected with a ministry of crew and crew, Campus Crusade for Christ has been doing this. This is the 50th year of investing in marriages and families and parenting. And we have great resources from the Art of marriage, the art of for couples, and the art of parenting, how to parent well. And another resource is stepping up for men from boyhood to manhood. You know, five stages of that one, passport to purity for adolescents, you know, helping kids, you know, how do, how do they come through that adolescent period when their body changes and all this stuff start to happening, you know, so there's a lot of great resources and we are, we are fortunate and thankful that the Lord has invited us, Linda and myself to be a part of that ministry. So as we've offered and like to. Like you said, you knew you first met us when we had a bridal formalware shop. And the Lord blessed us, well, probably 15 years or better to dress brides and grooms with wedding gowns and tuxedos and bridesmaids dresses. And we saw so much invested into the event and, but very little into the covenant relationship and marriages was not surviving. And we asked Lord, what else can we do? And kind of like you seeing you God, what else? What's my next step? And he connected us back to family life, providing resources. Now we are in a capacity as missionaries, providing resources, coming alongside churches, pastors, institutions, being on a podcast like this, being able to tell someone, you know, there's help. You don't have to throw in the towel. You can, you know, talk to someone or reach out and there's help to, you know, to strengthen your relationship. Wow. Yeah. [00:33:03] Speaker B: Man. I think I was looking at some of the stuff that you sent over to me. You gave me two books. I was looking at the pamphlet that you, that, that you gave. Gave me. And also I was, I was looking at how you put everything together. The. What do you call that? Not in the invoice, but it's the. What were you called? [00:33:28] Speaker A: Like the trifold or the other or the letter. [00:33:31] Speaker B: The letter, yeah. You did a letter. [00:33:33] Speaker A: We do a. Every other month or so monthly update on some ministry things, whatever God is doing in our life at this season. And we try to put some nuggets and thankfulness for those that are come alongside us and want to be a part of strengthening families. So it's, you know, we do a prayer letter or an update on that, that we communicate some of what we're doing. And that's. That in, in. In itself was quite a, quite a challenge being not tech savvy, not, you know, with technology and media and social media and all of this stuff and how to do it, man. It's, it's. It's amazing how what God has done and what he's doing. And we know he has so much more. We just, we recognize, even though we've been married this long, Brandon, Linda and I feel like we're just right on the edge. Just on the. We, in reality, we're just on the edge of something else that God wants to do and what he's. Because we see it happening in our, in our region. There's just a heartbeat from pastors and others and, and we get to talk to them. And I talked to someone in a medical facility, says, look, it says all. I've got all of these employees, and they come from a home and they bring that to work. And for, you know, we, we need them to have a better, you know. Yeah, so we see the value in that. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I see the value in it, too. Cause it's someone that I was working with and they was going through some stuff within their marriage and they brought her to work and they started missing work here and there, and it affect them so much, man. It affect them so much. And this is before I even, you know, went through my phone and, and, and, yeah, connect, Connected with you about that, some of this stuff. And if I would have, I would have, you know, you know, gave him y' all information or whatnot. But yeah, man, he, you know, sometimes you don't realize how much, how much that affect an individual when he kind of going through it. And, and some, sometimes the, the, the, the main thing that's the root problem is, I think Yusef mentioned it. It's like communication for some odd reason, I don't know like what I say, like what I say to my wife. She interpreted, she just, she did that the other day, you know, she interpreted, she said, so you don't want me to do that? I said, nah, that ain't what I said, you know. And so for some odd reason, I guess when men speak, when men say something, women interpret it a little different and vice versa. When women speak, you know, and they're probably gonna always. They say they always gonna probably be. [00:36:29] Speaker A: And just a ground rule when it comes to communication in general, when two people are talking, you know, you've got a. Even as we're doing right now, you've got a transmission, the one that's putting out, and then you've got a receptor on the other end. And sometimes what's being transmitted, you know, it needs to be a bank. Now, let me, let me make sure I understand you correctly. Did I hear you say sometimes we don't. We don't do that. We say what we what we heard or at least what we thought the person meant. And we go ahead and act on that verses coming back with. Now let me make sure I understood you right now. Did you say and then you know. And of course. And if it's. And if it is not what you. Because sometimes that person will tell you something and they need to give you the opportunity to say oh no, that's not what I mean. You know, if that's what you heard, then sometimes we might have to find other words, you know, to try. But that needs to be that back and forth to find out what's really being said. Because I can intend to be. I'm thinking, I'm communicating abc this person is thinking they hearing something else. So husbands and wives need to give that space. Not. I know the situation where someone says oh no, no, no, no, don't you trying. Now you're trying to get around what you said. Now I'm not saying people don't do that. [00:37:53] Speaker B: Right. [00:37:53] Speaker A: You know. But no but you. But you need to at least allow that person to say no that's not what I meant. Can we. So. So. So allowing that, that, that pitter in time and there's just so much practical. [00:38:06] Speaker B: It is a whole lot things that. [00:38:08] Speaker A: That we need to. And give grace. Grace and truth. You know, we want truth, but then we can extend. We gotta. We've got to extend grace to one another. [00:38:16] Speaker B: Oh man. [00:38:16] Speaker A: Learning how to extend grace and then how to. When we do cross, when we do offend, when we do hurt, then we got to be able to this See, there's a whole language of apology because apology to one person, it's not the same. See, there are languages of apology that you gotta be able to say now I'm sorry. See, I'll just use me and my wife. She don't just take I'm sorry, that's not just good enough. And that used to. That. That was one of the things I didn't really touch on that when you asked what are some of the things I was used to just saying, you know, quick. I was a quick I'm sorry. You know and I really, I really meant it. Right, right. I really meant it. But no, she needed. She needed a little bit more than just I'm sorry, you know and what I'm talking about. Let me use an example like this. It's like for instance a guy misses his, his and his wife's anniversary and he really intended to do something. He's got himself so busy and then he winds up just totally Missing. And she's home, left. And then he shows up. She's got this face, and he's like, one. Like, what's the problem? You know? Do you know it's our anniversary? She says so. And just a simple, oh, I'm sorry. You know, that's. It's okay. It's good. [00:39:40] Speaker B: Right? Right. [00:39:40] Speaker A: But he needs. See, he needs a little express, maybe. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, and I apologize. I was wrong for whatever I was doing, however, like that. What can I do, you know? And then he's got to take some measurable steps, you know, and, you know, to, you know, take that. Take that thing a little bit further. That's. That's just one. [00:40:02] Speaker B: Like two parts. [00:40:03] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Just the sorry is. No, okay, you sorry. But what. You know, and so just. But there's one, right? One great book out there by a great guy. It's called the Five Love. Five Languages of Apology. Another one is the Five Love Languages. I don't know if you've heard of that as well, you know, because everybody. Lang. Everybody, you know, love to everyone is. Is different, you know, it is, you know, what speaks love to me. You know, you might be doing something for your wife, or she might be doing something for you. Based on what. I'm doing this because that's what I like, but that may not be what she likes. [00:40:41] Speaker B: Yeah, that is true. Hers is at service, okay? As a service. So me washing dishes and. [00:40:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:40:52] Speaker B: But, yeah, one of the things that I absolutely hate doing washing dishes. I mean, it's just some of this. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you some of this stuff. Her love language go against my love language. Like, her love language, actually, I feel like I gotta be challenged to do you know what I'm saying? Like, I don't be excited of doing it. I'm saying, like, washing dishes, doing laundry, all this other stuff, you know, mopping the flow. Like, she, she. She loves that. Every once in a while, like, I get into this little spell, you know, I'm, you know, I'm gonna wash the dishes up and I'm, you know, I'mma, you know, mop the floor, do laundry and clean the house up, you know, when she at work. And sometimes I be looking for. Because mine's a affirmation. [00:41:39] Speaker A: Okay. [00:41:40] Speaker B: Yeah. Where's the affirmation? I'd be looking for her to come home like, oh, baby, you clean up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, she know it now, but then, like, she. [00:41:51] Speaker A: Sure, yeah. [00:41:52] Speaker B: Because I'd be needing that. That gives me motivation. [00:41:54] Speaker A: Give you the motivation. Exactly. Yeah. And just knowing that. And some. [00:41:58] Speaker B: Those things like that, it does matter, man. [00:42:01] Speaker A: Some people, physical touch, you know, some, it depends on, you know, they. Not. Not necessarily being sexual intimacy. Of course that's a part of that. But just, just, just. Just physical touch and gifts, you know, just knowing whether gifts is. [00:42:15] Speaker B: Yeah, that's, that's, That's a. [00:42:17] Speaker A: Knowing what language speaks. Yeah, yeah. To you. So there's, there's some of those practical things like you said, knowing about what resources and a lot of just good resources that make things like, you know, that gives you one of those aha. Moments when you get exposed to something that you didn't know exists. You say, okay, this is something that I need to. And that's what I'm talking about. Investing in. Investing in places and times or getaways. Linda and I, we served as volunteers with the Weekend to Remember Getaway with Family Life for about six years. They do about 75 of those a year around the country where a couple get to get away. And we were part of the volunteer team when we got to see that starting 2017 was the first one we went to. And then we served from 18 up. And just to see couples come from all over just to invest in their marriage or to. To get some nuggets. And we just encourage couples to start there to do some things to connect with someone and of course connect with. With you, with us. And, and, and the thing is, this is a God idea. It's not our idea. God is the first one that ordained and orchestrated marriage. And then a couple would know that, you know, the two becomes one and what that looks like, because sometimes we. We isolated it in the sense that, you know, I'm thinking like this and she's thinking like that, and we're going in two different directions. And how do we get from isolation to oneness so that we can have an impact? Because our marriage is to have a missional. It's more than just me individually pursuing a goal. But then as a couple, you know, where one can put a thousand to flight. To a united couple that is the most strongest, powerful, I believe, earthly, physical, human unit. You know, we can unite with teams and everybody else. But a husband and a wife, there's a. You have no. There's no other relationship that is united that you're to have. Then. Then outside of what a husband and wife has and the accomplishments of mission together, you know, it's so much so that. So that's why so much struggle against it too. So. Because it's so important and it's so much struggle against it. But, but, but there's a move, there's a move to see some strengthening and recovery and you know, in that area. And we're, we're thankful, we're thankful that God has invited us and allowed us to be a part of what he's doing. [00:44:49] Speaker B: Yeah, he doing some stuff. You said where we at on the time? 15 minutes. Well, we got 15 minutes. Is there anything you want to plug in and speak on and you know, and get your information? I'll probably get your information too. I don't know. You said you were able to put some of the information on the, on, on the industry. Okay, well, yeah. Okay. This text to you. Yeah. But for the most part, if you want to, you know, go in details about that too, how, how anybody can connect with you. Okay. [00:45:33] Speaker A: Okay. [00:45:33] Speaker B: Personally. [00:45:34] Speaker A: Yeah, so just really, you know, we, again we have a. And an email address that can be reached at. Wendell. Wendell. My name Wendell W E N D E L L. [email protected] Serve as a missionary with Family Life, a ministry of crew. That CRU crew is the ministry better known, you know, as Campus Crusade for Christ back in the days in the United States crew and of course if you can reach us by phone as well, number 843-4964-5221 ways of reaching and we're in the. The place now of coming alongside. We want to connect with those that understand the importance of marriage and family and every aspect of it and it's impact on society and be a part of building up and strengthening that so we can come along. We want to come alongside others and serve as we serve in a missionary capacity. And it requires us partnering. You know, it requires us partnering, not building a ministry, but partnering with others and then partnering with us. You know, it's just such a, such a very important. And premarital. That's, that's. This is something that we have. When I talk about premarital. Now we're talking about marriage just in recent months. Well, probably about the. Within the last year we have encountered young couples that have been in our space that they aren't married yet and some of them weren't even engaged. At least one or two of them weren't even engaged and they were interested in wanting to know how to prepare themselves in a godly how do we know what to expect? You know, so they, they, they weren't just jumping into it. They wanted to Invest in it. So there's some great premarital resources. We, we really encourage couples to invest also. Not wait till after you get married, but before you get married, how to prepare what's expected, what's to be expected of me. [00:48:01] Speaker B: And can you go in, you know, details about that too as well? Because I, I got, I went, I went into marriage. I, I didn't, I mean I did pre, pre marriage counseling, but sometimes that just not enough to prepare you for like just getting married. So. And you go in a little bit more details about that. [00:48:23] Speaker A: Yeah, well, premaritally. The number one thing too, we like to make sure a couple needs to understand it is a covenant. And some of these things that we talked about that conflict is, is inevitable. But there's some resources as well that we go into a little bit more detail and walk through that with a couple. And then once you have understood that this is God's and you're in a relationship, you know, not only you and your spouse, but God is a part of that covenant because he's there. He's the, he's the one that, he's the glue really. Because in our own efforts, in all of our best efforts, we can't make it happen because we're going to miss it. We're going to mess up, we're going to mess one another up. But he's the glue. So we, we, we. And that a couple understand that their personal relationship with the Lord themselves is so important in making them understand and see that. So that's some of the things that's a part of that premarital. But along with that, we, we matter of fact, we're talking with a couple now and saying, now after you get married, you know, who are you going to be? Are you going to make yourself available to someone or be available to speak into your life, to speak into your marriage, to disciple afterwards? Because it's ongoing. So some of the things that you prepare and are you willing to sacrifice for one another as a couple, you need to know what sacrifice looks like. That means denying. You know, when you talk about sacrifices, you have to deny yourself. That's just like you were talking about mopping the floor or washing those dishes. Yeah, there's some things we just have to sacrifice. You know, we need to sacrifice as a part of that relationship. And just the awareness, this is some of the educational insight. So once someone understands it and see that and then to know that this is God's idea, marriage is God's idea. He put the first man and woman Together. It wasn't engineered any other way. You know, not to say that people can't and you can dishonor that, but some of the principles work regardless of whether you and everybody doesn't honor or acknowledge the Lord. It's just like gravity. You don't have to be a believer for gravity to work for you or aerodynamics. But it is a law, right? It is a law out there. And you, you know, so there are laws that are structured in and around that makes for a good marriage and make for a successful one and, and to know that and then for a couple to find out and says what is out what, what might be our purpose beyond just having a family. Some people, their goals are various things. I just want to get married, have two or three children, get us a house, have a good job, and then we work and live and then we retire. And we retire. There's nothing wrong with that. But there are things that we, when we think about, as I was hearing brother talk about, how do we invest in the lives of others? You know, that can be a part of your mission and your assignment. I want to make a difference in someone else's life versus just mine and my home, me and mine. And so. But the premarital side of that, Brandon, not to get away from that, is just being able to hear some of the very same things that we talk about, right? We invest or we invite premarital people to, to come to some of that so they can just hear some of the things. Because if you come into, everyone comes into a relationship with, with an expectation, you know, you know, I'm expecting my husband to be like this and to do this for me and to do that. And then husband is. I'm expecting my wife to do this and I'm expecting her to cook and clean or whatever that might look like. And that may not be the case. And so knowing that on the front end and just at least sometimes engaging, because couples don't talk about some things that they need to talk about because it's not so much as getting all those ants. Things solved in a session, but a session or a workshop or being in those things, it can stir something that caused you to say, when we get home, we need to talk about that. Because I didn't think about that. Sometimes something could just be brought up. And when we have these getaways, sometimes couples just sharing between themselves, not getting into someone else's business and they saying, this is what we went through. And only, you know, it can stir between a couple. And if A couple would go home and says, you know, that's something that we didn't think about. I didn't think about that. Maybe we need to talk about that and get that understanding, right? Get that communication. So there's just so much there. [00:53:07] Speaker B: Brandon, man, it is, though. You know, I wish we had a lot more times, a lot more that I want to kind of dive into. Hopefully I could get you on at some point in time. I guess we, you know, we gotta look at each other's schedule and see. Cause I wouldn't mind you, you know, going a little more details about some of this stuff and how people can access to that type of resource and that type of information. And, you know, if y' all made it to this end of this show, man, listen, I thank y' all from just making it to the end of the show. Do me a favor, you know what I'm saying? You know, like, subscribe or even just share this episode right here. If you is a person who looking forward to getting married, Are you a person who already married? And, you know, you know, some of the things that Mr. Gamble was saying that you resonate with. Listen, I'm gonna put information down below, and y' all can. Y' all can connect. You know what I'm saying? I think it's. It's an investment. It's ain't something that, you know, I. I feel like no one should take lightly. If you want to invest now, if you want to win, if you want your marriage to win, you know what I'm saying? You definitely want to invest. So I thank y'. All. Hey, I thank you, you know, from being part of this. [00:54:26] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:54:27] Speaker B: And we gonna do it again. [00:54:29] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:54:30] Speaker B: We out s. [00:54:36] Speaker A: Sa.