What If Rest Is an Act of Faith?

[00:00:12] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What it do on your host, B. [00:00:15] Speaker B: And I'm Cuda Don. [00:00:16] Speaker C: And I'm Chanel. [00:00:17] Speaker A: Listen, welcome to the Kimi Podcast. It's good to be back here. How y' all doing right now, man? [00:00:23] Speaker B: I'm Will. I'm hot. [00:00:26] Speaker A: You, You, You. What you say? You doing good? [00:00:28] Speaker C: I'm doing good. Yes. [00:00:28] Speaker A: Q said he's hot. [00:00:30] Speaker B: I'm hot, but I'm. [00:00:31] Speaker A: Well, listen, you don't never. I. I was just telling somebody, man. Boy, if it feel like this, man, I don't. I know for a fact I don't want to go to hell. [00:00:39] Speaker B: I don't either, but. And I know another thing, too. I know it went this hot when we were growing up. [00:00:43] Speaker A: People keep saying that, but I don't know if you remember that. I don't know if you remember, man. [00:00:47] Speaker B: Ain't no way was outside, you know, Ain't no heat like this. [00:00:50] Speaker A: I probably didn't shift. It changed. [00:00:52] Speaker C: Yeah, I think it's. We've changed. It might be a combination of both. It might be some of both. [00:00:59] Speaker A: Oh, what about global warning? You think global warming got something to do with it, too? [00:01:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:01:04] Speaker A: What it is? Global warning? [00:01:06] Speaker B: Yeah, I think so, because. Nah, I know ain't no way their parents was comfortable with sending their kids outside in this type of heat all day, because we went outside in the morning time and didn't come back. I don't know what we were eating during the day, but. [00:01:18] Speaker A: Hey, Kool Aid. [00:01:20] Speaker B: Yeah, we was outside all day. [00:01:22] Speaker A: I miss me a good old Kool Aid. Some real good grape and strawberry Kool Aid. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Oh, no, wasn't. [00:01:28] Speaker A: No, it was great. What? Great. Let me see. Great and lemonade. That's what they missed. That great. And lemonade. [00:01:33] Speaker B: That sound like a good, good little mixture. [00:01:35] Speaker A: You ain't never had that grape and lemonade. [00:01:38] Speaker C: I don't remember grape and lemonade. I mean, we did strawberry and lemonade. We mixed Kool Aid, too, but I don't remember grape and lemonade, but grape. [00:01:45] Speaker A: Oh, I didn't put y' all on the side. I put them on the side. [00:01:48] Speaker C: Kool Aid was good, though. [00:01:49] Speaker A: Great. Kool Aid was good. What about the flavor? I can eat that. [00:01:52] Speaker B: No, no, no. I'm gonna tell you. Hey, Flavor Aid was that struggle. That struggle. Kool Aid. It's almost like Gatorade and Powerade, man. That flavorade, like, when you got that, you would drink it. Cause it's. [00:02:02] Speaker C: I'm about to say, don't add. Like you just said, add a little bit more sugar. [00:02:08] Speaker B: Now, you gotta put. You actually had to put three of those little packets into that flavor aid. [00:02:12] Speaker D: You couldn't do the two. [00:02:13] Speaker A: Yeah, you had to do three packs. [00:02:14] Speaker B: You couldn't do two. [00:02:14] Speaker C: Now, and the big picture, three packs. My mama Flavor Aid in there. [00:02:17] Speaker A: You getting your mum cut and it get in the. Oh, well, yeah, yeah, but you get, like. You get like, 10 of them for a dollar. [00:02:24] Speaker C: Okay. We had. My mama had three kids, I think, [00:02:27] Speaker A: hey, you know, 24, you know, Kool [00:02:28] Speaker B: Aid, like, for the package now, like, 69 cent. Like, we went from when I was little. We could get four for a dollar. [00:02:34] Speaker C: Got it for a dollar. Cause I think it was, like, about 10 for 25 cent at one time. But I'm older than y', all, so. [00:02:38] Speaker B: Oh, y' all about. I ain't never seen them prices. [00:02:40] Speaker A: Y' all got me thinking, where this economy set up, man, I might have to go back. And, boy, times ain't that hard from the old people, boy. Cause I'm serious, like, buying, like, juices and drinks and stuff like that. I think we gonna have to go back to making some Kool Aid. [00:02:56] Speaker C: Go back? [00:02:57] Speaker B: I still make Kool Aid. [00:02:58] Speaker A: Sometimes I don't make Kool Aid. [00:03:00] Speaker B: And my go to is that blueberry and lemonade. That's my go to. [00:03:04] Speaker A: Damn. I'm the one who acting bougie, then. [00:03:06] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:03:07] Speaker A: All my kids bougie. [00:03:08] Speaker B: I ain't never. [00:03:08] Speaker C: I ain't never left you by yourself without one. [00:03:11] Speaker B: Ain't got a pack of 12 pack noises. [00:03:13] Speaker A: Okay. What about the bologna sandwich? [00:03:15] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:03:16] Speaker C: Can you fry bologna? [00:03:18] Speaker B: No. [00:03:18] Speaker A: Regular. [00:03:19] Speaker C: Don't even know how. Look at you. [00:03:20] Speaker A: No, I know how to fry regular. [00:03:22] Speaker B: Cold bologna and cheese. That hit, too. [00:03:24] Speaker D: Cold bologna with some mustard. [00:03:26] Speaker B: Yes, sir. [00:03:26] Speaker A: Yes, sir. Yes, sir. [00:03:29] Speaker C: So, Mr. Rule, let's see how bougie you are. What's the rule to frying bologna, man? [00:03:34] Speaker D: You got frozen, so you get the edge. [00:03:35] Speaker A: Don't tell them to the edge. You get. You know what I'm saying? Crushed. You get what, like a little black right there. You know what I'm saying? [00:03:41] Speaker C: So let me tell you this. Do you take the red rubber band off first or. Or after you cook it? [00:03:46] Speaker A: I cook mine with it on. [00:03:48] Speaker C: Okay, hold on. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Y' all cooking with it on. [00:03:50] Speaker D: I ain't never. [00:03:51] Speaker B: I ain't never seen that. [00:03:53] Speaker D: Y' all different. [00:03:54] Speaker B: Yeah, I ain't never seen that. Yo, hold on. Let me tell y' all something about a bologna sandwich. So y' all know I told y' all I had a snake in the house the other week. So I overdid it on the mothballs. Like I put way too. [00:04:04] Speaker C: Y' all about to die. [00:04:05] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put way too many mothballs out. So I caught myself taking my lunch to. Taking my lunch to work the other day. [00:04:12] Speaker A: Oh, Lord, I know where this going. [00:04:13] Speaker B: And bro, tell me why. I bit into the sandwich and it tastes like mothballs, Joe. It tastes like mothballs. [00:04:19] Speaker A: Yeah, bro, I ain't know mothballs was good for snakes. I was just watching something about mothballs and they say is that's a myth buster. Like it ain't good for snakes. [00:04:29] Speaker B: It might not be, but it made me feel comfortable. [00:04:31] Speaker A: But it good for moth. I guess that way it caught mothballs for moth. And ants, rats, black ants, man. [00:04:38] Speaker B: I'mma tell you, she told me Friday. She said, when you get home from work, I want you to go where you remember throwing them off all and pick them up, man. [00:04:47] Speaker A: It look like going, going to school. Well, going to school and smelling like. Well, for my case, going to school smell like kerosene. [00:04:55] Speaker B: Oo, I remember them days. If you stayed at grandma house. [00:04:59] Speaker A: I don't know where we going with this, but it's funny though. [00:05:01] Speaker B: Well, we stayed at grandma. Well, that, that was embarrassing though, at [00:05:03] Speaker A: the level of nostalgia. [00:05:04] Speaker C: Because whenever my mom would pack our winter clothes up, she would put mothballs in them. So when the season changed and the clothes came out, you smelled like mothballs. [00:05:13] Speaker B: And it's almost like you can't get rid of that smell low key, like until it just like wear out. [00:05:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, you really can't, man. Wow. Listen, man, y' all got me thinking about the nostalgia of just me growing up and y', all, y' all kind of making me feel the type of way. Cause I, you know, I'm a little older and I feel it too. But listen, man, I got something different later on the show. Cause I want y' all to continue to tap in, man. And if you make it to the end of the show, you know what I'm saying? We got a letter or someone had wrote to Akeema podcast on Instagram and they wanted us to read it out and gonna get your advice on it and we gonna probably post it, but we're gonna get our host some of our veterans, man. Some of the people good at stuff like this, man. We gonna, gonna tap in. But before we do all of that, I wanna talk about something today. [00:06:09] Speaker C: Okay? [00:06:11] Speaker B: Oh, he must be on that type of time today. Uh, oh, I'm nervous. [00:06:15] Speaker A: You know, I was thinking about this for the past couple weeks, and I actually wrote it down, man, and I'm gonna read it. What I want to talk about. I really want to talk about burnout. The. You know, the. The feeling of just exhaustion, you know what I'm saying? But here's the question, though. As believers, especially those serving ministry, working full time, and leading at home, where do you draw the line between God stretching your faith and simply caring too much because people are depending on you? And. And. And the reason why I. I was thinking about that is I've been feeling like, a level of burnout, just really, you know, with work, with. Just staying at home and then also having a particular role at church. And, you know what I'm saying? It seemed like people been. They've been experiencing burnout. And so, you know, and my leaders, they kind of depended on me, you know what I'm saying, to step up. And even I had a conversation with one of the elders about this. Like, you know, I can't really take on too much. And he was like, you know, God really stretching my faith in this season. And sometimes we can. You know, even though that may be true. And I guess a person would have to lean in and hear from God for themselves, you know what I'm saying? But at the same time, it could come off as kind of motivating the person to kind of push through. And I can push through. But also the other part is I'm experiencing a level of burnout. And I ain't really getting nothing from the service or anything like that, because when you serving, you can't really be all the way engaged in church, receiving the word and everything. So we. What do y'. All. So my question is, have you. Have y' all experienced burnout in this season? And if y' all have, what are some of the things that y' all do? If y' all recognize it, how. How can anybody. And it ain't just gonna have to be just ministry, but just work, too. You can add. Work in that. You can add family in that, too, you know? Cause you can experience burnout, family work, you know, and ministry, too, if you serve. So what's some of the things have y'. All. I guess the question. Have you. Have y' all experienced burnout? [00:08:39] Speaker B: You want to go first? [00:08:40] Speaker C: I can first. Since you brought up church first. In church, I do serve on the praise team ministry. That's the only ministry I'm on. And yes, I do get burned out with choir rehearsal, praise dance rehearsals, with learning new songs, always expected to be in attendance Because I mean worship leaders are expected to be there. You expected to be in high energy, you're expected to be in good spirits. And it's hard to show up that way all the time, especially when you're dealing with your own life. So yeah, I have gotten burned out. I have prayed about it. I have went to my pastor in leadership and, and told him I need a break and told him, hey, I'm not going to be on the praise team this month because one, I don't want to worship and give you fake worship and not just fake worship in the ministry, but I don't want to be fake and phony with God. If I can't give him my all, then you have to know one when it comes to your ministry, when to sit down. Sometimes you have to sit yourself down and say, I need to get my spirit right. I need to be where I need to be. And if I can't give you 100, then I need to regroup until I'm able to pour, pour out what God has given me to give back when it comes to my job. That's what PTO time is for. That's what sick leave is for. When you're burned out, you, it's okay to take mental health days. It comes to my child. I have my parents and everybody don't have those outlets to send their child off some way. But even when I can't take my son and say, hey, you know, you need to go over here for a day or so. My house may not get clean today. We may not do our normal day to day routine because sometimes he needs a mental break, I need a mental break and we just gonna chill and not worry about routine day and worry about what needs to get taken care of. Sometimes we just need to lay around, watch TV and just be in our space. Take a break. Sometimes you need a reset and that's okay in any aspect of your life. Take a reset. We all need to take a break from our everyday routine so we can reset. Reset buttons are for that. And when it comes to machinery because sometimes you gotta reboot in order for it to work better. [00:11:00] Speaker A: I got so one of the elders told me to for me because I expressed how I was feeling and he said that maybe I need to take a look at all the things that I have going on that is contrary to, you know, the will of God, you know what I'm saying? And maybe my burnout is coming from another area of my life and it's spilling over into ministry. You know what I'm saying, what do you think about that? [00:11:35] Speaker C: I just had this conversation. I'm not sure whether it was with you or someone else. A lot of times we attach ourselves to assignments that's not ours. Whenever you get into something, you. If I try not to be overly spiritual, but if you need to pray about it first and say, God, is this assignment meant for me? Because you're right. Sometimes we have our hands in things that is not meant for us, and you get burned out because you got your iron in too many fires and you trying to do too many things, and the things that you are supposed to be doing, you are overwhelmed because you doing too much. Now you ain't got time for the things that are meant to be important, man. [00:12:11] Speaker A: Q. Come on. [00:12:15] Speaker B: Well, experience of burnout. I, I, I'm currently going through that now at church. I'm kind, I'm not going to say I'm over, because I am not over anybody, but I kind of, like, try to lead the B men department. And I think for me, one of the things that's, that's been very hard about that is the inconsistency of, inconsistency of people nowadays. Like, sometimes it feels like as a leader, you're pulling a lot harder than people, you know are pulling. It feel like you trying to pull more out of them than they're trying to pull out of themselves. So after a while, you kind of get to the point where, like, like, what am I doing this for? Like, and it burns you out. Like, like where we got a group chat. It'll get to a point where I'm, I'll, I'll just respond in the group chat. I won't, because at a certain point, it was me always, I'm always initiating. I'm always, I'm always like, so you get to that point of burnout. But I think, like, y' all said to me, bro, sometimes you just got to step back. Jesus in the Bible grew weary in some of his journeys. Jesus took time back. Jesus took time off. And even, like, in church, you know, you could, that could be the right assignment because sometime that cup get heavy. Even Jeremiah, when he was like, everybody rejoiced over that verse of, oh, when he was like, if it's like fire, shut up in my bones. But previous to, previous to that verse, and even after that verse, Jeremiah was going through internal conflict because he was doing the work of God, but people was laughing at him. People wouldn't agree with him. People weren't hearing that, that thing that you do, whatever that Calling is. It's a pressure. It's something on you, and it's heavy, like. And it don't always feel good to do that. And sometimes I. I feel like even if it's God, even if it's God sent, you still have to sit back and, you know, like, let me, Let me, Let me get myself together, because I can't be. This version of myself is not going to be good for the people that I'm attached to. Because if you're not good for yourself, you can't be good for everybody else. So sometimes I think even preachers and they pride themselves on not taking vacations. They pride themselves on, like, I'm here every Sunday sometimes. That's why y' all are ineffective, because y' all haven't went and, and actually vacated, went and checked on yourself. [00:14:25] Speaker A: Like, that's real, right? [00:14:27] Speaker B: No, nobody's job is to. Is to. And it's gonna sound real bad. And they could take it however they want to take it. Nobody job is to show up every time for everything and for everybody. Sometimes your job is to show up for yourself. And if you can show up for yourself, you're doing a. You're doing a great service to the people that surround you. Like, because that's showing people. Because if you get up there and you. And you minister and you preach or your messages, oh, like, it's a problem to take vacations. It's a problem to pull away. It's a problem to unplug. You're gonna have people thinking like, you already got social media in the world that tells you you should never take a break. Then you go into the house of God and people telling you you shouldn't take a break. No, that's why you get in the word for yourself. Because if you get in the word for yourself, you're gonna see all. A lot of the great leaders in the Bible, sometimes they had to unplug, like, and that's just. That's just how life should go. Like. And even with work, you know, I think you should unplug. That's why PTO prepare to others. Because I ain't gonna be here, like, at the end of the day, because you can't, man. You give yourself to whatever you give yourself to. If you drop dead, the show will go on and it will not stop. So I feel like you gotta do yourself a service and just be like, I need to unplug for a while, man. [00:15:35] Speaker A: As a leader, just being a leader in whatever areas in your life, it's a lot of Pressure with just being a leader. Because not only, you know, you thinking on. You thinking about yourself, but your whole sole purpose is the ones that up under you, right? And so as a leader, like, they may assign you a certain assignment based off of what they see in you, and they know that you can probably do. But right now, you're not at the faith level to feel confident to do it. And sometimes that can feel like a little stretch from the person that they. They need to be in this position. Can you imagine being a leader and. Yeah, being a leader, and you see greatness in an individual and, you know, saying. And you telling them, you know, this is. You ain't telling them, but you. You kind of guided them into the place where, you know, God assign you or gave you for them. You know what I'm saying? And then they be like, I'm just. I'm tired. You know what I'm saying? I need to pull back. You know what I'm saying? And that can be tough too, as well. Because sometimes I think about this, even with my kids, with my son. And Yusuf probably could feel this way too, as well. Cause he's a coach. Sometimes you see greatness in a person, and sometimes you can put a little more responsibility on them. And that responsibility is for them to. You know what I'm saying, To feel the weight of that. Especially if you say you want to be great, right? And you saying you want to be great, well, here's a little bit more responsibility. And that can turn into, like, a level of burnout. [00:17:19] Speaker D: I give you that on that. Because I got two different scenarios. Not two different scenarios, two different stories. There's a kid I know who was really good in his sport. And, you know, they talking about him going pro in his sport. I don't coach him, so we're gonna put it there. But there was a point where he had to go from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. While working out three days. While working out three times a day. But going to this and going to this and going to this to the point where the kid just shut down. He was like, look, I'm not going. Why you don't want to go? I just don't want to go. And it was really. Because he got tired, he got burnt out of. This is where I wanna go. Yes, but y' all are just really doing way too much. [00:18:04] Speaker C: Overwhelming. [00:18:04] Speaker D: It just became overwhelming to him. And I told his mom, I said, I think I need to. Might need to get him a counselor. Cause it's something that he needs to deal with. But he was burnt out and he just completely took a step back and now he's back into it. He took, I would say probably a month off of like working out and all of that. And now he's gotten back to it. He's gotten back to doing some stuff, going to camps and stuff like that. One of the happiest kids you could know at this point. [00:18:32] Speaker B: He needed a break. [00:18:34] Speaker D: My son tell me how much he want to go to the NBA. I have access to an NBA trainer. He's in New Jersey. Me and his mom paid for a flight. You're going to go spend a week with this dude. My son tells me, I don't want to go. Cause I don't know the kids. Can I get the same training down here? No, you can't. You told me this is what you want to do. You said this to me. I didn't ask you. I didn't tell you basketball was what you had to do. This is what you told me. It's my job at this point to do everything I can to get you there. You're getting on that plane, you're going to New Jersey. You're gonna stay there for a week, you're gonna do those three a day workouts and you're gonna come back and then you got some time to rest before you have your surgery. But you're about to do this workout. Mom starts talking, start placating to him. And I'm like, She's like, you're gonna burn him out. I said, burn out from what? He ain't did nothing yet. He told me this is what he want. I said, now if he would just wanna be a regular high school basketball player, go off to college and do whatever. If you telling me NBA is what you want, I know what it takes to get there. I got the connections to get you the help you need. Then, then we're gonna do it. But if you tell me this is not what you want to do, you could tell me you want to play piano. I'm going to find you the best teacher and we gonna and this is what we gonna do. But I think some parents like the young man I'm talking about, it's the balance that needs to be created for the kids. [00:19:56] Speaker A: That's good balance. [00:19:58] Speaker D: They gotta have the balance. And I think that sometimes the parents are so vested in the kids being successful and living through them. I wish I had somebody that would push me and do this and do that. I wish I had. I wish I had. I wish I had that. You end up doing this to your child and you end up burning your [00:20:14] Speaker A: kid out, man, you said something so key. You know, balance, it's one of the biggest things that we, sometimes we miss, right? Like just being balanced on everything needs a level of balance to it. You know what I'm saying? But just trying to find that is, that's where the challenges come in at how much should I give here, how much I give that, how much I give here, you know what I'm saying? How much should I rest? You know, and just, you know, like you said reset, you know, So I agree with that. [00:20:46] Speaker B: As far as far as the balance going, I'm glad you said how much should I give here, give there because balance is, is a thing that's never going to be like a 50, 50 thing. Balance is like you said is, is always going to be like where you distributed at, how much you distribute here. But either way it goes like in that whole calculation you still have to have unplug and reset like that. That just goes without saying because anybody who's on go like, and I hate the Internet sometimes because the Internet teaches people that you should never rest, that you should always be doing something. Because like those, like those gurus that says, oh, sleep is for sucker, you asleep when you did or I was going so hard I forgot to eat. Like, like, let's not train people to even think like that. Even like that's, that's not reasonable. Like you. [00:21:29] Speaker A: Because a hamster ain't sustainable. [00:21:31] Speaker B: It's not, it's not a ha. Runs on the wheel all the time, but he gets nowhere, but he's still running. So it, it, it, it's like that. Like yeah, you doing movement, but how much is it progressive movement, like so, like just that like sometimes you need to unplug from the Internet as well. [00:21:47] Speaker C: Your rest should be a part of your schedule. Your reset should be a part of your plan. Everything you do, you should put that a part of your plan. If you're, if you, if you have a six month plan, you should have in your six month plan going to take a three day break. I'm going to, you know what I'm saying? It should be part of your plan. That's the only way it's going to be successful or not after that six months, you're going to be burnt out. That's like somebody who decides, I'm going to work seven days a week because I have this financial goal I'm going to meet. You may meet your financial goal, but where's your body going to be in those seven days? You have to plan your rest. [00:22:22] Speaker A: One of the younger guys at my church, he asked, he asked another elder about, like, same thing. We were talking about, like, burnout. Like, what do you do? Say, yo, elder, what would you do when you just tired and you burn out? Hey, I pray and ask God for strength. And he said, all right, man, I get. You know, the guy said, the young guy said, all right, man, I get with you later. Cause he was like, that ain't what he wanted. [00:22:45] Speaker B: And then church people do that bad. [00:22:48] Speaker A: Like, yeah, they will though, man. They don't ever acknowledge. [00:22:51] Speaker B: And I'm not that per. Like, and that to me, that is a big turn off for people that's not like, fully into the church. I don't want to hear somebody, mama or dad passing. You hear you going to get through. I don't want to hear that. Like. And I. Well, God, like, that's cool. And God is God. But, yo, give me some practical advice. Me personally, if somebody ask me that. What do you do when you feeling burnout? Get you some risk. I mean, there's no elaborate answer that I need to tell you. Get you some risk. Because honestly, the military uses sleep deprivation as a way to break terrorists. Like, so, like, let's just dive into that real quick. If you can use sleep deprivation to make a person that's trained not to tell you anything, tell you everything you want to know, that means that your risk is very important. And without risk, your body is all out of whack. Like, you're like, you wondering why I'm feeling fatigued. I can't get. Because you are running on fumes. You are empty right now. And you just. God going to give me strength. God ain't tell us to be no fools either, right? Like, and that's what a lot of church people operate like. God didn't give you a mind. Like. And I can't. That. That I can't stand. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Like, just some people, just soldiers, man. [00:23:58] Speaker B: Like, that ain't no soldier, bro. [00:23:59] Speaker A: They done. It's funny that you. It's. I'm a soldier in the Lord. But I thought about that when I said soldier. But that's a song, ain't it? [00:24:08] Speaker B: I'm a soldier in the army of the Lord. That's crazy. [00:24:12] Speaker C: He don't like that kind of music, though. But he know. [00:24:14] Speaker A: Anyway. I know that song. That was funny to me. But. But you know, it's funny you brought up military because, you know, I had to. Yeah, yeah. I was a soldier. And we had to go through sleep deprivation as well in the first two weeks they called the red phase. And you know, during them times right there, man, I'm telling you people, you gotta be careful because even during those times right there, you almost. [00:24:37] Speaker B: You. [00:24:38] Speaker A: Depending on the individual mindset, we had people that wanted to commit suicide during those phases right there, you know what I'm saying? And you know, because they wasn't getting asleep and they was waking you up early, early as ever in the morning, you know what I'm saying? We had. And then they was having noise and like horns, you know what I'm saying? Yelling. It always. It was all types of stuff, man. And boy, you felt like you was about to go crazy, you know what I'm saying? But, you know, I. You know when they say that only the strongest survive, is that a saying for the ones who. Because I hate to use this, but I know you had used this one time before about the cattle, about the gazelle and the lion. And gazelle. The lion tends to seek out the weakest gazelle, the sickest one, you know what I'm saying? And those are the easiest prey to attack, you know what I mean? And in some cases, they end up getting killed, you know what I'm saying? And I hate to say this about this world, but we stand in a world where I know that we have attachment to people and stuff like that, man. But really, the only strongest really do survive. And for the ones who do struggle with mental stuff, whatever happened, Lord bless them, you know what I'm saying? But really, life kind of go on and you really have to have some type of mental fortitude to continue to live our life, man, you know what I'm saying? I know some people deal with mental health and we. And, and where we at in time right now that even you can get all the counseling, you can get all the things, you know, you know, to kind of help with your mental health, man, you still gotta do the work, bro. I ain't even gonna sit here and fake, man. And most of us deal with a level of mental issues, you know what I'm saying? We just ain't to the point where. I mean, some of them. I even had thoughts of suicide one time before. This is the first time. Disclaimer. I said this on. On. On, you know, on the podcast. But that's the honest God truth, you know what I'm saying? I have. I did recognize. Thank God. Well, it's a song. Who said this? Thank God. I have. Praying Grandmama Okay, I did know, you know what I'm saying? That kind of, that really, that really kind of I don't know man, it taught me to tap in, you know what I'm saying? And that's the part too that I wanted to kind of. The next segment is people really have to tap in with God, man. Sometimes you can some, you know, if your spiritual leader telling you this man, not saying he's wrong, she's wrong but you also really have to do your tap in too. You don't have to fast. You're going to have to seek God for yourself and see, hey God, this is where you want me to go at, you know what I'm saying? Cuz sometimes people can just give you another task because you have that zeal and you just automatically, you know, like hey listen, get him. He, he can do that, you know what I'm saying? And not necessary it be from God that God told your spiritual leader to tell you to do that. It because you just had that zeal. So really sometimes you just. And sometimes most people find another even in being willingness people find another way of God then granting them a new talent just by them saying yes. Just by saying yes in certain situations. And even though you ain't got no more, you ain't got nothing to give, but you said yes and you stretch your faith and God gave that, you know what I'm saying? And you done it. And now before you know it, man, you didn't God and grant you another gift that you even know you had honestly. So I don't know. Sometimes you really do got to tap in with God, man. [00:28:31] Speaker B: Okay, so about that tapping a lot. First off, I got to go back to the lion thing. So with the lion, right? So as much as we talk about you got to be, you know, you got to be a lion. I just seen a story the other day that the hyena will never attack a dominant male lion. And like when he comes they'll move out the way but over time when that lion gets older and he gets weaker, he becomes to pray. So even with having that mentality, you still have to understand like bro, there's still got to be a type of balance because life is full circle. So you still have to have that balance. So back to what you're saying now like as far as the like taking on stuff, I think like Ms. Chanel said earlier and like you said and it's very important to pray and seek God about do he wants you to take it and it's kind of hard to do that. Because sometimes you will get in your own way. And I'm one of them type people like this. Just try it. Just try it. You never know. I've heard so many stories about. Man, I never saw myself being here. I would just listen to one of my coaches. I would just listen to somebody. They told me to try this. Now, look, I'm here, so I feel like. Just try it. Because sometimes, like you said, it's stuff that other people can see in you that you can't see in yourself. Like, so I wouldn't. I don't mind that. Like, just, you know, just trying stuff. And then once you. If you give an honest effort, like, if I had kids and my kid was to come home and be like, dad, I got a C on this right here. If I know that you gave an honest effort and it just didn't work out, I got to respect that. [00:30:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I gotta respect that. [00:30:01] Speaker B: But at least try. At least try. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Snell, you wanna summarize this particular topic, man? Because I think it's good. And I think a lot of people who have really, really, really probably experiencing burnout. And so you can summarize this, man. [00:30:16] Speaker C: Overall, burnout comes from one not prioritizing your risk, not prioritizing when you see that you have too much on your plate, Knowing that you need to take a break and take a moment to reset. So, first and foremost, knowing what's important on your plate, knowing what should come first, and knowing when enough is enough, and knowing to say, hey, this is my breaking point. I need to reset. I need to refocus and reprioritize so I can focus more on what's important. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Hey, that's good. [00:30:50] Speaker B: Hey, B, let me add this one part. Yo, because I had to work on this. I had to work on this for myself, bro. Like, on my days off, I used to always feel like. Because the way I was raised, like, we. Like, even on Saturdays, bro, we getting up early, we doing. We doing boom, boom, boom. But I used to always feel like even on the day off, you got to be doing something. I thought it was so unproductive. Thought it was so, like, for lack of a better word, bumish, to, like, really lay down and not do nothing in the day. Like. And so now I'm still learning how to rest. Like, that is something that I'm. That I'm still working on. Because we're not ever taught to just rest. Like, I ain't saying be lazy or just wall around all day, but it's okay. Some days, if you Be like, yo, I'm not doing no yard work. [00:31:33] Speaker C: The mindset of a lot of people as to why they get burned out is because they think that I'm laying around too much or I got to be doing something. I feel like I'm not being productive enough because I've laid down for too long. But just because you're laying down don't mean you actually resting. Your mind needs to have a break. Your mind needs to rest in order for your body to follow. And that's the reason why a lot of people actually don't actually take a break, because they feel like I'm not doing a service to myself because I'm sitting here praying too long. But you're not. You deserve that break. [00:32:02] Speaker A: Yeah, you. You deserve it, Brandon. You deserve a break. Sometimes you really got to tell yourself, [00:32:07] Speaker C: you got to take a break. [00:32:09] Speaker A: You got to look at a bit, Brandon, you deserve a break. [00:32:11] Speaker C: And if you don't even want to call a break, call it a reset. Take a reset moment. [00:32:15] Speaker A: I ain't even going to lie. I. I tell myself, yeah, she is. Hey, listen, we. We going. If y' all made it this far. Thank you for making this far. Now we getting ready to read a Kimi podcast. I don't even know what to call it right now, but, you know, somebody has submitted this, and I said, I'm gonna read it and let me know. [00:32:38] Speaker C: Kimi advisory. [00:32:40] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, yeah, I like that. Kimi advisory. We might change it, though. So it was submitted by somebody. I can't say their name. Still holding on. Still holding on. That's what it is. [00:32:53] Speaker C: So it's male or female? [00:32:56] Speaker A: I believe it's a female. It's a female. I've been with my boyfriend for almost eight years. We built a life together. We travel together, we spend holidays with both families, and everyone assumes we already married. We talk about marriage several times. Every time I bring it up, he tells me he's not against it. [00:33:15] Speaker D: He. [00:33:16] Speaker A: He says he want to be financially stable first, buy a house and make sure he can provide the way he believes a husband should. The problem is, every year, there's a new reason to wait. I love him. And outside of marriage, he's a great man. He's faithful. He treat me. He treat me well, and we're best friends. But lately, I'm starting to wonder if I'm waiting on his timing or avoiding the truth. We already been living together for years. We share bills, responsibilities, and basically do everything married couple does except have the commitment. Recently, I found out he brought an Engagement ring three years ago, he admitted he got scared because he wasn't sure if marriage would change our relationship. Now I'm 35. I want children someday, and I don't know how much longer I should wait. I don't want to pressure him into proposing because I don't want to. Shut up, Rain. [00:34:09] Speaker C: But. [00:34:09] Speaker A: But I also don't wanna wake up 10 years from now still hearing I'm just not ready. My question is, at what point does patience become self betrayed? Should I continue trusting the process, or is it time to walk away from someone I genuinely love? [00:34:31] Speaker B: That's a loaded one. [00:34:32] Speaker A: That is a loaded one. [00:34:34] Speaker B: If he bought a ring three years ago, I would say that he has intent, intention, and. [00:34:39] Speaker C: Nope. [00:34:40] Speaker B: No, no, no. And. But. But it's like this for a man. We've always been taught, and social media don't make it no better, but we've always been taught when you ask a woman to marry you, you should have. Like, it's. It's more for us. It's more financial. It's more financial. Things like, we're. We've always been taught. We don't be taught to build together. We be taught to. To let her come to the table that's already built. So we not really. We not really talk to say, okay, y' all can build a table together. Maybe she purchased the pieces and you help her purchase the pieces. [00:35:12] Speaker A: Then. [00:35:12] Speaker B: Then y'. All. She hand you the tools and y' all build it together. We talk, have that table ready by the time she get here. So for a man like, you can have every intent to. To. To. You got to break that cycle in your mind for one. Like, bro, you ain't. It ain't gonna never be no perfect time. You ain't gonna never have everything together. So. But if you gonna do it, stop wasting that woman time and go ahead and do it. That's. That's. That's how I see it. [00:35:33] Speaker A: All right, so. So her question is. I want to see if you asked a question. Should she trust the process, or is it time to walk away from someone I genuinely love for her? What. What do you think she should do? [00:35:48] Speaker B: Eight years? I. I say you gotta have a real discussion. Like, hey, just real life. Like, huh. N. Real life. Just. [00:35:59] Speaker A: Yes, yes. He about to answer. [00:36:00] Speaker B: Have a discussion with him like, hey, I know what you're saying, but I've been waiting for this long. By this time next year, either we going to do something or we going to call it off. Like, so put that. Put a. Put a timetable on Them like, you've been waiting long enough. Like, put a time. Like, you're not going to get everything right, and it's not going to be perfect when I come to the table. We already doing this like this. So either by this time, by whatever your deadline is, because, bro, either you gonna do it or you ain't. Simple. So put a time limit on a real conversation. Hard conversation. [00:36:31] Speaker A: All right, Chanel, from a woman perspective, quick answer. [00:36:36] Speaker C: It's time to walk away. It's been time. [00:36:41] Speaker A: Cause you think that he kind of playing in her face. [00:36:44] Speaker C: Yes. And the reason why I say that is because you're talking about being ready to buy a house, to be financially stable, but you're living with her or she's living with you. Y' all cohabitating in the same house for years, paying bills together. You're living as a married couple. You're doing everything that consists of a marriage, but you don't want to do the commitment. Only thing that's separating them from being married is the paperwork. So it's a lie. So it's a lie. [00:37:13] Speaker A: You don't think. You don't think he gonna do it? He gonna keep gaslighting. [00:37:16] Speaker C: He gaslighting. That's it. That's it. That's all. Ain't nothing else to discuss. [00:37:21] Speaker B: I respect your opinion. [00:37:23] Speaker C: She feel it? [00:37:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:25] Speaker C: Her intuition and being told it, her heart just ain't settled with the fact that she don't want to let go of what she loves. And it's not that he's a bad person. It's just he's not ready for the commitment that he already knew he wasn't ready for eight years ago. Because I do believe that people know within the first year. I give you a year in the first year, rather, you want to get married when he moved in, when they moved in with each other, because I don't know who moved in to who house. Y' all moved in together. You knew you wasn't ready to get married. You shouldn't have moved in together. [00:37:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I. I heard. [00:37:55] Speaker C: But don't start something that you're not ready for. You made her feel as if you were ready for a marriage that you knew you weren't ready for. Eight years, you got this lady holding off on children or being with somebody who wants to have a family at 35 years old. [00:38:10] Speaker A: You're not. [00:38:11] Speaker C: For a woman at that age to have a child, and you got her waiting. No baby, walk away. She'll be pregnant next year with somebody else. [00:38:21] Speaker A: Nah, she ain't talking about pregnant. [00:38:23] Speaker B: She ain't gonna be pregnant next year. Cause that means she gotta get somebody else. [00:38:26] Speaker A: Yeah, she gotta get somebody else. [00:38:27] Speaker C: She'll find people. Get. We got somebody at our job now, ain't it? Who got married in two months. Yeah, two months. When you know, you know. [00:38:35] Speaker A: Yeah, she sure did. [00:38:37] Speaker B: Yeah. I talked to a lady at my job like that, but I respect it. [00:38:40] Speaker C: And she moving with her husband, quitting her job next week. Moving to another state with her husband and her two kids, you know. [00:38:48] Speaker B: You know, I respect that. [00:38:50] Speaker A: She sure did, though. It is, man, that junk crazy, man. How you can be with somebody for that long and then you think this person the world for you, and then, boom. You then meet somebody that know what they want and say, listen, this is mine. I know what I see in you, and then move, boy. That. I mean. Cause I didn't seen that happen before. You know what I'm saying? [00:39:15] Speaker C: Listen, it's a TikTok. I mean, to cut you off. It's a TikTok. And I just shared it with that same friend at work. This woman said, and I think I told y' all this on a different podcast. She said, I work from home. I got up and went to the bathroom, and I came back. My husband, who I married four months after meeting him, had freshly squeezed orange juice sitting by the table waiting on me. And then I turned around, he had my plate sitting there where he had cooked me breakfast. And she said, everybody's asking me, why did I marry him after four months? She said, because I don't have to ask. He wanted to be a husband. [00:39:50] Speaker A: That's the difference, boy. [00:39:51] Speaker C: That's why I married him, because he wanted to be a husband. [00:39:55] Speaker A: I had a husband. [00:39:55] Speaker C: So after four months of being with him, yeah, I married him. She said, I was already a wife, but I married him because he wanted to be a husband. You ain't got to wait. You telling me I've been living with you for how many years and I'm still waiting for you to be ready to be a husband? Why am I sitting here being a wife to a man who don't want to be my husband? [00:40:17] Speaker B: Yeah. Cause I ain't gonna lie, boy. [00:40:18] Speaker C: Get up out my house. [00:40:19] Speaker A: So you think. You think somebody. Do you think it's okay for, like. And when you dating that a woman display all the things of what she capable of? Can you go in details with that? Cause I think this is an interesting topic, because some women feel like they have to do all the things to get the man to marry, because some [00:40:41] Speaker C: Women feel like you have to audition for a spirit spot to be a wife. But I feel like this. That you are supposed to show a person, your character. You are supposed. First of all, you're not supposed to be. Supposed to be. And I ain't saying. Because I ain't saying that I'm one of those people that don't have sex before marriage. But you're not supposed to sample everything about a person before you get married. You're supposed to learn the person and what they bring out of who they are and fall in love with who the person is. And that what makes you want to marry them. [00:41:09] Speaker A: I'm laughing. [00:41:09] Speaker C: We all know y' all fall in love with the coochie as well. So let's be real. [00:41:14] Speaker A: I'm laughing because. Let's be real. I'm gonna tell you why I'm laughing. [00:41:17] Speaker C: Y' all wanna test drive the Porsche before you buy it. [00:41:18] Speaker A: We know, right? [00:41:19] Speaker C: But, but. [00:41:21] Speaker A: But this is the part. Cause you said something, man. It's funny. I had to laugh is because you was like. I mean, I ain't you. You have. You do agree that you have had sex before. You know what I'm saying? [00:41:34] Speaker C: I had four kids before I got married. [00:41:35] Speaker A: Okay with that being said. But you ain't displaying all of that. So you give him basic. [00:41:40] Speaker C: But I mean. [00:41:41] Speaker A: Yeah, you give him some basic stuff. Basic sex. [00:41:44] Speaker B: Oh, my God. [00:41:45] Speaker C: We ain't getting out. [00:41:46] Speaker A: Oh, my. [00:41:47] Speaker D: This dude. [00:41:47] Speaker C: Listen, he trying to get graphic. [00:41:49] Speaker A: No, I'm saying that we all know [00:41:51] Speaker C: that Chanel has no filter. So you don't want to. [00:41:54] Speaker B: I don't want to go down. [00:41:56] Speaker A: No, but you said you shouldn't display everything. [00:41:59] Speaker C: No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't. [00:42:01] Speaker A: But you saying. But you saying you giving basic. [00:42:04] Speaker C: We're not talking about. [00:42:05] Speaker A: Till we get married. [00:42:06] Speaker C: I'm just saying. I'm not telling you what you do. I'm just saying that you shouldn't show everything. [00:42:12] Speaker B: You saying basically because nobody should get [00:42:13] Speaker C: the same privileges as your. [00:42:15] Speaker A: I'm playing with him. [00:42:16] Speaker C: I know you playing, but like I said, you're right. [00:42:19] Speaker A: I'm. [00:42:19] Speaker C: You go in the trenches and I drag the hair. You know I will. [00:42:23] Speaker A: I digress. [00:42:24] Speaker D: You better. [00:42:25] Speaker C: Cuz we know how I go. [00:42:26] Speaker A: Cause this is a rated R. Not rated R. Listen, what is it gonna be? [00:42:31] Speaker D: Rad. [00:42:33] Speaker C: It may be PG13, but I promise you we gonna need some parent advisory when I get. [00:42:39] Speaker B: So basically what you're saying is. [00:42:41] Speaker C: All I'm saying is this. And we're gonna get serious for a minute. No, you should not. Male or female, husband to wife, boyfriend and girlfriend. You should not be displaying everything to a girlfriend, a potential that your wife or your husband should receive. I don't agree with that. I'm not saying that I did it perfect, but I'm saying it shouldn't be. There should be levels to it. But we all know the world we live in. Everybody wants to know what, what I'm gonna get before I get it, you know what I'm saying? But that's, that's just what it is. But if you're living with a person and you're doing everything that consists of a marriage, why not go ahead and get married? Why do you want to play house and not build it? [00:43:23] Speaker A: You know, I'm. I ain't even gonna lie. I ain't gave my take yet. But truthfully, though, you know, thank you for again from just expressing, you know, how you feel and being vulnerable, just even saying that in. But the part I want to say is, you know, I know although you send the question over, you already know the answer to it and you already know what you got to do, you know what I'm saying? At the end of the day, you got to choose you. You know what I mean? And I know it's tough because you done got attached and you have a desire to be with this person, but truthfully, he good on his side. Cause you're doing everything as a wife anyway, you know what I'm saying? Why should he, you know what I mean? To be honest, you know, until you choose you. And, and, and sometimes we can lower our standards sometimes to, to get along, man, you don't have to do that, you know what I'm saying? There's always somebody on the other side of things. But I will say this. You never know by making the decision that you already know that you got to make, that may make him see what he's missing and what it is. But again, but again, do you want that? Because at the end of the day, you express that you don't want to. Shut up Rain, you know what I'm saying? Let me go get the ring and propose and do all the things just to shut them out. And so truthfully, in this situation, you gonna have to go ahead and move on. And I know it's gonna be tough, but I think it's the only way. [00:45:00] Speaker B: I respect your opinions on that. [00:45:01] Speaker C: I wanna add one other thing. I don't necessarily call it a shut up ring, because sometimes, and I'm not [00:45:07] Speaker A: bashing you, I mean, that way, she Said she didn't wanna shut up, ring, [00:45:09] Speaker C: But I'm just giving my take on what she said. I feel like in some situations, and not to bash men, sometimes y' all don't move until you feel like you're losing something. Long as you feel like you got it, then y' all good. But I feel like maybe possibility. I don't know this man. The reason why he isn't marrying her is because it hasn't been an ultimatum. It hasn't been presented to him in a way of I got to. [00:45:36] Speaker B: And that's. [00:45:37] Speaker C: But it's been made comfortable for him to be in a position he's in. And I don't know how she's presented to him or whatever, but when you've been made comfortable to be just the way you are, why change? [00:45:46] Speaker B: And Right. That's what, to me, that's like to agree with your point. That's why I said what I said about that, the hard conversation. I feel like it's not. Like you said, it's not a shut up, ring. But I do feel like. And because the way you describe the man, I'm not saying he's perfect. Right? I'm not saying he's perfect. You saying a lot of good things about the man. But y', all, sometimes in life you have to have hard conversations. And this may be one of those times where you just have to really be like, hey, this is what I want out of my life. If you can't provide it, then this is where the road may diverge and we have to go our separate ways. [00:46:16] Speaker C: I want the decision to be made right. [00:46:19] Speaker B: I wouldn't say, you know, just, oh, he ain't gonna do it. And like she said, it's not saying. It's a shut up, ring. Sometimes with guys, like she said, either you're gonna do this or it's gonna be gone. Because we will lay in the bed as long as it's comfortable. [00:46:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:32] Speaker B: We ain't gonna worry about fixing the bed or not. As long as that bed is comfortable, we gonna lay there. So sometimes you gotta have them hard conversations. Like, I'm not gonna be somebody girlfriend for 20, 25 years. So that's how I see it. Like, we can't tell you what to do. But I would just say, you know, look at it from that perspective. [00:46:49] Speaker A: I think she already know what she gotta do when you ask that question. Like, you know, for me, when you ask a question like that, like, sometimes you already know what it is. You just need somebody to validate what you Know what your decision is. And those. One of the things that I feel like you already know, you know, you didn't already express all the options, you know, I already went through all the things, you know, and it just at the limit of the relationship, you know, I mean, it's one of the toughest things I feel, but especially if a person is good and they been. They been good in the family, you know what I'm saying? Love you. Because again, you know, how many women in this type of position right now, you know what I'm saying? I know a lot just at work, you know what I'm saying? And just playing along and I'm like, you know, in my mind I'm looking at them and as a man. Listen, man, that man is not gonna marry you, bro. Like, I'm sorry to say, I'm just. Sorry to say. [00:47:45] Speaker C: He just not a friend of mine. Well, she's an old friend. Like, we don't even talk anymore. But anyway, she was married for, I want to say 12 years. 12 years. Her husband went to school, did all this thing. I don't even remember what he went [00:48:00] Speaker D: to school, school for, whatever. [00:48:01] Speaker C: But he didn't want to have kids after he finished school. They end up getting divorced. They held off having children until after he finished school. When they got married, she was already, I think it was maybe like 25, 26 years old. So at 12 years, that 36, fast forward when they got their divorce, everything was final. They were somewhere pushing for it and she find out that she had something on her ovaries. [00:48:31] Speaker B: Pcos. [00:48:32] Speaker C: Yeah, on her ovaries. So because of that, she had a chance to have children. If she resented him because of the fact that if she had have had her children younger instead of waiting for him to finish school and all this other stuff, she would have had her children prior to this happening. And they got a divorce and. Well, they got a divorce prior to having that, but it's maybe like a year or two after divorce. She find us out. Had to have a full hysterectomy and everything. She didn't have kids. Year after her hysterectomy, he has his first child, girl loses. I'm talking about straight loses it. Because of course he can still have kids. She can't. [00:49:13] Speaker A: That's some selfish ass, man. [00:49:14] Speaker C: Sorry, but. [00:49:16] Speaker B: But that's not. That's not always selfish either though. [00:49:19] Speaker A: Well, well, it ain't. It's not his fault. [00:49:21] Speaker B: That's what they agreed. That's what they agreed to. [00:49:24] Speaker C: I'm saying that to Say imagine for this young lady. And that's one reason why I'm saying, hey, give it up. Yeah, imagine for her. You done waited eight years and you're waiting around for him to say, I want to marry you, and something like that happens. I've been waiting for you all this time. Our body's changing. Men bodies changes. Something happened to y'. All. And you know what I'm saying? It can happen to either one. And you never get to have the life that you have been dreaming of all your life because all this time has lapsed. Yeah, that's mainly for women because our time clock ticks after 35 and we start going to premenopausal and all this. It don't last forever. Y' all can hunt forever. We can't. [00:50:04] Speaker B: Yeah, so I. I agree with y' all and I do want to say this, and I gotta play devil's advocate here. We've seen people get married two months after meeting. We've seen people get married four years. That's not to determine if you will stay together or if you'll be together for long term. So you kind of have to assess what y' all got going on. And like, they, like they said, don't wait forever. And you know, you know, let your time go. And then you just never get married. But kind of just, you know, just like, like, like they said, man, you gotta have a real conversation, especially with you wanting kids as well. Like, hey, man, my biological time clock is kicking. Like, what we gonna do if that's the thing that you stand on? Like, hey, what are we gonna do? Like, but it's gonna be ultimately up to you. Hopefully this has somewhat shed some type of light on and helped you in your decision making process. Like, I'm never a proponent of just throwing something away that you said is good. If it's something that can be fixed, but just pray about it. Mainly consult God about it. Cause we could tell you whatever we wanna tell you, but. But the decision is yours. And God will lead you in the direction in which you should go. [00:51:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:11] Speaker C: Hey, that's it there. [00:51:12] Speaker A: Yeah, that's it. Hey, listen, man, if y' all can do me a favor, y' all can go to Kimypodcast if y' all wanna submit some of the things that y' all want us to answer. You know, we here for you, man. We'll do our best to answer y' all with clarity and of course, with the Holy Spirit. Cause, you know, sometimes we can have our personal perspective on things, but hopefully this show is great to you all. Smash that like button man. Share as much as you can and we'll see you on the next one. [00:51:43] Speaker B: Yes, sir.