“The Increase of Suicide.”

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:12] Speaker B: Yo, yo, yo. Welcome to the King Me podcast. I'm Cue to Don, I'm Chanel, and [00:00:19] Speaker C: I'm Mr. Hill to Feel. [00:00:21] Speaker B: Hey, man, listen. We come on to y' all with another episode. As you can see, the host, B, he's out right now, so we're gonna. We going to keep it moving. [00:00:31] Speaker C: I'm trying to be like B when [00:00:32] Speaker B: I grow up, man. Yeah, B. B. Hey, B.B. on point, man. [00:00:34] Speaker C: Yeah, well, Brady, Matt said, good living. Good living. [00:00:38] Speaker B: Good living, man. I'm telling you. So we going to start it off how everybody week was. It's actually. It's been a little minute since we recorded, so. Yeah, catch us up. [00:00:47] Speaker A: How? [00:00:47] Speaker B: What's going on with you? [00:00:49] Speaker A: First of all, happy Father's Day weekend. To the fathers, Father to the guys. The daddy, sugar daddy, side piece, daddies, whatever, kind of. [00:00:57] Speaker B: You always got to go left, you [00:00:59] Speaker A: know what I'm saying? You know, if you're a daddy, daddy figure, bar, whatever you want to be. And it's Juneteenth, of course. So for my Juneteenth, we going to highlight my amazingly awesome son, Amaru Austin, in his performance last night with Tory Luna at Oasis. [00:01:18] Speaker B: They were fire. [00:01:20] Speaker A: They were fire, y'. All. Well, I tell y' all about Maury playing his saxophone all the time. [00:01:24] Speaker B: Hold up. Wait a minute. Let me stop you there. Wait a minute. Let me stop you there. Why we didn't get an invite? [00:01:29] Speaker A: You my Facebook friend. [00:01:31] Speaker B: I don't be on Facebook. [00:01:32] Speaker A: That ain't my fault. [00:01:33] Speaker B: Okay, I understand. Go ahead. [00:01:34] Speaker C: My granddaughter said if they want you there, they would tell you. [00:01:36] Speaker B: They would. They would. Okay. [00:01:39] Speaker C: They would tell you how to be there. [00:01:40] Speaker B: Okay, you can continue. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Hold on. Let's back up. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Okay, let's go. [00:01:43] Speaker A: Because I pull up my phone and we have a group chat, and you and Brandon both say, when is his next performance? And I said that, little jazzes. And what did y' all say? Did you show up? All right. Cause my granddaddy said that if you invite them and they don't show up, don't invite them no more. [00:01:59] Speaker C: Watch yourself. [00:02:00] Speaker A: Okay? [00:02:01] Speaker B: You might know something. [00:02:01] Speaker A: We gonna move along. We gonna move along. [00:02:04] Speaker B: Scurry along now. [00:02:05] Speaker A: That's right. But like I was saying, we had an awesome time. Awesome time. They Both played for 843 Symphony, but they had another little family band situation going on. And I can't say enough. They. They did a doggone good job at Oasis last night. So if you wasn't there, you definitely missed a treat. On top of a treat on top Of a treat. It killed it. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Yeah, just rub it in. Yeah, rub it in. But nah, shout out to them for that, man. That's what's up. [00:02:31] Speaker C: You said the week she just took over with Armory talking about her son, man. Cause he is incredibly talented. But it's been just wonderful. I've been busy the past couple weeks just coaching my son, his basketball team. We actually played today. Didn't come out with the win. But man, I'm proud of how we handled adversity. I'm proud of how we handled adversity. And we gotta understand that how we started is how we finish. So didn't pull it out. But we got a game Monday. Other than that, man. Living and giving, bro. Living and giving. That's all I'm about. [00:03:04] Speaker B: Word, man. I seen on TikTok, where you you been? You know, you've been doing something for men's mental health. Can you tell us about like what you had going on with that? [00:03:12] Speaker C: As everybody knows, it's Juneteenth and Black Music Month, all these other things. But what is also is Men's Mental health Awareness Month. So every day in the month of June, I've been saying quotes and affirmations. I got a stack of cards from a friend of mine. And those cards, like I said, is quotes and affirmations. So I'll read the quote and affirmation and I'll discuss how us as men can apply that to our daily lives, man. So, man, I appreciate everybody who like comment, repost, all that good stuff, man. But like I always say, I appreciate the most those who grow with us. Cause that's what I'm about, is about growth. [00:03:52] Speaker B: Word. Word. So what age do you coach? [00:03:56] Speaker C: 8U. [00:03:57] Speaker B: 8U. [00:03:58] Speaker C: So, man, there are a bunch of loose cannons. I'm gonna say they loose cannons, but what I do enjoy about it is their ability, like I said, how they respond to things and just introducing them to that competitive nature of what it means to compete. And like I told them. Cause we were down 80 at halftime. And I told them, I said, it matters how we respond. I don't mind losing. But how we lose, that's what matters the most. So after halftime, we went on a 12, a 122 run. So we were leading the game 12 to 10. Some things that I'm gonna take accountability for, that we could have done better or responded better to. But hey man, like I told Q, man, it's really on to the next. Cause our next game is Monday, so I can't be too focused on what happened. But at the same time, be aware of how we can improve. So I've been riding in silence the whole time. [00:05:01] Speaker B: Definitely gotta have that short term memory, [00:05:03] Speaker C: man, trying to think about it. But, man, this love either way. I love serving the community, giving back to my community and sacrificing my time and energy, you know, for the betterment of kids. Cause, man, they kids, man, I do it for the kids, man, for sure. [00:05:18] Speaker B: Okay. So amongst. Well, I ain't really been having much going on. I really don't have much going on, so I ain't gonna spend too much time on that. But. But amongst things that we have to talk about today, you mentioned that you coach kids, that you deal with kids. Ms. Chanel sent us an article, I think that was this morning, about young black males and the suicide rate, right? [00:05:41] Speaker A: Yes. [00:05:43] Speaker B: Do you got your phone? [00:05:44] Speaker A: Huh? [00:05:45] Speaker B: Can you read the article for us? Just so our viewers can know, kind of like where we're heading. So while she's doing that, man, we definitely appreciate all our viewers for tuning in for commenting, liking subscribing. Keep doing what y' all doing, and we're gonna keep doing what we doing, man. We having technical difficulties here. And because she didn't. I should have. I should have probably warned her beforehand, but I didn't. So. [00:06:14] Speaker C: See, that's why she was saying what she was saying earlier. [00:06:16] Speaker B: Right, right, right, right, right. [00:06:18] Speaker A: I got it. [00:06:19] Speaker B: Okay. [00:06:21] Speaker A: Okay. It's a. It's from Atlantic Black Star. A troubling new report is shining a light on a mental health crisis that doesn't get enough attention. Young black men are now dying by suicide at a higher rate than white than their white peers. According to recent data, suicide deaths among black Americans have risen dramatically over the past decade, with Black men ages 20 to 24 and experiencing some of the highest rates. Mental health experts point to a combination of factors including trauma, economic stress, social isolation, stigma around seeking help, and a lack of accesses to cultural competent care. At the same time, more black men are speaking openly about their mental health. This week, Lil Nas X shared. Excuse me. That he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and sought treatment through rehab. A reminder that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. The conversation around black men's mental health is changing, but many say more support, resources and understanding. And understanding is still needed. [00:07:29] Speaker B: Okay, there's a lot to unpack there. For one. I'm actually glad you sent that article because I actually had no idea that that was actually occurring like that. The rates were, you know, moving at that pace because typically, and I'm not trying to be racist when I say this, but when we hear suicide, we're not thinking about black people like typically. Typically. Yeah, right. So just hearing that and then the age of the suicide, that's even more alarming. So we could start either way. What's some things that you think like maybe is the cause of that? I mean it's a lot of things, but what's some things that you could maybe pinpoint? [00:08:10] Speaker A: I know myself, I highlight that all the time that I am a black mom, a single black mom of four sons. I remember when my brothers was young, my mom was a single mom for a while. Her and my dad separated and my mom made sure my brother stayed active outdoors. They stayed involved in sports, they stayed involved in extracurricular activities and they stayed active with other men. And I did the same thing with raising my boys. A lot of teenagers in that age range of 20 and 24 growing up now, now that they're men in that age range of 12 to 15, 12 to 18, they're in a situation of isolation, especially in single parent homes where they're not being exposed to other people, other men and other access. So I think a lot of times it's not a matter of not caring. You don't know because they in a room on the game, being a room, doing God knows what, you don't realize that your child is depressed because you've allowed them that window of isolation. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Okay, so I'm go to you. But you, you, you spoke about something a few episodes back when you were saying like how we have stuff that's geared toward maybe like once they get older in that 12 to 15 range. I think this just serves the purpose of what you said. We should start like implementing stuff when they're younger. [00:09:35] Speaker A: Right? [00:09:35] Speaker B: Because like you said a lot of times those are pivotal years and they don't have no structure for those pivotal years. So they kind of just, you know, like you said, we, we in this time now where is. I go in my room and I spend most of my time in my room and okay, when I get home from school is. How was your day? Oh, my day was good. No further question. And like no, no further dialogue. Okay. They said their day was good. So I'm gonna go in my room and I'm getting on my phone and I don't know what's going on with my child. So I think like that for one we, we gotta get back to the point where we in these kids business like because sometimes that being in kids business could be the A life saving thing, like, because like you said, a lot of times, you don't know what's going on in. In the world of these kids. And it's gotten so different now, like with technology. Because I always think to myself, I'm like, are these kids going through way more than we were going through? Or like, what is it? [00:10:31] Speaker A: I do feel like they're going through way more in some aspects, because things that my boys have told me about that they've had to deal with, I never fathom. I remember this one situation, I shouldn't say episode, this one situation. We were riding down the road. I'm right here from Florence. We were riding down Darlington street and a teenager, I can tell by his stature and his build that this was a young boy. Right about my boy's age. I think my boys were maybe 15 and 16. My twins were 15. Amari was like 16 years old. And he got pulled over. And as I was approaching, I saw the police officer in front of me circle around, pull the boy over, and immediately as a mom, I'm like, oh, God, you know, I don't know why they pulled this baby over. But as I pulled up and kept going, another cop who was coming in front of us going that way, then he pulled over. So I see in my rear view mirror, and then he's pulling over. My heart racing like, black boy, they pulling him over. You know, what about to happen. And I'm panicking, I got anxiety, and I got all four of my boys in the car and I'm like, I'm about to circle around just to see what happens. And they're like, ma, let's go home. Like, they ain't got nothing to do with you. It do got something to do with me. So I circle around. By the time I circle around, here come another cop. [00:11:49] Speaker B: Yeah, that's overkill. [00:11:50] Speaker A: And I'm about to go crazy and I'm like, I'm about to pull over and make sure nothing don't happen this day. [00:11:54] Speaker B: Was the guy being combative or he was just trying? [00:11:56] Speaker A: I don't even know what he did, honestly. I mean, he was driving in front of me. For all I know, he could have been going 37 in the speed zone or something like that. And that speed lane is 30. Okay, I didn't see anything he did wrong, but for all I know, the car could have been stolen. I don't know what happened, but my motherly instinct saw a teenage boy and there's three cops pulling him over. There's nothing I can do for him. But the mom and me wanted to watch and make sure nothing happened. Well, I sat there for a little while and, you know, everything seemed to be going fine. But I'm hysterical, I'm crying. That automatically turned into a teaching moment. If the police pull y' all over and I'm cussing and I'm fussing, stay in the car, put your hands on the wheel, don't get your lights, don't do nothing. Matter of fact, we gonna get a new visor. We gonna make sure we keep it right here. So you reach for him, he tell you. And I'm literally laying into them boys. They didn't do anything wrong. My boys didn't do anything wrong. But I felt compelled to teach them in that moment because it could have went left. Because there is no reason why it take three cops to pull over one little boy. But that's the world my children had to grow up in, not me. [00:13:03] Speaker B: Okay, I got you. I got you. Mr. Hilton Field. I know we loaded it down, man. What you got to say about it? [00:13:11] Speaker C: But what I'll say is just to piggyback. It's quite important for us to be in our child's business. It really is. And it's good to ask questions about, you know, how was school? Good. But what I saw a video and it's saying, it's asking, what could have you? How are you a friend? How could you have done something different? You know, so you gotta ask probing questions. A lot of times we don't take the time to ask those questions. Like you said before, you know, it. Those kids in their room, isolated from the world. And that's where the social anxiety comes from. Even, like you can see it in regards to customer service in restaurants or in stores. I went to order my food last night, me and my son. I went straight to the register. She looking at me, I'm looking at her. I was like, do you want me to. Are you gonna ask me what would I like to eat? [00:14:15] Speaker B: Right, right, right. [00:14:16] Speaker C: Or are we just gonna be at a standoff? She like, oh. I said, yeah, that's how you do it. So we have to raise and train. Well, I ain't gonna say raise, but train our kids on, number one, having a high self esteem. I think that's what is lacking, high self esteem. That's one of the things I talked about in regards to the men's mental health awareness. And when you don't have high self esteem, that's when those things come in. The depression, the anxiety, the social decline. And you not wanting to be around people. So it's important to think highly of yourself and not for what you bring or what you can do, but you just being you. [00:15:07] Speaker A: Right? [00:15:08] Speaker C: And once you become authentically yourself, man, it's going to be so much easier to navigate the world and to navigate the people around you and to know who to deal with and know who not to deal with and standing on your square. And we as men, we have to be in these young men's lives. I work with young men. I'm one of the oldest men at my job, and it's crazy to me now that I'm one of the oldest ones at my job. So I deal with that age range of 20 to 24. And every time I work with them, I always let them know, man, you're doing way better than you think you're doing way better than. Don't be so consumed by social media and the pressures of what somebody else says you should be doing or who you should be. I said, the simple fact that you get up every morning at 4 o' clock in the morning and come to work, you got your own car, you may or may not have your own house, but you got your own car and you're doing for yourself. I said, you're doing much better than some of the men that we see standing outside these stores asking for a dollar. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Right? [00:16:17] Speaker C: Right. So it's important that I tell these young men, like, hey, man, you're doing good. Don't think that you're doing anything wrong or you're doing bad because you're not where you want to be. I said, you only 20, you're only 20 to 24. I said, man, you gonna live multiple lives. So how you respond here, you can either get stuck right here where you are in your mind, or. Or you can allow this to grow you until you're 34, 35, 40 years old. Because I've worked with men. When I was in my 20s, I worked with men who were in their 40s and 50s and they were still stuck in that place. And I'm like, that's when I had my aha moment. I'm like, these men think, like, how I should be thinking. So that led me to pour more into the young men when I became of older age and seeing those guys have struggles or think that nobody's there to listen to them, or thinking that they're only valued or worth something if they're able to provide or to be given of their energy and time. So that's what I believe is most Important when it comes to the suicide rate and knowing that these young men are loved, I think that's a big thing, too. I was on a zoom meeting and I was on a zoom meeting last night, and an older guy said, his dad told him. He said, man, I would be so much far along if somebody just believed in me. He said, man, and I think that's a lot of things that older men struggle with. I know we talking about young men, but older men, they struggle with those things. Being vulnerable and getting people to actually believe in them and thinking it's their fault that they are where they are. But I always tell men young, it's not your fault. We're all coming from a place or we've grown from a place to where they had trauma that was unaddressed from another generation that was brought forward to us. So that's why things feel a whole lot heavier. And it's okay to detach yourself and let go. My therapist told me one time, a lot of times we wear coats that don't even belong to us. So that's why we feel so heavy, [00:18:43] Speaker B: man, hold up, hold up, hold up, bro. You just said something so golden, man. We was talking about this in church. My pastor sent us a video to the male group chat. And the guy was talking about, if I'm not mistaken, he was talking about Josiah. And he was saying how Josiah grandfather was a mass murderer was this and was that. So when his. When his. When his grandfather had his dad, his dad was the same way, but worse. Like the Bible said he was worse. So Josiah found the Bible and he started reading the Bible and he made a conscious decision, like, yo, I'm not about to follow. Yeah, it stops here. Like, I'm not about to follow. Follow those footsteps. [00:19:17] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:19:17] Speaker B: So he traces lineage back to David, if I'm not mistaken, and found somebody that he can model his life after. So you saying that, like, man, I think a lot of times we get caught up in this culture thing of. And your environment is a huge thing. Your environment is a huge thing in the way. In the man that you are. But sometimes we have to give ourselves grace and understand. Like, man, I didn't get it right because I never seen it done right. [00:19:41] Speaker A: It ain't. [00:19:42] Speaker C: It's not funny. But, man, that's absolutely right. And to add onto that, we sometimes identify with our mistakes. [00:19:51] Speaker B: Break that down for us. [00:19:52] Speaker C: When I say identify with our mistakes, I mean, we all make mistakes. But the more we identify ourselves to what we've done, man, we start to have. Have Qualities that present itself through the mistakes we made. So, okay, okay, maybe I lied. I lied. Okay, man, now everybody done lie. I don't know anybody who told the truth 100% of the time. [00:20:22] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:20:23] Speaker C: But once you identify as a liar or identify yourself as a liar, mad, you're going to keep lying more, lying more. And that's what I said about kids, too. I don't believe kids are bad. But if a child hears enough times, oh, he bad, she bad. [00:20:38] Speaker B: You are just like your daddy. You. You just like. [00:20:41] Speaker C: It's going to manifest itself. Your inner conflict, your inner worth is going to manifest outwardly. So if you always. If somebody always telling you bad, are you terrible or things like that, you going, man, it must be true. [00:20:54] Speaker A: As you said, we talked about this and we were coming up with topics. You were saying that when you was in your 20s and you were listening to people in their 40s and their 50s and you felt like, you know, they should be thinking along the same lines, but they weren't. We were talking about having an institutionalized mindset. You've never been to prison. You would think that those people who think that way, they were in some type of confinement to think so small that. Where do people get that from? And a lot of our kids. When you have a person who thinks small and you expect for that person to pour into your child, can you imagine having a parent with a small mind? And you expect for their child to grow past that? That's what we were talking about before. When you see children who are so called troubled getting involved with those children, we have counselors in school that don't counsel kids unless they have an IEP. Why you can't. You got 30 days in a month. You got five days out of the week. So I give them 20 days out of the month. Why you can't choose at least one child every day? You got more than that. You can choose five kids a day, at least have a counseling session once a month with every child until you reach every child in the school. You know what I'm saying, right? To talk to them. Because you're educated enough to pour into a child that. Because what if they got a parent at home who has an institutionalized mindset, don't care about. They can't pour no different into their child than what they got. Their capacity ain't big enough. [00:22:22] Speaker C: I learned that and I was working at alternative school and I realized that I only have these kids for a certain amount of days and a certain amount of hours. After those days and hours man, it's no telling what they're gonna be facing. So you're absolutely right. You have to be able to pour into these kids, but it's also what these kids take with them. Because I have just as many kids that, you know, still by the wayside are not doing the exact right thing. I have kids, too, that come up to me and say, hey, man, Deez, man, I appreciate you for staying on me the way that you did, man. And, man, I got a job. I'm doing this, man. I just had a kid. I saw him Friday, man. He just graduated from JCSU in sports medicine. This is a kid from the wrong side of the tracks. So you're right. You don't have to become the environment that you're around. [00:23:24] Speaker A: Right? [00:23:25] Speaker B: So [00:23:27] Speaker C: it's just an everyday thing. You can't pick and choose those kids who you pour into. You have to give the same amount of grace, love, kind, kindness, care to every kid. Because I always say, kids never asked to be here. [00:23:40] Speaker A: A lot of times, the kids that rebel are the ones that are crying out for help. [00:23:44] Speaker C: That's the main thing. [00:23:45] Speaker A: Crying out for somebody to say, hey, see me, I'm the. I'm acting out because I'm hoping somebody [00:23:51] Speaker C: will recognize that I'm hurting, that their emotions are imbalanced. Yeah, they're emotionally imbalanced. [00:23:57] Speaker B: It's crazy. Is like, young boy, he gets flack for everything. And on one of his songs, man, I said this before. He said at the end of the song, he said, I just want to be loved. You will be surprised at how many kids don't actually feel love. And the Bible, and. And the Bible says, with love and kindness have I drawn thee. So you don't know what a kind word, what a loving word can do for a child. You don't know what it could do for an adult. So, hey, that's a fact. Never be too busy. Never be too into yourself or what you got going on. [00:24:27] Speaker A: And. [00:24:27] Speaker B: And a lot of times people that can speak life into these kids, they don't. They don't give the kid enough time because in their mind, the kid is already a lost cause. But if everybody take that mindset that this child is a lost cause, then who's going to speak to them? So we got to do a better job of like. Like, y' all said like. And I. And I stay on myself about this pouring into kids because everybody can't just complain about them being a problem and nobody offering a solution. Offering a solution. Nobody's talking to them. [00:24:54] Speaker A: Listen, I Know, we were talking about, you know, young men, but just sharing a story with you that I did with my father, my daddy. I'mma get beat up after this, but it's okay. He's so extra. And I understand it now because my dad's retired. My grandmother used to do this to my dad and I used to think it was funny. It ain't funny no more because he do it to me. She would always call his phone and leave messages and say her name and be like, you know, I'm still alive. I get it. She ain't had nothing else to do but to aggravate her son. Now my dad's retired and he leaves voicemails and call my phone call to let me know he's still alive. Because I don't go visit him. I be busy. So I decided one day I created one of those forever songs, you know, where they make generate the song and everything. I made a song, drove all the way to Hartsville, played a song for it, and I bought my dad some flowers and I played a song for him by then, of course, me, I'm a bucket of water, I'm teary eyed. And I gave him the flowers. And my dad cried, said nobody never gave him flowers before. [00:25:51] Speaker B: Wow, that's touching. [00:25:53] Speaker A: It broke me. Nobody never gave my daddy flowers before. And he said he needed that. But even in a song, I was like, listen, sometimes I don't show up because sometimes I ain't there to show up for myself. So I don't wanna come to you broken, I wanna come to you whole. I wanna come to you when I got it together. And sometimes it ain't pretty over here. So I'd rather give you my best and. And I said all that in that song. And I watched him fight through tears and bite his lip and shake his leg like this girl about to break me. But after that song went over, I gave him the flaws. He lost it. [00:26:26] Speaker C: Like, man, that's beautiful. [00:26:27] Speaker A: He said, baby girl, I'm gonna put this in some water. [00:26:30] Speaker B: You see, that's real though. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Saying that to say that small tokens when we pour into people that haven't received little things, the magnitude that it [00:26:41] Speaker C: brings, man, just a simple thank you even right, you know, that's coming from a real place. And like I always for myself, I don't ask for stuff. I'm not a person that's real materialistic. But if I do something for you, if I'm able to give you something, man, you saying thank you, man, that means the world to me. And that'll give me more of an incentive to, you know, keep doing right and, you know, stuff like that. So, man, that's beautiful that you did that. [00:27:10] Speaker B: It is, it is. [00:27:12] Speaker C: We don't get our flaws enough. And especially as older men, you know, we have this. Well, they have this bravado about them, about being tough and not showing emotion and things like that. And even with my grandfather, my grandfather, he'll be 85 next Thursday. Our birthdays are a day apart. And, you know, he lost his wife. And like, me and him have become closer since then. And he shared parts of his self that he even told me, say, man, tj, I don't even talk to nobody the way that I talk to you. So that lets me know that it's tough for older men to. You see how he was fighting them tears and trying to do everything but cry. So allowing him to have that space to be vulnerable, that's what, that's what's needed. Not only just older men to just men in general, I believe. [00:28:06] Speaker B: And like you said, and I want to kind of like when I get a chance to. Anytime I get a chance to. Like, I got a cousin who was on the phone the other day. When I got off the phone, I said, I love you, man. He was like, all right, cuz. I said, nah, bro. I said, I said, I love you. I love you too. Because so. Really? [00:28:23] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:28:23] Speaker B: So yesterday struggle with that. [00:28:26] Speaker C: We do. [00:28:26] Speaker A: Going back to my dad, like, oh, I think I shared that with you. But before I lost my brother this past September, up until I lost my brother, I be like, I love you, dad. Lisa. Huh? [00:28:39] Speaker B: Like, it's almost like, like you shame. Like you shame to say it. [00:28:42] Speaker C: What you think that is though? Cuz I don't. I don't struggle with that. [00:28:45] Speaker A: Yeah. I think for older people it was a lack of hearing it themselves that it feels uncomfortable with my dad not to tell his personal business. But, you know, I don't think he received that from his father. [00:28:56] Speaker C: I got you. [00:28:57] Speaker A: So I think it's uncomfortable for him to give something he hasn't received. [00:29:00] Speaker C: That's a fact. [00:29:01] Speaker A: So that's. I. That's all I can see is understand [00:29:06] Speaker C: that loss of my brother. [00:29:09] Speaker A: I think he now sees the importance. [00:29:12] Speaker B: And also we've been kind of conditioned not to show emotion in no form except for anger. Like if you think about a young male, if he cries, if he acting mushy, for the most part they're told, hey, chill out with all that. But if they get mad and they about to Go off, we got people high fiving them. So you just kind of learn like, I ain't gonna be on that. So when I told my cousin so yesterday, I was with him, and when I got outta the car, I was about to go in my house, he was like, I love you, cuz. I kinda looked at him, I was like, I love you too, bro. I ain't prompt him or nothing. [00:29:45] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:29:46] Speaker A: And see, that's something that I don't. I can't speak for every woman, but I think that was our job as mothers, to teach emotional health with my voice. Something that I did, I remember especially with my eldest son, whenever he went through stuff, I would tell him all the time, you can sit in it for a little while and then we gonna get back up. [00:30:06] Speaker B: Stop right there. Stop right there. You just said something so golden. We live in this culture now that makes people feel bad about feeling bad, when the real truth of the matter is you're going to have the human experience. I don't care how much you. How much money you got, how much God you got, you're going to have the human experience. So you even saying that there are so many people that don't feel like. They feel like if they feel bad that they're doing something wrong for feeling away. Now, I love the second part of that. But we're not going to stay in there. You can feel that. But we're not going to stay there. That's gold right there. [00:30:40] Speaker A: I'm going to share this one experience and I'm going to let somebody else have the floor. Like I said, he just graduated from EMT school. We sang on the choir and stuff, and we were at church. And of course, he's my child. I saw the emotion on him. And I'm one of those parents that, like, they say, wherever your child act up at, you chastise him right then and there. Wherever his emotion hit him at, we gonna get through it right here. [00:31:01] Speaker B: Mmm. [00:31:01] Speaker A: And he's playing the saxophone and doing his thing, and they were singing I Don't Care, I'm a praying Mama. I was like, maury, what's wrong? And I'm mouthing, what's wrong? And he just kept shaking his head or whatever. And I went over there and. And I sat down on the pulpit beside him. I said, let's pray. And I prayed with him. And he hollered and screamed and cried, and I forced him to let it out. Like, you got to let it out because that's what causes suicide when you as a man Are forced to hold it in and fight through it by yourself. I saw him suffering, and he never told me what was wrong. But you needed to let it out, right? [00:31:39] Speaker B: You just giving them that avenue. [00:31:40] Speaker A: It's hard. That's embarrassing to cry. And it's a weakness to cry. I made sure my boys understood. Help them people. [00:31:48] Speaker B: Nah, that's. That's real. That's real, though. That's real. [00:31:51] Speaker A: We figured this out. It's been so many times that I be like, if we got to cry together, we gonna get in the mud together. Let's cry together. You wanna fight somebody, fight me. We going through this together, but when you get done, we getting up. [00:32:03] Speaker B: Exactly. I love that because like you said, we always talk. Don't have those emotions. And, and man, sometimes this gonna sound real crazy, but if you get you a good cry in, man, the boy feel good. The tears are like weights. And once they start the flowing, you feel stuff dropping off of you because your body, your, your. Your soul, your body, your mind, your heart, all that stuff is meant to experience the human experience. And I keep on saying that because I want everybody to understand, like, there's nobody above this, whether they tell you about it or not. Everybody cries them tears. Everybody feels these ways. It's just. We got to destigmatize feeling. We got to destigmatize that. Like that nonchalant. I don't care. Nothing don't get to me. That ain't cool. That's not normal. That's not right, bro. That's not true. Like, it's okay. You ain't got to be getting out. You ain't got to. I'm going sideways here. You ain't got to get on Facebook and tell everything. That's going to. I understand sometime that's a cry for help, but I. I just be kind of confused that when people start crying, I get confused. [00:33:07] Speaker C: When they set their camera. Like. [00:33:09] Speaker B: Like when they set the camera? Yeah, like you really set your camera up. Like, dang, did them tears look good? Hold on, let me. [00:33:15] Speaker C: Let me start over. [00:33:16] Speaker B: That's side. That's sidebar. But, man, just find you a, A, A group of people, a person, somebody that you feel comfortable with. And, and like you were saying earlier, man, what you do. So sometimes God calls certain people. Like how you say you got your granddad open up. Sometime God has a calling on certain people life that for some strange reason, you will tell me something that you won't tell nobody else, right? And when you got that calling on your life, man, that it, it's such a heavy thing because nobody is going to check on you. Like, nobody's going to make sure you straight. [00:33:46] Speaker C: That's good. Right? [00:33:47] Speaker B: Right. You going, you going to stay to be pouring out, but ain't nobody going to pour back into you. But man, and then sometimes you get discouraged when you dealing with people and you like, yo, you. My, my, my watering is falling on, on, on concrete, man. Listen, I was listening to a message the other day, and Bishop Younger said, when the male people drop off your mail, it ain't their job to, to, to make you receive the mail. All their job is, is to deliver the mail. When God has a call on your life and you, and you a person that has to minister to people that have to pour into people, you don't have a choice. You don't have a say of. I'm not doing this anymore. You don't have a choice to say, I, I, this ain't what I want to do no more. Like, because that, that, man, listen, it's been plenty of times where I'm like, I ain't doing it no more. I ain't, bro. That's what you was put on earth for. Like, and if you ain't doing that, you ain't serving no purpose. And I'm gonna get real serious here. If you ain't serving your purpose, God could take you. Because if you're not doing what you, What I put you on earth to do, then what are you here for? [00:34:42] Speaker C: Or he'll give. He'll give it to somebody else. [00:34:44] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:34:45] Speaker C: And right in front of your face. [00:34:46] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:34:47] Speaker C: And allowing them to operate and elevate themselves, or he, he allows them to be elevated right where you should be. Right. [00:34:54] Speaker B: I don't even know how we got on that, but that's. That, that. [00:34:56] Speaker C: But I mean, you absolutely right, though. [00:34:59] Speaker A: Cause I've been raised on that concept. You don't use the gifts God gave you. He'll take it away from you. I appreciate it myself. [00:35:05] Speaker B: My grandma used to say, for real, and that's real. [00:35:08] Speaker A: He'll take it away. [00:35:09] Speaker B: That's real to me. That, that, that's. That's real. [00:35:11] Speaker C: You're trying to pick it up again. [00:35:12] Speaker A: Your blessings ain't meant for you. You to bless her. [00:35:18] Speaker B: Even, Even your scars, that you wear your scars is just to, to be proof of what God can do in somebody life. That's why when you make it through something, you're supposed to share your testimony. Because we strengthened through the testimonies of each other. [00:35:29] Speaker C: We come over, we, we Come. We come over through the testimony of the saints. [00:35:33] Speaker B: Exactly. So we make it over. When you going through something, man, and it don't feel good during that time. I don't know who we talking to, but somebody need this. It don't feel good at that time. But it's only going to be a test for your testimony. That way you can tell somebody else when one day when you got to tell them, because everybody gonna have to minister and have to witness to somebody at some point in time. Your scars are the shoulder proof of what God can do. [00:35:55] Speaker A: Yes, man. [00:35:56] Speaker C: Like that, man. That's why I'm like, man, man. [00:35:59] Speaker B: And it's crazy because I was reading about the blind man and they, and they asked. I told y' all this story a minute ago. They asked, they asked Jesus. The disciples said the guy was blind since birth. They said, did he sin or did his mom and them sin? Jesus said, neither one of them sin. This was only done so God's glory could be shown. So sometimes, bro, when you going through it, it ain't for you. And as bad as you feel about it, it ain't for you. [00:36:25] Speaker C: Most times it ain't exactly. [00:36:28] Speaker A: It brings back full circle when people wonder, like, I mean, we're talking about suicide. People get caught up into why, why my life is so bad. Why am I going through this like children get molested. And you know what I'm saying? You like, what did they do to deserve this Again, Sometimes we go through a struggle or we go through something because the testimony is greater than your struggle. What you're going through is going to be something that's going to fuel you for what he got for you. You know what I'm saying? [00:36:53] Speaker B: I don't want to have service today. [00:36:54] Speaker A: It seems so harsh because, I mean, just in that alone, like, I, I, I hate that I did this to a certain degree, but now I'm seeing why I did it. I lost my mom at 17, and my boys are grown now, and I hated that. I raised them to lose me, so to speak, because I lost my mom so young, I prepared them to lose me young. So as I was raising them. [00:37:19] Speaker B: Hold on, Elaborate that. Yeah, yeah. [00:37:20] Speaker A: As I was raising them, I made sure they were so tightly knit that if something happened to me, they were gonna be on each other. My brothers weren't necessarily around when I lost my mom, so it was just me. They were alive physically, but they weren't around without telling all my business. They weren't around. So it was just me. So I didn't want My boys to feel what I felt losing my mom and feeling like it was just me out there. So every day of their life, they knew my mom didn't have a mom. So they literally had to live every waking moment that we may wake up one morning and my mama wasn't here because I lost my mom so suddenly. [00:38:02] Speaker C: Do you think that created a weight for them? [00:38:05] Speaker A: A weight like, you know what I'm saying? To a certain degree it did. And after they got a little older, they started letting me know like. [00:38:14] Speaker C: Or a fear. [00:38:14] Speaker A: Overreacted. Yeah, in some ways they let me know. You overreacted in some ways because you were always afraid that you gonna die in your sleep. You was always afraid. [00:38:24] Speaker C: You know, that's our cycles, you know. But generate and regenerate. [00:38:29] Speaker A: The thing is the one thing that I did to counterreact that I started explaining to them this is why I did that. This is where I was wrong. That's beautiful. I can't take away everything that they had to go through, but now they have an understanding. [00:38:45] Speaker C: Yeah. You gave the clarity of it. [00:38:46] Speaker B: Yeah, I actually, I don't need to know the details, but I actually like that thought process. Not, not saying everything about it, but I like the thought process for this right here. Sometimes I think with the suicide rate and with the younger people, we are very ill prepared for real life. And sometimes real life hit us to the point where it's like we can't react. We don't know how to react because we've never been prepared for it. Because when you're in school, nobody prepares you for real life like they tell you. Like, oh, you, you, you'll want to be a kid again one day. But nobody tells you about bills. Nobody tells you about working and feeling like you're. You're not. You're not getting to where you want to get to. Nobody tells you about those midlife crisis at 20 something years old. Nobody tells you that. [00:39:35] Speaker A: And see, that's the difference. I'm gonna tell you just a little tad bit. My oldest son, we call him Mari, his real name, Amarudo Mari, was paying bills at 10 years old, like I was. I physically could go into the gas station and pay bills, but I had him doing it. The address to where we paid bills, the street number, the 4 digit number, was the pin code to my debit card. He remembered the address. I did things sequentially, like they were strategic. So he'll never forget the debit number to my debit card because he remembered the same gas station but number he knew where to go to pay the bills. He remembered the number because of this. He was grocery shopping at 11 years old. He was cooking meals at 11 to 10 years old. I had to have a surgery where they had to cut out both my armpits. I couldn't do nothing for myself. I end up not having a home health nurse. And when I went to the doctor for my six week checkup, they was like, oh well how's your home health nurse going? Didn't have one. Well, your stitches look beautiful. Beautiful. Who's taking care of you? My 11 year old son. That's why he just graduated EMT school, you know what I'm saying? I prepared him for a lot of things at a young age because I realized at a young age that I had a skin disease that could take me out. It reminded me of how soon my mom left here. So it was a lot of things that I was putting in place that this boy was like, man, I ain't never going to be able to play sports. Yes you are. Pick what you want to do. I'm gonna make sure you still gonna be a child. You still maybe do what you want to do. But I gotta add this on to the list too, right? [00:41:10] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:41:11] Speaker B: Even that though. [00:41:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:12] Speaker B: That's because these kids growing up now and, and, and not to knock them because they can't raise themselves. These kids are growing up now with a sense of not all of them. I'm not putting everybody in, but a lot of kids are. They're so, they're so the parents are doing so much for them. They're not understanding the weight of responsibility. [00:41:34] Speaker A: Yes. [00:41:34] Speaker B: And if you don't understand the weight of responsibility coming out into the real world, man, you'll be out here like crashing out. [00:41:41] Speaker C: It's going to bury you. [00:41:43] Speaker B: It is, bro. Because it's tough. Like nobody tells you about the decisions that you have to make. You hear your mom and them say certain stuff, but we don't, we don't experience it. We don't experience of having to think like, okay, I got $400 left at. After I pay bills, I got to make this 400 scritch for two weeks. [00:42:00] Speaker C: Two weeks. [00:42:00] Speaker B: I like they, we not talk about that. We not taught the. Okay, so what, what are you spending your money on to make? You only have like, it's a lot of stuff that we're not taught. So we're ill prepared. So when life hits you, you have these teenagers, you have these young people like and then social media not making it no better because in social Media, it's telling you, this other 20 year [00:42:21] Speaker C: old got, they got the money today. [00:42:23] Speaker B: Yeah, he got the most money. He got ferraris. And you 20 years old and you thinking like, bro, I'm not even at my mama house yet. [00:42:31] Speaker C: And then we don't realize, man, everybody just on borrowed time. [00:42:34] Speaker B: Exactly. [00:42:35] Speaker C: Everybody on bar time. So how much, how much does those things really matter? [00:42:40] Speaker A: Right? [00:42:41] Speaker C: Cuz even you can, you can even Robin Williams. Robin Williams had everything that you can think of. Successful actor. He was one that, you know, decided to commit suicide. [00:42:52] Speaker B: Right. [00:42:53] Speaker C: Cause he's been living unfulfilled this whole time. So it's good to allow kids to be kids and to see, give them the experience of being a child. And responsibility is good to have and to know what responsibility is. But I don't want to drive my child so much into responsibility that he doesn't get to see who he is. [00:43:19] Speaker B: Right, I like that. [00:43:20] Speaker C: That's my, that's my. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Break that down for us, man. [00:43:24] Speaker C: Just perfect example, perfect example. My son, he, he's. I'm always asked for my son to be a part of sports teams and things like that. He, he's an athletic kid and all that. So I spoke with a good friend of mine and I was talking to him about getting a trainer. He was like, hey man, I don't suggest you getting him a training till sixth grade. My son's going to third grade. He said, because if you have him doing that too early, say by the time he gets to high school, he's not gonna wanna pay no more. [00:43:56] Speaker B: Yeah, he don't feel out of love with it. [00:43:58] Speaker C: And I'm like, man, so to me, I never felt like I was doing the wrong thing, but it was something that I always questioned like, man, do I want him doing this? I know he can handle it, but is it the thing for. Do I want this weight of responsibility on him to make it to practices or make it to the trainings? And to focus so much on the training that he doesn't get to be a challenger where it becomes like a job. [00:44:28] Speaker B: It's a job. [00:44:28] Speaker C: He didn't want it to become a job. So he said, the best thing for you to do is man, allow him to continue to play for the city, you know, teach him or be strategic. And the ways of teaching that he doesn't even know he's catching on to things. Instead of making it like a drill or a job, man, just formulate different ways. [00:44:50] Speaker A: I think that's what a lot of people lose focus and making, trying to perfect the craft more so a job for them. It's almost like when you see these children, stars or whatever. [00:44:59] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. [00:45:00] Speaker A: They're trying so much to perfect them that these kids don't have fun no more. [00:45:04] Speaker C: Michael Jackson, right? [00:45:06] Speaker B: Yeah, right. And it's like with perfect example with [00:45:09] Speaker A: the basketball game, he committed suicide without the death. He was killing himself. He was killing himself. [00:45:14] Speaker B: It's like you said, man. Like y' all said. I look at some of these kids, that's ranked number one in third grade. Like, come on, bro, you're number one in the nation in third grade. Like, bro, let this child be a child. [00:45:26] Speaker C: Go play with some Legos. [00:45:28] Speaker B: Like, for real. And so when we say the responsibility part, my thing for the responsibility part is like. Like she said, I love the strategic thing. And what you did with your kids, I like that. I feel like again, I feel like sometimes these kids are so lax. Like, they don't understand the value of a dollar. They don't understand, like. And then like you said too, bro, I like when you said letting them explore and figure out who they are. Because social media is telling y' all who y' all should be. And if you're not, if you're not, it goes back to what you said earlier. The self esteem and the confidence. If you're not careful, you'll be trying to be somebody that God never intended for you to be. And when it's not working out, then we blame. You blaming people, you blaming people. Then you got the. The suicide watch. Because that's not who you were supposed to be. That's not who you meant to be. So, man, y', all, that's facts. Man, y'. All. Well, y' all been. I could have scrapped this. We. We just. [00:46:21] Speaker C: We were rolling. [00:46:22] Speaker B: So with Father's Day. I do want to say this with Father's Day, for some Father's Day is like a good thing. Some they don't feel. Some is joy, some is pain. What's one thing that. That your dad instilled in you? Everybody, everybody, if you had one, one piece of advice, one story, one lesson that you just. That. That resonates with you even to this day. [00:46:46] Speaker A: My dad, his saying has always been, your car is your livelihood. Take care of your vehicle. Take care of your vehicle. Take care of your vehicle. Because Lord knows I done blew more motors than what you want. Get your oil change. I never listen to that. Cause I felt like that wasn't for me to do. But, yeah, he has drilled that into me because he got tired of buying me cars. But I had to understand it was bigger than that, that when you invest in something and you take care of it, it'll take care of you, is what he was trying to instill in me. But he used my car to try, yeah, take care of it, it'll take care of you. It was about the car. To teach me a lesson that whatever you invest in will take care of you. Take care of your investment. [00:47:32] Speaker B: Okay? [00:47:32] Speaker C: So, yeah, I like that. I like that. This is just the man in my life, period. Just the value of hard work and being able to. Understanding the blessing that it is to be able to even work. You know, I always remember when I first started, right? Ever since I could work, you know, at least on somebody clock, you know, work. Maybe I not. Maybe I just quit the job. I ain't got fired too many times, I don't think. But I would quit a job, man. It wouldn't be as soon as I told him that, so what you about to do? Cause you ain't about to be sitting up in the house, right? So just the value of hard work and taking pride in the things that you do, being 100% giving of yourself to what it is that you're doing and holding yourself to a standard. That's what I tell the guys at my job. I don't do the job that I do to make the job look good. I said, I have these standards for myself. And it just, it doesn't end with the work that I do. It doesn't end there. I carry those things throughout my life, right? Because like I always tell my son, I said, whether you believe it or not, you're always going to. If you're a man, you're going to be watched. You're going to be watched for the things you do. You're going to be watched for how you treat people and that just overall. But men get, get under a specific microscope and, and how you show yourself under the microscope. You don't want anybody to see you lacking or having gaps and what you saying and what you doing. So being somebody of hard work, being a man of character, being a man of your word. It's only a couple of things that a man, a man has. I ain't gonna say the first thing cause a woman here, but is that in his word? [00:49:35] Speaker B: Right? [00:49:35] Speaker C: Right. His manhood. In his word, I'll say that, okay? Those are the two things that men have and are responsible for. His manhood and his word. Everything else is gonna come and go, but if you keep yourself in order and you do what you say you gonna do, man? Everybody's gonna look at you and speak up for you so much so that you won't have to speak up for yourself, man. [00:49:55] Speaker B: That's. That's gold, man. You said something. You said, when you go to the job, you're not doing this to make the job look good. You're doing this to make yourself look good. I really like that. Because, man, I think a lot of times if we're displeased with a place that we're at, our servitude goes down, our character goes down. It's like David when he had to serve under Saul and he knew he was gonna be the king eventually. Sometimes you still have to have a good posture, even when you ain't in position yet. So that's just that on that. So also. Also. [00:50:31] Speaker C: That's a word. That's a word, bro. Yeah, that just. [00:50:33] Speaker B: When you say that, bro, that just like. That took me there. [00:50:37] Speaker A: That could be hard sometimes. [00:50:38] Speaker B: For real, though, it's very hard. [00:50:40] Speaker A: That can be hard. [00:50:41] Speaker B: It's very hard. [00:50:41] Speaker C: You gotta be a good person, he say. And that's hard to do. [00:50:45] Speaker B: It is, man. [00:50:46] Speaker C: I thought about it. I'm like, dang. [00:50:48] Speaker A: I was just telling Marty the other day. Cause he plays with a lot of different bands and stuff like that. He plays for the church and stuff. And of course, in my mind, ain't nobody better than Maury. But in order for you to be in a position of leadership, you first gotta learn how to follow. And sometimes when you're following, you see errors in the leader that you like. But it's hard to stay humble. Sometimes. [00:51:11] Speaker B: It is. [00:51:12] Speaker A: And sit there and know, like, this could go so much better if they did it this way. But it's hard to be humble and just sit back and it is. It's hard. [00:51:20] Speaker B: Wait, man. That way, man. I always think about it from the. You got to carry the crown before you can wear it. But, man, like you said, those sayings are all great, but it ain't easy to do. [00:51:30] Speaker C: Those armor bearers start off, you know, as. Like most times, preachers start off as armor bears. I know a lot of. A lot of. Within the ministry, they start off as armor bearers before they're actually in front of the people. [00:51:41] Speaker B: Because if you. If you. [00:51:42] Speaker A: Honestly speaking, if you can learn to [00:51:44] Speaker B: serve him, there you go, Right? If you can't serve, how can you lead? Because you. You, for one, you can't. That's number one thing for exactly. You can't feel the people. You can't like certain things, God has to put you in a lower position so you can learn certain things. [00:51:59] Speaker A: I'm going tell you something else. Telling my age, when I was a child, I'm talking about three and four years old. I remember whenever we used to take communion, the pastor used to have wash basins and he used to go and wash everybody feet. [00:52:14] Speaker C: What you know about. I ain't gonna say what you know [00:52:16] Speaker B: about that, but I don't. [00:52:17] Speaker C: Let me tell you something. [00:52:19] Speaker A: I understood that at a young age because even though he was our pastor lowly, he had to be in position of service as well. And he washed everybody feet. [00:52:28] Speaker C: I remember doing that growing up. Listen, crazy community going in that back room. Everybody imagine you six years old, hymns, and you and you watching a man foot. [00:52:39] Speaker A: And you had to watch your feet, [00:52:41] Speaker C: man, you took it back with that. [00:52:43] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but see, you know, but that's the. [00:52:46] Speaker A: In order for you to be able to leave, you gotta know how to follow. [00:52:48] Speaker B: And that's the way it should be. Because when Jesus was on earth, he washed the feet. He washed the feet, man. [00:52:54] Speaker C: He washed Judas feet, man. He knew he was going to betray him. [00:52:56] Speaker B: Knowing whatever you're going to do, do it quick, boy. Sometimes you got to serve with the enemy present, boy. Is that, is that not crazy? [00:53:04] Speaker C: And know it's your enemy and know [00:53:06] Speaker B: you about to do something, bro. That's boy. That's. That's boy. We can have service. That's crazy. [00:53:11] Speaker A: He over there rubbing his knees. [00:53:14] Speaker B: That's crazy. For real. [00:53:17] Speaker C: You gotta understand the depth that, the gravity of that. You know somebody about to do you dirt. And like I told him at the zoom meeting, I said, man, people say they want to be like Jesus. I said, if you can't sit here and do something like that. [00:53:31] Speaker A: Yeah, we talk about it on another podcast. I said, you know what? Repentance is something sometimes, Lord, I don't be wanting to do that. No, I want to be my dirty self today. [00:53:40] Speaker B: I want to be in my flesh. I want to be in my flesh. Exactly. I don't be playing him. [00:53:45] Speaker C: I'm not about to lie to you [00:53:46] Speaker A: today when he be sitting right there and be like, chanel, listen, Lord, like, [00:53:50] Speaker B: I ain't want to turn the other cheek today. [00:53:52] Speaker A: I ain't turning. [00:53:53] Speaker B: I ain't want to choose peace today. [00:53:54] Speaker A: Close my eyes and act like you. Close my eyes. I see you tomorrow. Please wake me up in the morning. [00:54:02] Speaker B: That's real, though. That's real. [00:54:03] Speaker A: Please wake me up. [00:54:04] Speaker B: And you got, you got, you got a lot of people that be out [00:54:06] Speaker A: here faking like today you got a [00:54:08] Speaker B: lot of people that be out here faking like, this is what I want to do all the, bro, ain't nobody want. [00:54:13] Speaker A: So sincere, boy, you don't want. [00:54:15] Speaker B: You don't. You don't want to be like Christ every day. No, cuz, that. That man, that. Oh my God. What that requires them two prayers. [00:54:21] Speaker A: I'm not going to pray for me to be more like Jesus and for patience. I am not pray for. [00:54:27] Speaker B: That's why I always tell people like, you got to be careful of what you look at other people and say that you want for your life. Exactly, cuz there's a price. [00:54:34] Speaker A: The Bible says, you know, not what you pray for. Know the magnitude of what you ask. [00:54:38] Speaker B: There's a for everything that you pay for. [00:54:40] Speaker C: Hey, look, that's why I tell people too, like, man, man, I want your hand. I said, hey, if you know what [00:54:45] Speaker B: I went through, there you go, telling you, you. [00:54:47] Speaker C: You'll keep yours. [00:54:48] Speaker B: I'm telling you so, man, I'm telling [00:54:50] Speaker C: you, hey, whatever you got, you hold on to and you make the best of it. [00:54:54] Speaker B: Don't. [00:54:55] Speaker C: Don't sit here and compare yourself to what somebody else got. And you treat everybody, no matter how you feel, you got to treat people how you would want to be treated. [00:55:06] Speaker B: That's a golden rule. [00:55:07] Speaker C: That's what I'm saying, Bo. Imagine that. [00:55:09] Speaker B: And we've gotten away from that rule so much. [00:55:12] Speaker C: And that's simple. That's every religion. [00:55:14] Speaker B: That's the base premise. [00:55:16] Speaker C: That's the baseline, how you would have them doing to believe in whatever deity you want to. But the baseline is as a person. I was talking to a guy, he's Hindu, and he said the same thing but in a different way. He's not from America. So I was like, man, that's the golden rule. He was like, golden rule. I was like, here in America, when I say, do unto others as you will have them do unto you, that's pretty much what you're saying. And your religion or the concept of your religion, he was like, oh, really? So if we understand how much similar we are than different, it's not gonna matter what religion you are. But even growing up, man, I remember I grew up an apostolic man. And if you aren't apostolic man, you was going to hell. [00:56:03] Speaker B: Boy, it's almost like a gang when it comes to these churches. [00:56:06] Speaker C: It's a cult, man. [00:56:06] Speaker B: Yeah, it is. And you have to be very careful even with that, even with church, man. Cause they'll Be beefing with each other, like, nah, we're on the church, how we all serve the same God, the same Jesus, and we can't be in service together. [00:56:20] Speaker C: And another thing we struggle with within that community is traditionalism versus the religion. Because a lot of things are just tradition. I grew up in a lot of tradition, right. Where if you like, it's not in the Bible, verbally expressed, but traditionally, that's what we went by. And it got cloudy when it came to religion and tradition. But that's a whole nother. [00:56:44] Speaker B: See, but that's the difference. The tradition relationship is what makes the most important, what makes this thing work. Because I can traditionally do everything that y' all do, but if I ain't got no relationship with him, none of this ain't gonna even. This stuff is in vain. [00:56:59] Speaker C: And I even say, who? [00:57:00] Speaker B: Even who? [00:57:00] Speaker C: Who's to say you even got it right? I asked my uncle, I got a family full of pastors, and I asked my uncle, I say, so what if we get down to that to that day, and we go before the good mouth and he tell us we ain't got it right? [00:57:12] Speaker B: You know what? [00:57:13] Speaker C: What shall we say then? [00:57:14] Speaker A: I just had this conversation yesterday on Facebook. I think it was. It was a joke, of course. Was like, if Satan got kicked out of heaven for doing God dirty, why would he burn us for doing the same thing he did? [00:57:27] Speaker C: Yeah. Y' all seen that. [00:57:28] Speaker A: I see that. [00:57:29] Speaker C: Hey, but that. [00:57:29] Speaker B: That's like. [00:57:30] Speaker A: Wait a minute. [00:57:30] Speaker C: That's something to think about. [00:57:31] Speaker A: You got a point there. So you gonna punish me for doing what you do? [00:57:33] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. Doing the same thing. [00:57:35] Speaker A: What? [00:57:35] Speaker B: I'm really. [00:57:35] Speaker A: We should be friends at this point, right? [00:57:37] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm glad to see, you know, we're being more honest and open about how we view religion. [00:57:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:45] Speaker C: And we're questioning things. Cause growing up, like I said, I grew up apostolic. I was raised never to question anything. [00:57:50] Speaker B: You don't question nothing. [00:57:51] Speaker C: Like, when I say question anything. And like I said before, that hindered me in my real life, where if I didn't understand something in school, I never spoke up. [00:58:03] Speaker A: That's true. [00:58:04] Speaker C: Just off that being the baseline of me growing up, you don't question God. You don't question this, you don't question that. But it's important to question. God is not absent of being questioned. [00:58:15] Speaker B: If he's all knowing, why wouldn't you? That's like giving me an open book test saying, oh, you can't look in a book. Why would I not? [00:58:21] Speaker C: We made it seem like God, what [00:58:22] Speaker A: else are you supposed to ask? [00:58:23] Speaker B: How am I exactly? [00:58:24] Speaker C: I ain't lying. Like, we made it seem like he's just that inaccessible or we have to go through a different avenue or a veil. [00:58:33] Speaker A: I think that was just a fear just so you would lead on the understanding of just your pastor that you were told not to question God because you just supposed to lead onto my teaching. Whatever I told you, you supposed to lead that. So don't question God. [00:58:45] Speaker B: And the Bible even tells us study to show yourself approved. Like, study, like, don't just take, don't just take these people words. [00:58:53] Speaker C: So like, yeah, don't regurgitate what somebody [00:58:54] Speaker B: else told you, right? You just, you just mentioned something. You said you asked them what when we get to that great day. I was just saying this yesterday, yo, a lot. The Bible says the very elect shall be fooled. And I was thinking to myself, as much as you think you got it, how do you really know that you've what they say dotted every I and crossed every T, how do you really know? So, bro, that thought and that concept alone was like, that's a scary thought. [00:59:23] Speaker A: Ain't that kind of like what I just said? If you have the institutionalized mind and you pouring into somebody, how can they get it? [00:59:29] Speaker C: That's a fact, though. How can I think of something outside [00:59:32] Speaker A: the person that's teaching you? Yo, it's messed up. And even though it says, yeah, it says lean not to your own understanding teach, you know, but your understanding. Think about it like this. The way you understand is based off of your educational background, right? [00:59:48] Speaker C: And your experiences. [00:59:50] Speaker A: So if all you've been exposed to is just that, your understanding is still going to fall in line with what you've been exposed to, you're right. So what understanding do you have to lean on? [01:00:00] Speaker C: And even with people saying even with that, lean out to your own understanding. The Bible also says in all things getting, get understanding. [01:00:08] Speaker B: You don't understand that. [01:00:10] Speaker C: Cuz, like, imagine you doing everything right, but your heart ain't. [01:00:15] Speaker B: And see, the Bible clearly tells you he we judging the action of a man, he judging your heart, right? [01:00:21] Speaker C: So we can't sit here and, and look at people and think, oh, they got it right. They got it right, man. They have a heart full of callous and hatefulness and all that. And the person that they like, he said, the least of these. What you've done for the least of [01:00:36] Speaker B: these, you also done it for me. [01:00:39] Speaker C: So if we stepping over somebody that's not considered, you know, on our level, I guess, man, you doing the same thing to, to, to, to Christ, right? So when we got we. It's a lot to talk about with that man. [01:00:53] Speaker B: So listen, man, we've had a great episode. We appreciate you coming, man, stepping in as always. You rocked out. Great episode. Listen, give us a like a follow a share, subscribe. Whatever they do on the Internet, do that for us. Thank y' all so much. [01:01:25] Speaker C: Sa.